Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a much younger lover?

241 replies

MadamePalm · 12/07/2021 20:38

Early 40s. Separated but not yet divorced. Two young DC.

I have absolutely no interest in another serious relationship at the moment. The thought of another man coming in and breaking my heart like ex DH did absolutely horrified me. However I do miss male company (and sex)

I have a young man (basically half my age) showing very strong interest in me. He's gorgeous, sweet, sexy and already ridiculously successful for someone so young. I'm really tempted to throw caution to the wind and have some fun. However all my friends are telling me to find someone closer to my own age. I've dated a few guys in their 40s recently and they've just done nothing for me.

Am I a terrible old perve? Should I just go for it? I feel so conflicted!

OP posts:
Watchingyou2sleezes · 12/07/2021 21:40

Very very few business owned by 23 year olds are massively successful without significant backing from other people- excluding some tech wizardry rapid earning and focusing on more traditional businesses they've barely had time to learn let alone master their core skill sets let alone mastering the skills involved in successfully running a self built business.

This is some self deluded horse shit Oh look at me I only look 30, a 23 year old wants to shag the arse of me, when I was young the old(er) men couldn't leave me alone either.

What a load of dreary bollox

SmileyClare · 12/07/2021 21:42

I have absolutely no interest in another serious relationship this is the definition of a commitment phobe, which apparently you find off putting in a man?

I don't think you know what you want! I'm no expert but I think you'll get hurt by this bloke in his twenties.

chickenyhead · 12/07/2021 21:43

@Watchingyou2sleezes

Very very few business owned by 23 year olds are massively successful without significant backing from other people- excluding some tech wizardry rapid earning and focusing on more traditional businesses they've barely had time to learn let alone master their core skill sets let alone mastering the skills involved in successfully running a self built business.

This is some self deluded horse shit Oh look at me I only look 30, a 23 year old wants to shag the arse of me, when I was young the old(er) men couldn't leave me alone either.

What a load of dreary bollox

GrinGrinGrin
FlaminEckVera · 12/07/2021 21:44

@Watchingyou2sleezes

Agree 100%.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 12/07/2021 21:44

@Watchingyou2sleezes

Very very few business owned by 23 year olds are massively successful without significant backing from other people- excluding some tech wizardry rapid earning and focusing on more traditional businesses they've barely had time to learn let alone master their core skill sets let alone mastering the skills involved in successfully running a self built business.

This is some self deluded horse shit Oh look at me I only look 30, a 23 year old wants to shag the arse of me, when I was young the old(er) men couldn't leave me alone either.

What a load of dreary bollox

What a load of misogynistic - and probably jealous - bollocks.

Why is it so hard to believe a 23yo would find an attractive 40yo desirable.

OP, fuck him, if nothing else just to stick it to the miserable twats on here

Ofallthethings · 12/07/2021 21:44

Go for it OP. The liking for each other and attraction is mutual. Is he aware you don't want anything serious? If he is go for it. You only live once.

Lemonlady22 · 12/07/2021 21:47

I was 30 when I met a 22 year old guy....married 6 months after we met... together 30 years now.

wizzywig · 12/07/2021 21:48

He might have a man bun and wear those shiny pointy slip through shoes and no socks!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 12/07/2021 21:49

@wizzywig

He might have a man bun and wear those shiny pointy slip through shoes and no socks!
If this is the case then run a mile OP Grin
FlaminEckVera · 12/07/2021 21:50

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

😂😂

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 12/07/2021 21:52

Does he have an older brother you could send my way please Grin

BillyShears · 12/07/2021 21:53

Why not? Just make it clear what you’re in it for if you think it’s a love-job on his side/if you start to suspect he’s developing feelings you don’t have.

Macncheeseballs · 12/07/2021 21:55

Op, I meant why not do it, not why are you not attracted to older men

SomeKindOfFloppyWeirdo · 12/07/2021 21:59

Take him? Where? You’re low on gas and he’ll need a jacket!

I say no, purely because people your age will know where that quote comes from, and people his age won’t. I’m not sure that’s something I could overcome Grin

PieceOfString · 12/07/2021 22:01

I'm very invested in op getting it on with this guy now. I think it will be a lot of fun between two consenting adults and I am finding the downers haven't said anything to make me think 'good point' yet. Apart from maybe the man bun. 😆

Ponoka7 · 12/07/2021 22:02

"I'm 34 and would consider a 23 year old far too young for me. "

I was widowed in my early 30's. I definitely didn't want a relationship so I had a three regular fuckbuddies, 23-27 years old. Some people are a lot more mature than others. We had that arrangement for two years. Then I decided that I wanted a relationship and got one.

""So why isn't this gorgeous successful 23 year old finding a gorgeous, free, 23 year old for his fling?""

He might like mature women. He might not trust that the 23 year old isn't going to get pregnant. He might just not have what the 23 year olds, who want a fuckbuddy, wants. A lot like slightly older fellas with cash to splash.

OP for it to work, you need honesty and your personal do's and don'ts. Don't accept booty calls, prearranged only, so you know what's happening.

Miseryl · 12/07/2021 22:03

How old are your kids? Is he closer in age to them than to you?

WorraLiberty · 12/07/2021 22:05

'Take a lover' 😂😂

CrouchEndTiger12 · 12/07/2021 22:08

You're not OK with it and deep down you know it is a gap too far.

If you were fine with it you wouldn't be asking or justifying yourself to strangers on the Internet or seeking validation from them.

Ponoka7 · 12/07/2021 22:08

@SomeKindOfFloppyWeirdo, I took my now 23 year old to a festival to see pierce the veil, so if he was an EMO/Goth, then he'll know the line.

chickenyhead · 12/07/2021 22:09

Oh OP

My dad is 44 and he wants to date my BFF. She is 23, is this OK?

Do it. Nothing to stop you but your own conscience. Many wouldn't. But it isn't illegal (unless related, never know on MN)

Yellowbowlbanana · 12/07/2021 22:10

Go for it

pasturesgreen · 12/07/2021 22:11

I'll just say my 40 something friend has been dating a young man 18 years her junior for about a year. They've had their ups and downs, more downs in fact.
People (colleagues, acquaintances...) have been gossiping and laughing behind their backs.
Each to their own, but I personally wouldn't touch someone half (or twice) my age with a barge pole.

PaperMonster · 12/07/2021 22:14

I’d say go for it! Have done the same myself!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/07/2021 22:15

Nope! There's also only 18 years between me and my oldest ds, so that would make it even weirder.