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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a much younger lover?

241 replies

MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 20:38

Early 40s. Separated but not yet divorced. Two young DC.

I have absolutely no interest in another serious relationship at the moment. The thought of another man coming in and breaking my heart like ex DH did absolutely horrified me. However I do miss male company (and sex)

I have a young man (basically half my age) showing very strong interest in me. He's gorgeous, sweet, sexy and already ridiculously successful for someone so young. I'm really tempted to throw caution to the wind and have some fun. However all my friends are telling me to find someone closer to my own age. I've dated a few guys in their 40s recently and they've just done nothing for me.

Am I a terrible old perve? Should I just go for it? I feel so conflicted!

OP posts:
LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 12/07/2021 22:16

I'm 40 and I've never heard that song in my life. Found it on YouTube and now hope to never hear it again.

Imissmoominmama · 12/07/2021 22:16

Go for it, OP.

Youdiditanyway · 12/07/2021 22:19

If it’s just a fling then I’d go for it, who cares really. I wouldn’t consider anything serious with a man half my age though.

CastawayQueen · 12/07/2021 22:19

All you want is a sex buddy so go for it - why bother what other people think?
If it turns bad you can just drop him. No strings attached.#
Make sure this is what you really want though

JackieeWeaver · 12/07/2021 22:27

Yes yes & YES! Chemistry is the best - enjoy!!

Cockenspiel · 12/07/2021 22:27

Definitely! I would!Wink

Life is to be lived fgs, go and bloody enjoy yourself, he sounds fab!

Willowtree999 · 12/07/2021 22:34

I'm completely with you OP, the men left in the dating pool in their 40's are, in the main, absolutely dire. Have a fling and enjoy it for what it is. I don't see what the issue is.

And there isn't actually any 'rule' about what is acceptable.

Percypigg · 12/07/2021 22:44

I don't see the issue tbh. It's sex, a chat and a brew. Why not?

GreenClock · 12/07/2021 22:46

Enjoy your fling but don’t fall for him OP.

Ohhyeahright · 12/07/2021 22:47

🤣

Plumedenom · 12/07/2021 22:50

I'd definitely for it! Just don't mix the kids into it.

SomeKindOfFloppyWeirdo · 12/07/2021 22:50

[quote Ponoka7]@SomeKindOfFloppyWeirdo, I took my now 23 year old to a festival to see pierce the veil, so if he was an EMO/Goth, then he'll know the line.[/quote]
It’s from Wayne’s World 😬 when Garth is being seduced by the very hot older woman…
And now I’m feeling my age even more Grin

Casmama · 12/07/2021 23:07

If it is a fling you're after then go for it and ignore the miseries on here. I would be cautious about being public about it though because people will judge.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 12/07/2021 23:14

My dad is 44 and he wants to date my BFF. She is 23, is this OK?

Well it's more than a bit different because OP doesn't want to date her son's 'BFF' Hmm why do people put their own spin on the OP's story? So weird

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 12/07/2021 23:16

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Nope! There's also only 18 years between me and my oldest ds, so that would make it even weirder.
So other people shouldn't date those younger than them because you were a teenage mum?
MorriseysGladioli · 12/07/2021 23:21

Oh go for it!
I had a wonderful fwb arrangement with a much younger man.
He nearly wore me out, but it was great, and didn't ever get complicated by either of us wanting more (emotionally, not sexually)

It's certainly not a time that I look back at with regret.

felulageller · 12/07/2021 23:22

Go for it!

Fuckinellitsme · 12/07/2021 23:34

When I met DH he was 19 and I was 30. He proposed five days later and we've been together for almost 19 years, married for 18.

I know you don't want marriage OP but don't let an age gap put you off having fun!

IceLace100 · 12/07/2021 23:45

He's an adult, you're an adult.

If genders were reversed people would barely bat an eyelid!

Go for it, don't overthink it and don't bother what people think, especially strangers on the internet!

IceLace100 · 12/07/2021 23:50

@EssentialHummus

God, do it. Who cares what his motivation is - your motivation is hot sex with someone who's not going to waffle on about their pension / bike / crazy ex, right? Go for it!
This made me laugh so hard.
HennyLenry · 13/07/2021 00:53

I love your username.. take it you're a league of gentlemen fan?

Go for it OP. Life's short. You're adults.

entropynow · 13/07/2021 00:58

@WaterOffADucksCrack

I'm 30 and the thought of being with a 23 year old just feels wrong! I can't imagine being attracted to someone who was being born when I was 20 Envy
Your failure of imagination, your loss, mate. Nowt to do with OP.
NoMoreCovidPlease · 13/07/2021 00:59

Shag who you like, OP. But I find your inability to connect with people your own age (you have a 25 year old best friend, dated much older men when younger) quite dysfunctional.

OhNoNoNoNoNo · 13/07/2021 01:31

If genders were reversed people would barely bat an eyelid!

That's not true. There have been zillions of MN threads about blokes dating much younger women and plenty of people think it's sleazy.

Suzi888 · 13/07/2021 01:33

You are both consenting adults, so go for it.
As for ‘getting hurt’ that could happen whoever you date.
Most of my friends are younger than me, I settled down late so my friendship group kept getting younger as we had the same interests.