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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a much younger lover?

241 replies

MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 20:38

Early 40s. Separated but not yet divorced. Two young DC.

I have absolutely no interest in another serious relationship at the moment. The thought of another man coming in and breaking my heart like ex DH did absolutely horrified me. However I do miss male company (and sex)

I have a young man (basically half my age) showing very strong interest in me. He's gorgeous, sweet, sexy and already ridiculously successful for someone so young. I'm really tempted to throw caution to the wind and have some fun. However all my friends are telling me to find someone closer to my own age. I've dated a few guys in their 40s recently and they've just done nothing for me.

Am I a terrible old perve? Should I just go for it? I feel so conflicted!

OP posts:
Original poster
MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 21:07

@WeatheringStorms22 Because he likes this also none too shabby looking woman in her 40s with whom he shares similar interests and a sense of humour. He thinks I am gorgeous, Intelligent and great fun to be around (his words) Why is that so hard to believe? I thought my 38 year old gorgeous ex was the bees knees when I was 21. It's not all about age.

OP posts:
brittleheadgirl · 12/07/2021 21:07

I did this but it didn't go to plan and I'm now married to him Grin

I also couldn't give a monkeys what people think.
He's a great stepdad and as the years pass the age gap lessens and as I'm ageing pretty well, nobody really notices as much that I'm much older than him.

It was pure physical attraction and the most ridiculous chemistry that brought us together and it turned out to be a good solid basis for a relationship!

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 12/07/2021 21:08

@WeatheringStorms22

He's a gorgeous, Well off young guy

So why isn't this gorgeous successful 23 year old finding a gorgeous, free, 23 year old for his fling?

Seriously, dig a little deeper op.

Yes, this, I’m afraid ^^
Chunkymenrock · 12/07/2021 21:09

Totally go for it OP! I am very close to a man 21 years younger and we have been for the last 8 years. It is utterly brilliant and age is irrelevant.

EssentialHummus · 12/07/2021 21:10

God, do it. Who cares what his motivation is - your motivation is hot sex with someone who's not going to waffle on about their pension / bike / crazy ex, right? Go for it!

Original poster
MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 21:10

@SmileyClare Haha. It is isn't it? Perhaps my inner Barbara Cartland coming outGrin

I guess I keep mentioning it to demonstrate the fact that he's a switched on, Intelligent guy. I'm not praying on some clueless youngster still living at home with his PS4.

OP posts:
Christmasfairy2020 · 12/07/2021 21:10

Nowt wrong with a bit of fun. But it won't be a relationship but maybe it would be. How old was your ex husband when you got married. He is young to be divorced at 31

brittleheadgirl · 12/07/2021 21:10

@WeatheringStorms22

He's a gorgeous, Well off young guy

So why isn't this gorgeous successful 23 year old finding a gorgeous, free, 23 year old for his fling?

Seriously, dig a little deeper op.

What a ridiculous comment.

My young dh would find that hilarious.
He's not interested in anyone else because he thinks I'm stunning and can't believe he's with me.
Lucky me because he's bloody gorgeous Grin

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 12/07/2021 21:10

So why isn't this gorgeous successful 23 year old finding a gorgeous, free, 23 year old for his fling?

Perhaps because people are allowed to have flings with people outside their age bracket?

Or because being 40 doesn't exactly make on a hag with tits in her shoes

Because he simply fancies the OP and there's no nefarious reason as to why?

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 12/07/2021 21:11

Not really sure what the point of the thread is - you’re getting very mixed responses (so hardly any help), and don’t seem to care what people think.

You’re much closer to the situation, and unlike us, know the bloke in question.

Why aren’t you just going for it?

Original poster
MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 21:11

@EssentialHummus My last date talked about his ex and how awful she was to him for at least half of the two hours we spent together. I can take no moreGrin

OP posts:
RaindropsOnRosie · 12/07/2021 21:11

Go for it! My husband is nearly 17 years older than me and neither of us are demented pervs! (well...) Try it out, it'll do no harm.

WeatheringStorms22 · 12/07/2021 21:11

Just going with the odds and my experience op. You don't see many fit young 20 year old blokes with 40 year old girlfriends do you, no matter how well-preserved they are. They still don't look 20 or anywhere near it!

MintyCedric · 12/07/2021 21:12

Go for it...you're both consenting adults.

Other people's opinions are none of your business!

FlaminEckVera · 12/07/2021 21:12

[quote MadamePalm]@WeatheringStorms22 Because he likes this also none too shabby looking woman in her 40s with whom he shares similar interests and a sense of humour. He thinks I am gorgeous, Intelligent and great fun to be around (his words) Why is that so hard to believe? I thought my 38 year old gorgeous ex was the bees knees when I was 21. It's not all about age.[/quote]
😂😂😂

Original poster
MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 21:13

@FlaminEckVera did I say something funny?

OP posts:
Craftycorvid · 12/07/2021 21:14

Enjoy! See where it goes. I’ve always been drawn to older men but these days find myself admiring the slightly younger ones. Grin

Susannahmoody · 12/07/2021 21:15

Yeah just shag him. Please

SmileyClare · 12/07/2021 21:15

He thinks I'm gorgeous, intelligent and great fun to be around

You've just separated from your husband, you're probably feeling a bit shit. This could be the perfect ego boost for you or you could be left feeling used and hurt by a guy full of platitudes.

Think hard about whether you can separate sex and feelings. No strings sex is actually very difficult for a lot of women, particularly if you're hurt and vulnerable and in the throes of a divorce. Sorry.

Mrstamborineman · 12/07/2021 21:18

You are only answering to yourself. You don’t need permission.

GettingUntrapped · 12/07/2021 21:18

If you're feeling it, go for it. Sounds like you see it for the fun and adventure it could be. The secret is to not let others dictate your life. Lot's of judgemental people on here, but in real life, there is too

PieceOfString · 12/07/2021 21:25

Don't see why not for a fling. I had a fling with a guy older than you when I was that age. Neither of us took it seriously, it was fun and just an interesting relationship while it lasted. I don't think it's creepy if the attraction is mutual and you're not his boss or anything.

SmileyClare · 12/07/2021 21:30

I suppose be honest with yourself about what you want.

Do you see this as a few fun dates and sex and then petering out?
A regular hook up for sex until either of you find a more serious relationship?
Will you shag him a few times and drop him?
Are you both going to be free to see other people too?
Or are you having romantic fantasies about falling in love and him buying a big house for you all.

Work out what you actually want and then it won't get messy Smile

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 12/07/2021 21:30

Fuck him by all means, but please don't describe it as 'taking a lover'.

OkSpiritualknot · 12/07/2021 21:37

@MadamePalm

So if he's too young then where the fuck do I find a man my own age who isn't either bitter, a commitment phone, tight with money, or just obsessed with talking about themselves? Because I'm seriously struggling when I date men in their 40s.

Maybe it's true that all the good ones are taken by then?

Yes, I think a lot of men in their 40s have issues. I'm 60 next week and am having great success with dates with guys in their 50s. Think it's an age when men are more comfortable with themselves, but single men in their 40s... nah.

You're right to think about dating this younger man. Don't know why there's so much negativity about it on here.