My DH never buys me food….

[Lifeisaminestrone]

My DH and I both work FT but he is keen to do the weekly food shop on a Sat. I won’t do this but I have repeatedly offered to order online (he says he enjoys it).

Anyway, I have asked him to buy me some food both sandwich fillers and snacks while wfh, and he never does. He’ll buy me a few drinks I like (alcohol and non-alcoholic) but that’s it. Anyway it’s getting me rather down.

I should add that we are by no means poor - we have good professional legal incomes and are high earners.

We have been in lockdown for a while now and I really would appreciate him buying me some food I would like. I have told him what I would like added on the list.

Anyway am I being unreasonable in the expectation of food or should I buy my own (I used to always buy out when working in town).

It’s a similar thing with ironing he’ll do his and my child’s but not mine (although I do the washing and putting away for all of us).

Just finding it a bit hurtful. Been married 10 years!

You need to start limiting what you do for him to match imo.

What an odd way to behave. When you’ve questioned him about it what does he say?

How bizarre, what’s his reasoning for not buying the things you’ve asked for in the weekly shop?

This is really weird behaviour

That sound odd. How about doing an online shop for yourself and your child ?

we have good professional legal incomes and are high earners

Go and buy your own food!

That’s fucking bizarre

That's weird. A loaf of bread and a few tins of tuna is literally all it would take. I find your remarks about the ironing disconcerting too. Have you talked to him about it? What does he say?

Bizarre!
Has he said why he won't buy your food?
Have you given him a list?
I would go with him next Saturday and put what you want in the trolley. See what he says.

As for the ironing I wouldn't mind as I like things just so. However he could offer while he's already ironing.

Well I could buy my own food but if someone is going to the supermarket wouldn’t they buy for their spouse too?

His response is usually I forgot or I was in a rush!

We have a communal list. We both put on things and we'd like and then one of us does the shopping.

That's very odd.
Why? Does he not approve? Does he think you should buy your own?

Sounds odd. If he likes going shopping but only for his stuff I'd get my own delivered. And I wouldn't be doing his washing with mine as he obviously sees things as separate.

*that we'd like

@Lifeisaminestrone

Well I could buy my own food but if someone is going to the supermarket wouldn’t they buy for their spouse too?

His response is usually I forgot or I was in a rush!

But is this every time? Does he take a list? What’s he rushing back for?

I assume your chores are all ones where you can't divide them; cleaning etc.

So he can subdivide his but you can't subdivide yours.

This is weird and it’s either a) lazy and thoughtless b) controlling and vindictive.

You’re married to him so you will know which one.

You need to ask him why he thinks it’s reasonable to ignore you when you’ve asked him for some particular items.

At the same time I’d also just be nipping to the shop myself for just bits for me and DC (or getting a delivery) and making it really clear they are not for him.

That’s not really what should be happening but I’d certainly be getting myself off to the nice supermarket for some treats tomorrow morning.

I wonder if he can't be bothered to look for your items.
Strange man though.

Do you think it’s forgetfulness? Laziness? Tight? Deliberate?

Mmm, it is bizarre. I moaned at him tonight and made him go to the local store as was hungry!

I was going to put a stop to his shopping each Saturday and say I’m going to do it online now as obviously not working!

He’s an intelligent person but not very ‘with it’ most of the time. I can’t work out if it is that, or if it is more deliberate. I’m hoping the former.

That's weird. I agree with the others, do an on line shop from the joint account, presuming the other shop that he does is also from a joint account, if not then don't obviously.

Why is he doing this? Is he trying to control you, make you feel bad?

How does this keep happening.

‘You didn’t get my stuff’
‘Sorry - I was in a rush’
‘No you weren’t - there’s nothing on and you do it every week. Why don’t you get my stuff?’

Just get a delivery for you every Saturday. Not a thing for him. And then get a Dymo and label everything.

What a douche.

It's weird but I can't for the life of me think why you don't go and buy your own food?

Oh based on your updates I’d call manipulation actually.

He can easily pick up bits for you but chooses not to.

That’s who you’re married to.

Stop doing any chores which directly relate to him - so his washing / ironing / cooking / admin. Then when he notices you can tell him you forgot

If it's not about money is he carrying resentment towards you about something? Do you do things for him? It seems a bit petty to leave you out.