to not want to let DD (7) go in the sea alone?

[Thefifthbeatle]

We are on holiday. DH is letting DD1 (7, able to swim) go into the sea alone "but only up to her waist". He says that he is sitting halfway up the beach with DD2 but that he is watching DD1 all the time. He estimates that he could get to DD1 in 20 seconds. I think that this is too long if a child is in difficulty in the sea, and therefore dangerous. I only want her to go in the sea with an adult. He thinks I am being ridiculous. I'd be really grateful for a sanity check! Thanks in advance.

The sea needs to be treated with respect. We regard it as a just a jolly place to be and forget that it is a killer. A hidden killer, as the undertow is not visible - until it sucks you under or knocks you off your feet.

For me it would depend where you are. Weymouth ok, Newquay, no, he needs to be right next to her.

If you’re not sure what the deal is like then he should move down the beach to the waters edge to be safe.

I let dd1 go in the Solent (very calm) on her own because it was too cold for me. I was stood at the water edge poised to do my Baywatch impression, watching her constantly. I couldn't have been watching dd2 at the same time.

*sea is like

I prefer to stay within grabbing distance when the kids are in the sea but I'd let my 12y.o do this while I sat with the 9y.o.

Mediterranean cove with no big waves, gentle shelving beach and lifeguards? I would.

Atlantic beach with big rollers and rips? No.

So many variables involved to assess this.
A strong 7 year old pool swimmer on holiday is very different to a local child that has grown up on that beach sea swimming.
Sea conditions can vary day by day - plus crowds and visibility, so what was ok yesterday may not be safe today.
20 seconds to get to her assumes he notices her go under... If he is responsible for DD2 how long might he not be watching DD1 as he deals with crying, hunger, nappy etc. And can he actually leave DD2 safely if he needs to rescue DD1.
I personally feel that an adult should be in the water with her at waist depth or she needs to stay at ankle depth.

YANBU

At 7, she will not be strong enough if a current or big wave takes her.
He needs to be closer and she needs to be not so far out, knee depth at most I would say.

I grew up next to the North Sea in Scotland and have huge respect for the power of it. Just a few years ago a 6 year old got into difficulty off Aberdeen beach in the summer ( a standard family beach, used loads) and his Mum went in to try and help him, they both died sadly. RIP Julie and Lucas.

I've lived by the sea my whole life. I have several friends in rescue services. I have known several people who have died in the sea and see numerous accidents weekly. My children are allowed in to the ankle with my supervision and a little bit further while holding my hand. It sounds OTT but I've seen kids get pulled out to sea who were not in much more depth,it can incredibly quickly slope.

Rather OTT in my opinion

OP Why aren't you there with him?

It would depend on what it’s like and whether the tide is going out tbh. I lived by the sea growing up and would certainly be able to swim comfortably in the sea at that age.

I’ve let my eldest go in and watched whilst sitting on the sand. What are the conditions like?

Yanbu.
Unless calm, good swimmer and RNLI beach.

Personally I don't understand why we don't put children in lifejackets as standard when they play in the sea. There are no organised water sports they would be allowed to do without wearing one. I got told off the other week because I was knee deep in an enclosed harbour, surrounded by other competent adults, helping my DS launch his dinghy without a buoyancy aid on. Then in the next breath we are letting tiny kids jump waves on beaches with surf, by themselves in just a swimsuit.

Lifejackets don't make drowning impossible, but they might keep a child at the surface long enough to make them visible and for help to get to them in time.

Children from inner cities are more likely to drown in the sea then beach folk.

We live by the sea and it’s incredibly dangerous, a large ship can creat a huge wave on the beach that sucks children under, rip tides, the sea throws up huge boulders which have killed children here as the dodge the waves in high tide.
Rip tides can happen. Plus jelly fish, cramps in the cold water,

It’s not worth the risk.

You say "we are on holiday " so where are you on the beach, having this discussion with DH ? Can you go and stand with 7 year old?

Completely depends on the beach. I grew up by the sea and were in and out from very young (including often when we shouldn't be, and swimming in deep harbour waters). We live by the sea now, not in the UK, and our local beach is very gently shelving, no tidal range to speak of and usually calm. There's a bit of a tug along the beach but it's onshore and not strong. Dd7 will go in alone if one of us is sitting near the water, but not the 4yo.

Maybe the compromise could be he sits much closer to the waters' edge if conditions are good? I do think it's important to build confidence in the sea.

I have a 7 year old who is relatively good in cold water and is a better swimmer than most his age. Still I wouldn’t be that far from him if we were in the sea.

I have sometimes stood knee deep in the sea (where my younger child is) while he’s waist deep but only at beaches I know and that are very shallow and gradual with small waves. Anything with a drop off, I’m unfamiliar with or with waves/currents I’m within arms reach of him at all times.

My husband is more laid back than me too and it annoys me. Water is one of the risks where the danger and harm happens very quickly with little time to do anything. If a child goes under 20-30 secs could be very significant or if there’s a large wave or strong current the child could be knocked over moved quite a distance before anyone could get to them.

Kind of depends on the beach, lifeguards, other people. Gently shelving, no bad currents, proper lifeguards, I would be ok paddling knee high unless in a life jacket in which case deeper. Mine would wear wetsuits and life jackets at that age as they spent hours bodyboarding, exh would go in with them but also bodyboarding and I sat on the beach keeping an eye as it's hard to keep track of you are boarding

(She doesn't go in alone when we're in the UK in Yorkshire or North Cornwall, but I would let her on familiar South Coast of Cornwall beaches for example). Where we live now they actually do swimming lessons for kids in the sea rather than pools.

I stand at the waters edge for my 5 and 8 year olds.

There are a lot of variables, I wouldn’t be there immediately but also my kids would be ok (as much as you can be!) being dunked by a wave.

My 14yo, reasonably competent in the water, got dumped by a wave last week and pushed down. His dad was nearby. He got the fright of his life and came and sat on the beach for a good while after. I wouldn’t let a 7yo be that far out of reach unless a very shallow, no wave beach.

I’m glad it happened to mine as it showed him what could happen and hopefully will make him more cautious

I let my kids do that. But at my beach you can walk half a mile at waist level. It’s always really calm. No under current

My kids aren’t strong swimmers. But I’m never far away and I NEVER take my eyes off them

I hope the OP has now retrieved her daughter or is supervising properly . I don’t think it is a coincidence that people on this thread who are familiar with the sea are generally the ones suggesting caution.

@jillandhersprite yes I think children have to have an experience of how strong the water/the sea can be to fully appreciate it the risk water can pose.

It would be a hard no from me.