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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a much younger lover?

241 replies

MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 20:38

Early 40s. Separated but not yet divorced. Two young DC.

I have absolutely no interest in another serious relationship at the moment. The thought of another man coming in and breaking my heart like ex DH did absolutely horrified me. However I do miss male company (and sex)

I have a young man (basically half my age) showing very strong interest in me. He's gorgeous, sweet, sexy and already ridiculously successful for someone so young. I'm really tempted to throw caution to the wind and have some fun. However all my friends are telling me to find someone closer to my own age. I've dated a few guys in their 40s recently and they've just done nothing for me.

Am I a terrible old perve? Should I just go for it? I feel so conflicted!

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 12/07/2021 20:38

Why not, it's not marriage

30degreesandmeltinghere · 12/07/2021 20:39

When I met dh he was 31 and I was 41!!
9 years on now married with a dc!
At 37 I had a fling with a 26 yo.. No regrets at all!!

shedofdread · 12/07/2021 20:40

Nice to know everything is still in working order.

Original poster
MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 20:40

@Macncheeseballs Because I genuinely struggle to find men my own age attractive and worry there's something wrong with me because of it Sad

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 12/07/2021 20:41

So he is 21?

Erm

No

Original poster
MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 20:42

Everyone makes cougar jokes at me all the time. Ex DH was over a decade younger than me. Although my serious relationship before that was with a guy 15 years older...

OP posts:
Original poster
MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 20:43

@chickenyhead He's 23 and owns his own business. He's more successful than all my exes put together already!

OP posts:
TheVolturi · 12/07/2021 20:44

I wouldnt I don't think, not half my age. Ten years younger would be my limit. But I'm not you!

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 12/07/2021 20:44

Go for it & have a good time!

ForeverFloating · 12/07/2021 20:45

You’re unlikely to find anything in common long term with a 23 year old. I’m only 34 and wouldn’t even consider dating someone so young. Seems like a recipe for heartache to me

30degreesandmeltinghere · 12/07/2021 20:45

As long as his dm isn't your best mate go for it op!!

chickenyhead · 12/07/2021 20:46

I'm sorry, if this was a man suggesting this with a young girl, he'd be slaughtered.

What is it you have in common?

You are at different life stages.

Good luck meeting the family

FreeSpirits · 12/07/2021 20:46

Yeeah why not.?! Enjoy yourself 😉

OhNoNoNoNoNo · 12/07/2021 20:47

I find that a bit creepy. It’s not the age gap it’s the fact he is still so young. If the sexes were the other way around I’d find it creepy too.

Original poster
MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 20:47

@ForeverFloating See I don't get that nothing in common thing. One of my best friends is 25 and we have loads in common. My ex husband liked me because he struggled.to find things in common with people his own age...

I think it's more I wonder what's wrong with me. Why do men my own age generally leave me cold? Maybe I'm meeting the wrong ones?

OP posts:
WaterOffADucksCrack · 12/07/2021 20:47

I'm 30 and the thought of being with a 23 year old just feels wrong! I can't imagine being attracted to someone who was being born when I was 20 Envy

Flyinggeese1 · 12/07/2021 20:48

I’d say a big consideration is the dynamic/how you know him. E.g. if he’s a friend’s son or your child’s teacher then avoid! Imagine when it ends, would there be repercussions? Etc etc. If all no issue, then nothing stopping you I suppose!

Original poster
MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 20:49

@chickenyhead But why would a man be slaughtered? When I was 21 and I had a 38 year old boyfriend for four years. Nobody cared...

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 12/07/2021 20:49

No. I have a son not very much younger and it would feel so wrong.

chickenyhead · 12/07/2021 20:49

I'm sure you will enjoy being called his mum when out and about Grin

Would you want your child with someone twice their age?

It's grim

Original poster
MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 20:50

@Flyinggeese1 Oh God no. No connection like that. I wouldn't even consider it if there was!

OP posts:
Flyinggeese1 · 12/07/2021 20:50

BTW, I couldn’t find anyone that age sexually attractive as I’m late 40s and my son is not far off that age! But if you like younger men then no real reason why not to go for it.

Od130990 · 12/07/2021 20:51

Yes go for it, after I split with my DC's father. I started a fwb with my now DP who's 28 and I'm now 39 he was 24 when we met and perused me, he wouldn't take no for an answer 😂 we have loads more in common then I did with my ex.

Original poster
MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 20:51

@chickenyhead Well given most people think I'm in my early 30s at most I'm sure I'll be fine. Thanks for your concern thoughSmile

OP posts:
Lizzie523 · 12/07/2021 20:52

OP you've both said you don't want anything serious and brought up the fact he owns his own business twice. The latter would only be important to me if I was looking for something solid.

Is it possible you aren't being totally honest with yourself and what you want with this guy?