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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to let DD (7) go in the sea alone?

198 replies

Thefifthbeatle · 11/07/2021 10:35

We are on holiday. DH is letting DD1 (7, able to swim) go into the sea alone "but only up to her waist". He says that he is sitting halfway up the beach with DD2 but that he is watching DD1 all the time. He estimates that he could get to DD1 in 20 seconds. I think that this is too long if a child is in difficulty in the sea, and therefore dangerous. I only want her to go in the sea with an adult. He thinks I am being ridiculous. I'd be really grateful for a sanity check! Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
GetInThereLewis · 11/07/2021 10:56

We live near the beach,my two have to wear buoyancy jackets. The parents sat near us all eye roll. But when I was 18,some of my class mates went to the beach. One of the lads was dragged under and disappeared for seemed like forever. It put the fear of god in me.

MilduraS · 11/07/2021 10:57

Depends on the area. My grandparents live by a sheltered cove with tiny waves where I'd be more relaxed. A big wave would be 1ft tall. I used to live by a beach that had rip tides and there's no way on earth I'd let a child in there alone. They were often where the water looked calmest and in my 3 years living there I still hadn't learned to spot them as well as the locals could.

Beenaboutabit · 11/07/2021 10:58

YANBU

At 7 and alone in the sea, it would be knee deep only if I were in this position. Better safe than sorry.

Radio4ordie · 11/07/2021 11:00

In my experience people who grew up by the sea are usually more cautious about this than the rest of us, which we should probably pay attention to! I wouldn’t feel confident doing this. I think I’d probably start doing it once they were nearer 10, but actually it does depend a lot of the safety of the beach, are their lifeguards?, are they a strong swimmer, could you get them a whistle etc etc.

7 seems too young to me though.

SlothinSpirit · 11/07/2021 11:05

How old is DD2? Can he just abandon her to save DD1?

I wouldn't be happy with this. One of you should be with DD2 and the other one in the sea with DD1.

ThanksIGotItInMorrisons · 11/07/2021 11:07

You go in with her???

Bunnycat101 · 11/07/2021 11:09

Absolutely not. I grew up by the sea and was taught to never go in alone as a child. It is very easy to get knocked by a wave, hit a current, for a child to get freaked out by a bit of seaweed etc. We also had lifeguards at our beach.

MarianneUnfaithful · 11/07/2021 11:09

@CecilyP

I would also say it depends on the both on the roughness of the sea and the type of beach it is. At the sandy beach near me, there isn’t much in the way of waves and you have to walk out a great distance before the water gets too deep to stand up. On shingle beaches the shingle tend to be banked up an you can get to very shallow to very deep in a footsteps. Coupled with heavy waves this would be dangerous.

I’m also wondering why he can’t sit nearer with the other child.

And those places with miles of shallow sea on sand can also be the places where channels develop and the tide can ebb and run very fast.

There is a beach like that near where family members grew up where two children aged about 7 and 9 were swept away in knee deep water by ferocious tidal currents.

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/07/2021 11:11

No, one parent, two children, paddling.
Don’t know where they’ll be but every year around the UK coast strong adult swimmers die because of rip tides and unexpected events.
We live on the coast and with more and more people holidaying at home, the RNLI maroons are going off at least twice every day for people who thought they were good swimmers.

Bunnycat101 · 11/07/2021 11:13

Also how much has your 7yos ability to swim been tested in the sea. It is very different to swimming in a pool.

drumst1ck · 11/07/2021 11:14

Nope sorry. I know of two teenage boys who were knee deep and got dragged under. Both died and another lad who tried to save them was left with lifelong disabilities. My kids won't be going in unless they have an adult with them.

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 11/07/2021 11:15

Absolutely no way.

Why take the risk?

GrandmaSteglitszch · 11/07/2021 11:16

@MyFloorIsLava

He can't possibly be watching her properly if he's also engaging with a younger child. Not possible.
THIS.
Notaroadrunner · 11/07/2021 11:18

I live by the sea and there's no way I'd allow this. A strong wave can knock me over, let alone a child. He's completely irresponsible to sit so far away from her. Drowning takes seconds and what does he plan to do with smaller child if he's running to save her?

Sn0tnose · 11/07/2021 11:22

Depends. Is she a strong swimmer? Is she used to sea swimming? Is it a sheltered area? Are there rip tides/currents etc?

If you aren’t familiar with that section of the coast and she hasn’t been swimming in the sea from a young age, then no, I wouldn’t. He’s only got to take his eyes off her for a second and she could go anywhere.

Oceanbliss · 11/07/2021 11:23

Another vote for no. I grew up near the beach and swimming in the sea is very different from swimming in a pool.

Faranth · 11/07/2021 11:27

I've lived near the sea my whole life.

Absolutely, categorically, not OK.

A rip current could easily pull her feet out from under her in that depth water, a wave could knock her over, an idiot on a body board could slam into her, all sorts of thinks could happen.

If she's not with an adult then she shouldn't be in above her knees.

She wouldn't be allowed in a swimming pool without an adult, and that would be with lifeguard right there, in perfectly clear water.

And what's he going to do? Leave the other, presumably younger, child alone while he legs it down the beach? What if younger child is distracting him and he doesn't notice for a minute or two that DD1 isn't visible? He'll spend another couple of minutes scanning the sea and beach to see where she's moved to, won't he, if we're honest?

Unnecessarily dangerous.

VienneseWhirligig · 11/07/2021 11:27

This would make me very anxious. My best friend drowned when we were 10, she was an excellent swimmer but raced her older sister and a friend to the sea in Barmouth, a riptide caught them and only the older sister survived. It had made me so way off going in the sea and I have only ever paddled ankle deep. It might be over cautious but a 7 year old is far too slight and small to be able to survive a freak riptide, like my friend.

Maharajah20 · 11/07/2021 11:31

@Passthecake30

I’d stand by the edge of the sea with dd2 if I were him.
This.

I live next to the beach. In a coastal area with many beaches.
You don’t know the beach. Or the tides. Your daughter may be able to swim but sea swimming is different to pool swimming.

Get up and watch her.

Rose789 · 11/07/2021 11:34

My friend was in a similar position sitting on the beach with her youngest while her 6 year old splashed in the sea. The little one got stung by a wasp and my friend was obviously distracted and consoling the little one and took her eyes off her son. The 6 year old got into difficulties - he was rescued by a passer by but was under the water for a few minutes.

Calmdown14 · 11/07/2021 11:34

On an incoming or outgoing tide? Does he even know? And 'half way up the beach' depends if we are talking small cove or huge expanse of sand.
I think paddling as in not past knees is probably okay but I'd still want him pretty near.
At waist height it's easy to find yourself further out, in a deeper bit of water, knocked off your feet.
At the very least I'd want him along the water's edge.
We were away last week and the number of kids playing unsupervised on an incoming fast tide terrified me

CecilyP · 11/07/2021 11:35

And those places with miles of shallow sea on sand can also be the places where channels develop and the tide can ebb and run very fast.

There is a beach like that near where family members grew up where two children aged about 7 and 9 were swept away in knee deep water by ferocious tidal currents.

That doesn’t sound anything like my local beach which, in fairness, is more estuary than ocean.

Strawberryshitfest · 11/07/2021 11:35

Are you on holiday together? Then can’t one of you watch the younger child whilst the other supervises the older one in the water instead of leaving one of you to supervise both. Or if you can’t be there, he could sit closer to the water not half way up the beach.

TeenMinusTests · 11/07/2021 11:39

No, because it is too easy to accidentally go out of depth as the tide comes in or just from a wave or something.
Getting there in 20s is fine, but how long does it take to realise the child is in trouble in the first place?
I think very few 7yos are really 'strong swimmers'. They are good for their age maybe, but swimming against a current is a different matter.

80Days · 11/07/2021 11:40

He can’t possibly be watching DD1 all the time if he’s also looking after a younger child at the same time. And is DD2 old enough to be safely left on the beach alone if he has to go into the sea to rescue DD1?

What’s the sea like where you are?

Our nearest beach is one that’s right on the North Sea, and you get some massive waves. Even on a calm day the waves can be on the big side for a small child. We don’t let the DC go further than knee deep, with an adult standing at the water’s edge, and that’s on a beach where there’s lifeguards at this time of year.
On the other hand, we have relatives who live near a beach that’s in a sheltered cove, shallow water within the cove with big waves being rare, and I’m a lot more relaxed about letting the DC in the sea there when we visit. Although still not “sitting halfway up the beach” relaxed.