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Original poster

to not want to let DD (7) go in the sea alone?

198 replies

Thefifthbeatle · 11/07/2021 10:35

We are on holiday. DH is letting DD1 (7, able to swim) go into the sea alone "but only up to her waist". He says that he is sitting halfway up the beach with DD2 but that he is watching DD1 all the time. He estimates that he could get to DD1 in 20 seconds. I think that this is too long if a child is in difficulty in the sea, and therefore dangerous. I only want her to go in the sea with an adult. He thinks I am being ridiculous. I'd be really grateful for a sanity check! Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 11/07/2021 15:20

I grew up by the sea and we were only allowed in alone when the tide was coming in.

If you don't know the area and conditions you have no idea how fast the tide can sweep out and take a child with it. I would not allow my child in the sea alone.

Bugger those saying how strong a swimmer is she...

Even the strongest adult swimmer can be caught out by the sea.

Icannever · 11/07/2021 15:24

I go in the sea with my children and they are ten and eight. They wear life jackets as well as you just never know what will happen. We are in the sea a lot and in all kinds of conditions

LaPampa · 11/07/2021 15:29

Fwiw - I swim a lot in the sea and am a strong swimmer. I only go in on my own on beaches I know super well, where the conditions are good and ideally on a rising tide, and swim in waist deep water, and that’s with someone keeping an eye from the beach.

It’s too easy for something to happen and people who drown don’t make a noise or even much commotion sometimes. I just wouldn’t risk it with a young child.

thoselinesjustgetfainter · 11/07/2021 15:47

Definitely not safe, even in normal times. And how much swimming has your 7 year old done in the last year and a bit, because of Covid? Round here pools were closed for a long time. Kids are miles behind in swimming ability.

But even in normal times, a child of 7 should be within easy grabbing distance in the sea.

SkankingMopoke · 11/07/2021 16:28

I have a recently-turned 7yo. She's a good swimmer for her age: can swim 400m, has good technique in all strokes, and I have witnessed her calmly rolling into a starfloat to catch her breath when she's accidentally breathed in water a number of times (rather than panic). I would have absolutely no issue with her being at the far end of a 25m pool on her own whilst I watch from a sunlounger. There is absolutely no way I would allow her more than knee deep in the sea without an adult 1-2-1 right next to her. At knee deep on a calm day I would be happy stood at the water's edge watching. Swimming in a pool is a very different thing to swimming with waves, a current, rip tides, stones, shifting sand underfoot etc. They are not strong or experienced enough to deal with a sudden change, and your DH is not close enough to help them with the speed that may be needed.

C8H10N4O2 · 11/07/2021 17:14

Too many variables for anyone here to answer you.

How good a swimmer is she and what is her temperament?
How good a swimmer is he?
How well do you know the waters and the tides?
Is it calm or not?
What is the general advice on the beach?

Those answers will determine whether or not its a sensible thing to do. I always veered on the side of letting DC take a chance but within a manageable situation.

Confrontayshunme · 11/07/2021 17:22

My in-laws have a beach hut, and every child gets a sharpie mark on their swimsuit at their belly button. If they are seen going in above that, they have to have an adult with them. Exceptions are there for big wave days, but it works really well and increases confidence in the water. They have done this with their kids, godchildren and grandkids and everyone safe so far. And granny (the best swimmer) is usually about 20 metres from the water.

Blackhawkdown2020 · 11/07/2021 17:49

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

lotsofchooksnducks · 11/07/2021 20:43

I'm not a parent - but I have lots of little nieces and nephew who I holiday with.

A child of my family wouldn't be going into the sea alone (apart from washing their feet off etc).
Why would they?
It's potentially dangerous and it's shit for them being on their own when most kids want attention and someone to have fun with.

If the adult watching them gets distracted (which obviously your DH would be if he is in sole charge of another small child) it's so easy to lose sight of them.

Would you be happy with your child walking down Oxford Street alone? Or in a theme park? The answer is probably no and I don't see much difference in the danger.

lotsofchooksnducks · 11/07/2021 20:45

I'm a bloody good, strong and confident swimmer - in a pool.
In the sea I would say I'm 20% as good.

Cocomarine · 11/07/2021 20:50

So, if he’s watching her at all, he acknowledges there is a small risk, yes?
Now I’m all for risk assessment and still living your life.

But say she falls, and he reaches her in 20 seconds - yay!

What’s happening with the less than 7 year old who is alone on a beach and if they go anywhere, will most likely go towards the sea where dad has just sprinted off? Because he’s not getting there in 20 seconds if he’s checking she knows not to move…

So - letting one 7yo go in, close by - yes depending on all the factors others have stated.

When also in sole charge of a younger child?
No.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 11/07/2021 20:55

You can drown in 5 seconds. I would not be happy with your DH

walkoflifewoohoo · 11/07/2021 21:01

On holiday where?

shallIswim · 11/07/2021 21:46

OP why don't you go in the water with your child? I don't understand how you seem to be witness to this but not doing anything. What am I missing?

Murphs1 · 11/07/2021 22:15

I’m always in the sea with mine and they are 10 and 13, so easy to walk out a little too far and then you’re in trouble.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/07/2021 22:16

OP, can you swim? Can DH swim?

Why are neither of you going in with her?

bellabasset · 11/07/2021 22:22

I'm in Cornwall where we get rip tides and the lifeguards would soon persuade you it's unsafe. As people have pointed out swimming in the sea is different to a pool.

aiwblam · 11/07/2021 22:25

Arms reach is the rule

RubyGoat · 12/07/2021 00:52

Say it’s ok. Say she goes under, your DH spots her immediately. 20 seconds to get to her. 10-15 seconds to get her out of the water. Maybe half a minute to get back to where he was sitting, assuming your DD was ok. That’s over a minute away from your younger child, at the bare minimum & probably quite a bit more.

Cushionsnotpillows · 12/07/2021 23:03

@Thefifthbeatle any reply or response to all the advice on this thread? Have you talked to your DH? Genuinely concerned he's not keeping your child safe.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 12/07/2021 23:29

@Cushionsnotpillows don’t be so over-invested. I’m sure they’re not all sitting on the beach.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 12/07/2021 23:30

As in, more than 24 hours later. I’d imagine the situation is now resolved.

IdblowJonSnow · 12/07/2021 23:59

No I wouldn't risk it. Not worth it.
I watch my kids like hawks in the sea, even when they are paddling. I've been knocked flying by waves myself, as an adult, and once got rolled up in a wave and didn't surface for what felt like ages.
I also know of an adult who drowned in the sea after getting caught in a rip.

ApplyWithin · 13/07/2021 00:22

Never ever. I feel queasy just thinking about it tbh. I’m really not a worrier in general about their safety. Definitely not obsessed with keeping them in rear-facing car seats till they’re 14 or cutting up grapes till they’re 16 etc

But the sea? Gives me jitters.

Mixmeup · 13/07/2021 00:23

It's irrelevant how strong a swimmer she is. A strong seven year old swimmer is no match for the sea.