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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to let DD (7) go in the sea alone?

198 replies

Thefifthbeatle · 11/07/2021 10:35

We are on holiday. DH is letting DD1 (7, able to swim) go into the sea alone "but only up to her waist". He says that he is sitting halfway up the beach with DD2 but that he is watching DD1 all the time. He estimates that he could get to DD1 in 20 seconds. I think that this is too long if a child is in difficulty in the sea, and therefore dangerous. I only want her to go in the sea with an adult. He thinks I am being ridiculous. I'd be really grateful for a sanity check! Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 11/07/2021 11:41

No.
I don't live by the sea to have an inate local knowledge of the quirks of particular beaches.
My DCs are not strong swimmers. DS (10) can swim 50m, or for half an hour with little breaks... in a pool. That's very different to be pulled out of your depth in the sea. DS (8) is still working on it. There are few strong swimmers at 7 with the physical and mental ability to get themselves out of a difficult situation.
I am a strong swimmer and can swim in open lakes, but that is still very different to the dynamics of the sea to help a child in an unexpected position.

I'll let them get their ankles wet if we're on a digging session at the beach, but going beyond knees is getting to a more credible risk of being knocked over.

beingsunny · 11/07/2021 11:42

This completely depends on the conditions.

We live by the beach and my DS is 8 and completely capable in even rougher conditions than I would be confident in.

AlwaysLatte · 11/07/2021 11:43

I absolutely don't let them go in unless I'm standing on the shoreline (11 and 13). It's easy to lose sight of them amongst the other swimmers from halfway up the beach!

GaspGulpScream · 11/07/2021 11:47

No, even the most seasoned swimmers go out in pairs
The sea is unpredictable, as others have said rip tides are the most dangerous. It's nothing to do with being a good swimmer

idontlikealdi · 11/07/2021 11:48

Millpond flat cove in the end or somewhere maybe. Anywhere with active waves, strong tides, potential for rips so most of the U.K., not a chance.

Itwasgoodwhileitlasted · 11/07/2021 11:52

I live by the sea and would say no. He needs to be edge of water at a minimum.

newuserolduser · 11/07/2021 11:53

No. I grew up next to the sea and an incredibly strong swimmer. The sea is unpredictable and needs to be respected at all times.

Comedycook · 11/07/2021 11:54

Dear god, just no.

M0rT · 11/07/2021 11:55

I went to swim a few weeks ago on a usually very calm beach, I am a weak adult so can't dive into waves as I used to, there was a strong cross current and I didn't go in deeper than my thighs as I knew I wouldn't be able to get out safely if a wave knocked me off balance.
I'm 5ft 1 and fat so a healthy 7 year old would still have less bouyancy than me.
I have a strong respect for the sea as my DM grew up beside the Atlantic and I would question your DHs complacency.

nimbuscloud · 11/07/2021 12:00

Read about Tom and Jodie Loughlin.

Saoirse82 · 11/07/2021 12:06

YANBU.

beigebrownblue · 11/07/2021 12:07

Really depends where it is and even with lifeguards it can be difficult

Two contrasts about how people behave:

weston super mare. mudflats. clear signs about not going too far out as there is the danger of getting stuck. These are regularly ignored by those who don't know the territory and people have to be rescued by lifeboat all the time especially in summer as it goes really fast.

Burnham on sea. Very, very dangerous part of the beach where young children and older ones get swept off with unexpected wind and then sucked under and very difficult to rescue. There is a lifeguard with loudhailer who you hear every two minutes telling people to leave a dangerous area. There have been a number of fatalities.

I would guess in most places due to funding cuts there may not be adequate provision of lifeguards etc.

If it is your back yard and you know the beach and conditons well. Maybe.

As for looking after two with the younger one as well. I absolutely and totally wouldn't. What happens if the younger one runs off suddnely in the opposite direction to the water. You can't just leave them. I'ts not doable.

I do feel some parents and some men in particular are a bit nonchalant about this. They shouldn't be in my view.

How about a half way house? There are an increasing number of lidos and safer enclosed outdoor swimming areas...

The difficulty is perhaps that the other parent views you as a 'stick in the mud'. Difficult to change that if that is the case. I think once you have experienced or heard of a difficult situation you are more cautious.

TheSoapyFrog · 11/07/2021 12:14

No I wouldn't be happy either. Is there any reason why you couldn't go in with her and then swap so you stay on the beach with your other DC and DH goes in the sea?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/07/2021 12:16

How strong is her swimming?

Inertia · 11/07/2021 12:17

Absolutely no chance !

You are under-reacting, and your husband’s approach is bordering on negligent. A 7 yo could easily get into difficulty in waist-deep water. And what happens to the younger child if he has to mount a rescue?

Notmoresugar · 11/07/2021 12:21

Not a chance.
He's being very ignorant/inexperienced.

LuluJakey1 · 11/07/2021 12:22

I grew up on the coast and swam in the sea lots, at a place called Cullercoats - with my mam 100 + metres away reading a magazine or sunbathing from when I was about 7- 10. I went well out to about waist/chest deep and thought nothing of it. It was a sheltered bay and lots of children did it. We jumped in off the stone breakwater too. I swam across the bay. It felt very safe.
I would not let my children do that. We live near Cullercoats and people still swim there. It actually has quite strong currents at times. We do take the children into the water- DH has taken DS(6) on his paddle board and they swim- but we are always with them. I am happy for them to paddle without us standing very close to them but that's it.

Bythepath · 11/07/2021 12:23

I am quite surprised by the answers, We live by the sea and the vast majority of local kids (aged 7 +) go in to just about waist depth without a parent, especially if they are body boarding etc. Granted I dont sit half way up the beach we stay close to the edge and often in the sea too as it is what we enjoy. It does depend on conditions and we are very aware of tides, wind etc and mine are all part of the surf lifesaving club and go in year round so very aware of when waist deep ok and when only a paddle.

savvy7 · 11/07/2021 12:23

YANBU. Even the strongest swimmers can be overcome by the sea.

KibeththeWalker · 11/07/2021 12:23

It does depend where you are. For example, in Weymouth harbour where there is barely any current or disenable waves, I would have let DS stand waist deep, a few metres from an adult at 7.

However, in a surfing cove in Cornwall I wouldn't let him be out of arms reach of an adult even now. He is ex-swim squad so good swimmer and now a national squad sailor, so knows the sea. In surfable waves, he either wears a well fitting buoyancy aid or is securely strapped to a body board AND is between the flags (never an unguarded beach) AND is close to DH (DH in the water).

Don't mess around with the sea.

claralara42 · 11/07/2021 12:24

Nobody can say without knowing more details. At my local beach this wouldn't be a problem most of the time.

savvy7 · 11/07/2021 12:25

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

How strong is her swimming?
At 7? I can tell you it won't be strong enough.
SpeakingFranglais · 11/07/2021 12:25

YANBU, a wave knocked my DD off her feet, churned her up and literally spat her out on the beach in Cornwall this week. Luckily the tide was on its way in and not out and DD is 24!

There were beach markers up and a life guard but still plenty of idiots just ignoring (or not seeing) the markers.

Frazzled2207 · 11/07/2021 12:26

In most cases probably not ok. Unless exceptionally calm like you get in the Mediterranean which also has far less currents.

warmfluffytowels · 11/07/2021 12:27

It depends on a lot of things.

How far away is he? Is it busy and can he spot her easily? Is it rough, open sea or a calm area for safe swimming?

I live on the coast. There are certain places I'd not even paddle and others where swimming reasonably far out is absolutely fine.

But having said all of that - if you don't know the area, the beach or the tides (or the surface under the water) then your DH needs to be with her - taking DD2 with him if necessary. She can play in the waves while the elder one goes further in.