to not want to let DD (7) go in the sea alone?

[Thefifthbeatle]

We are on holiday. DH is letting DD1 (7, able to swim) go into the sea alone "but only up to her waist". He says that he is sitting halfway up the beach with DD2 but that he is watching DD1 all the time. He estimates that he could get to DD1 in 20 seconds. I think that this is too long if a child is in difficulty in the sea, and therefore dangerous. I only want her to go in the sea with an adult. He thinks I am being ridiculous. I'd be really grateful for a sanity check! Thanks in advance.

It depends what the conditions are like in terms of wave size, wind, current, slope, id probably be with your dh on this, plenty of kids who grow up by the sea are in and out of the water from a young age

YANBU.

If a wave knocks her under (fully possible in knee deep water) she could be hard to find 20 secs later.

Well how old is DD2? Does he just abandon her to save DD1 in the sea? I personally wouldnt be happy with that in any case.

Yeah, if I trusted her to stick to those instructions and it was a safe spot to swim (no flags/known rip tides further out etc) and I could get to them easily, I would let them in the sea alone. If I’d already been in myself to check there was no quick ledge/deep drop off.

It would be dependent on the sea for me. A very calm, shallow known spot. Fine. A bit of bounce or unknown currents less so. I’d want to understand the tide state too.

It would also be dependent on the swimming ability and whether entirely alone or with others.

We swam in the sea from a very young age, as did many of our generation. We had grown up knowing that coast and knew our abilities.

What are conditions like? Can he not move further down the beach?

V gently shelving, tiny waves, no currents, a child not phased by water, maybe OK.

YANBU, that's too far in the sea - as a PP said, a wave could knock her under and it can be very difficult to find a child after 20 seconds churning around under the water. Not safe.

Having grown up by the sea we were really taught about what ‘could’ happen and what to watch out for but we were always allowed in the sea alone.

He can't possibly be watching her properly if he's also engaging with a younger child. Not possible.

20 seconds is a really long time when you count it. Like others, it depends on conditions, but I'd not be risking it. Can't he play with your other daughter closer to the water's edge at least? 20 seconds underwater, and she could be difficult to find.

I’m with you. I only let Ds aged 8 go in alone where it’s super shallow, ie ankles and calm. It’s very easy for a child to be knocked over by a big wave and get swept out.

Why can't he sit closer?

Depends on her swimming ability & experience & how sensible she is, how visible she is to DH, how noisy /busy the beach is, & local water conditions. Personally DH & I wouldn't. We don't live near the sea so it would always be unknown risk.

I think it depends on the conditions.

It depends how good a swimmer she is.

But I think waist deep is too deep. I'd let her play in the sea/at the edge but only knee deep, so not actually swimming depth.

I’d stand by the edge of the sea with dd2 if I were him.

If the child is a strong swimmer, I see no reason to not allow her into the water on her own, providing you have discussed that the beach is not risk free, as indeed is nowhere close to water. I live in coastal Norfolk, and we are more used to the risks I guess, but for most of us here, our judgement would be very little risk, as opposed to a massive reward- the sea is a great place to play.

Depends on the tide as well. I’m terrified of being in the sea when it’s going out. As a competitive swimmer with my swimmer sister and swimmer cousin, we still got into difficulties getting back out the sea from waist to chest height when I was a teenager in Wales.

At the end of the day you either trust him to look after the kids or you don't. And if you don't that's quite a big problem.

Does he usually lack judgement on safety or are you micro managing him when he's looking after the children?

Dh took our 2 to the beach yesterday, a 4yo and 7mo breastfed baby. All I did was make sure he had enough milk for the day. I don't have a clue when the baby slept or fed or if ds1 was in the water or not because I trust dh to look after them and to be able to assess things himself.

@Brainwave89 that’s where I grew up too. We were very well versed in the dangers the sea could present but always allowed to play in it alone if the conditions were ok. We were aware of the risks and employed our own judgements too.

My mum was at Sea Palling the other weeks and some people got into a right pickle, obviously people not aware of the rip tides, swam too far out, and had to be rescued.

I would also say it depends on the both on the roughness of the sea and the type of beach it is. At the sandy beach near me, there isn’t much in the way of waves and you have to walk out a great distance before the water gets too deep to stand up. On shingle beaches the shingle tend to be banked up an you can get to very shallow to very deep in a footsteps. Coupled with heavy waves this would be dangerous.

I’m also wondering why he can’t sit nearer with the other child.

What is the sea like? What are the conditions?

Why don't you just sit closer?!

I grew up near the sea and could swim well; but as a teenager an undercurrent took me off my feet whilst paddling and the suction pinned me face down in the shallowest of water - it was scary.

I would not leave this child to swim at that depth alone unless I was right on the water's edge.

Nope. We live by the sea, it needs to be respected. Does he know how to spot a rip? Actually they are usually the calmer looking spot so easy to think it’s safe.

You don’t leave your child in the sea, end of.

Why 20s? He should be able to sit where it shouldn't take more than 5s.

I let my kids in the sea on their own at that age but water no higher than their bum and no more than a couple of metres in the sea. I watched than line a hawk and would have been in 3 seconds.