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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have exploded on my friend for this ?

316 replies

Cupcakejamlover · 11/07/2021 01:33

Husband and I, his sister, a family member and his wife decided to spend the day together today. The plan was to go to the mall for a little bit and then go out to different places since they dont live in london and were only here for a visit. We started off by going to the mall, which was extremely busy since its a Saturday. Hubby and i have a newborn who was born with a lung infection and is therefore much more vulnerable when it gets to covid and we are in general much more careful since we do not want to risk anything with him after what we have been through. My husband and i stayed for around 15 minutes and then quickly realised it was way too busy for a vulnerable newborn so we told the others that we will wait for them in the car park (thinking it won’t be too long since we hadnt planned to stay for long anyway).

I didnt want to be rude to the others so out of respect i told them “it is unsafe for the baby here due to the reasons mentioned , we will wait for you in the car park, and since i didnt want to be rude and make them leave immediately i said don’t worry about us take your time.”

For me this was out of respect thinking it would be common sense that if someone is waiting in the car park, they wouldnt make you wait for too long, especially if the plan was only to be there for a little while and then go somewhere else. In my head i was thinking we would wait 10 minutes, 20 minutes , 30 minutes, even an hour i would be still accepting of, but they made us wait for 2 hours with a newborn in the carpark who got extremely fussy.

For me i found this very rude but didnt want to say anything as i tried to understand that queues at tills might have been busy, they might have got lost etc, And was expecting something like “hi guys sorry to keep you waiting, how are you?” When they come back. However they came back extremely dry, almost mad at us themselves (probably for leaving to wait in the car park even though we have a very reasonable excuse) which topped off what already made me quite disappointed and that drove me insane and i bursted at them and told them how rude it was for them to keep us waiting for two hours and then instead of apologising, or even catching up and saying things like hi what should we do now, they were acting all dry themselves, didnt speak to us, and For some reason they didnt even want to do anything else after (which we had initially planned to do other stuff other than the mall) and just planned themselves to go early to our dinner which we were invited to.

They then answered with “ why did you say take your time if you don’t want to wait”

And now i’m thinking was it wrong for me to expect it to be common sense that you wouldnt make people with a newborn to wait 2 hours even if they said take your time? Isnt it obvious that saying take your time is meant out of respect and not to be taken literally? As i said, for me something reasonable would be waiting 30 minutes - 60 minutes max given the business.

What do you guys think?

They never ended up apologising for making us wait for so long, I apologised for exploding which now i regret doing not gonna lie.

FYI i did tell hubbys sister not to stay long since we are waiting in the car park so she knew all along and said okay but then cared nothing, its just the family members that i’m talking about that i said take your time.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 11/07/2021 01:40

I think the whole plan was flawed from the beginning. Why wouldnyou take a vulnerable newborn to a mall at all, never mind for a short time? You then told them to take their time when you clearly didn't mean it. You expected them to read your mind and think about the baby, but that clearly isn't the way it played out. Why did you sit in a car park for so long? Was there really no where else to go away from the crowds? Why didn't you text or ring your family members and ask them to hurry along? Mistakes all around, honestly.

RickiTarr · 11/07/2021 01:42

I’m guessing they don’t have children?

EmergencyHydrangea · 11/07/2021 01:43

I don't say things I don't mean.

joystir59 · 11/07/2021 01:46

Sounds as if you are hanging out with teenagers. YABU for even going on this day out with a newborn baby.

Midnightballerina · 11/07/2021 01:48

I think Yabu. First off it's London it's the weekend of course it's going to be busy. Why went you felt uneasy did you not arrange for you Dh & baby to go home or do something else for a few hours & meet up later. When you said take your time did you really expect them to just stay for 30mins?
Bad plan from the off & you didn't communicate well. They probably didn't want to do anything else for the risk of no being able to read your mind & passing you off again.

Cupcakejamlover · 11/07/2021 01:48

Uou are definitely right about taking the newborn to the mall, however you must note that my husband did mention at home that if it is too busy we won’t stay. We did go to kind of see how busy it actually is and thought maybe it isnt too bad after all, we havent been to the mall since before covid and didnt know what to expect.

In terms of going away from the crouds we did try to walk around less popular shops but nontheless it was extremely busy, i guess its sale season too which topped everything off and we didnt think about at all.

In terms of calling them to tell them to hurry yp, to be honest we just kept telling ourselves they are coming soon for the longest time, thinking it would be common sense not to take too long and we did not look at the clock trying to occupy the baby.
As i said i didnt even want to mention anything even though we did end up waiting 2 hours, only when they came acting all dry after making us wait for so long is what was the icing on the cake and i couldnt handle that as well i guess.

There was definitely mistakes but the question itself was isnt it common sense that just because someone was kind enough to show you some respect and said “take your time”, that you do not take that literally and make them wait two bloody hours?

Am i being unreasonable to think that?

OP posts:
stellaisabella · 11/07/2021 01:48

Tbh I think you were the rude one op. You don't plan a day out with guests if you have every intention of cutting it short to suit you. If you knew there was a chance of a crowd, which you really should have done seeing it's a Saturday - you shouldn't have arranged to go.
I'd be miffed and feel hurried if I was them. I really think it was terrible planning on your part, and blowing up at them wasn't on at all. In the nicest possible way, your world revolves around your dc, everyone else's doesn't.

Dyingflowersagain · 11/07/2021 01:50

YABU for taking a newborn to a London shopping centre, on a Saturday, and being surprised it was busy.

Lbnc2021 · 11/07/2021 01:52

When someone tells me to take my time that’s exactly what I do.

emptyempire · 11/07/2021 01:52

Don't ever say 'take your time' if you actually mean 'hurry up'. Also, you do have an odd turn of phrase 'acting all dry' etc. I sense you're very young and a little over-sensitive. My advice...don't place such unreasonable expectations on your friends.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/07/2021 01:53

Sorry op, this mess was entirely your making. You were being ridiculously unreasonable.

user1471457751 · 11/07/2021 01:56

Saying "take your time" when you don't actually mean it isn't respectful, I don't know why you think it is. It's just you communicating poorly and saying something you don't mean.

EKGEMS · 11/07/2021 01:57

I've been where you are albeit almost 21 years ago. My preemie was on oxygen with underdeveloped lungs and very vulnerable-we isolated with him and NEVER would have drug him to a mall. It was sheer madness to consider that and even more so to say "Take your time" Live and learn. They were rude as well

ScottishNewbie · 11/07/2021 01:59

I think they were rude, and I wouldn't leave anyone waiting, baby or not, for two hours in a car park.
It's just a bloody mall, not some great tourist attraction they can't possibly miss.
I would have been angry also!

BritWifeInUSA · 11/07/2021 02:03

You told them to “take their time” and they did. What’s the problem?

Cupcakejamlover · 11/07/2021 02:03

So for everyone saying dont say things you don’t mean, what would you consider “take your time”? Does that mean i will wait all day all night because i didnt specify? Isnt it common sense that if you say take your time it doesnt mean take all day? Especially that the initial plan was not to stay at the mall for long, you seem to miss this point. The plan was to go to the mall for a short period of time anyway. If it was planned to spend all day there and we expected them to leave early i would understand you, but we never agreed to stay long anyway which is why i said take your time, thinking we agreed not to stay long anyway so we could wait a short period of time in the car park right?

OP posts:
aibubaby · 11/07/2021 02:05

I think YABU I'm afraid OP.

You set an imaginary acceptable time limit in your head and then didn't communicate it at all - in fact, you communicated the opposite and then got angry they didn't read your mind or know what your baby needed (when of course they wouldn't be able to).

emptyempire · 11/07/2021 02:05

But they didn't stay all day, they'd stayed two hours, a relatively normal amount of time for shopping, no?

Cupcakejamlover · 11/07/2021 02:08

A normal amount shopping yes, not when you say we are only going to walk around for a bit and then go somewhere else… the agreement wasnt to go on a shopping spree, the agreement was to stay at the mall for a little while, and i thought i could wait that little while in the car park. They found that they are enjoying it and should have called us and said actually we might stay for longer than we agreed, if you guys want to leave do so! Thats what i would expect.

OP posts:
CrazyCatLazy · 11/07/2021 02:09

No I wouldn’t expect you to wait all day and night. I would be visiting the shops I planned to visit, buy what I fancied and then make my way back out to the people who told me to “take your time”. YABU.

CrazyCatLazy · 11/07/2021 02:10

@Cupcakejamlover

A normal amount shopping yes, not when you say we are only going to walk around for a bit and then go somewhere else… the agreement wasnt to go on a shopping spree, the agreement was to stay at the mall for a little while, and i thought i could wait that little while in the car park. They found that they are enjoying it and should have called us and said actually we might stay for longer than we agreed, if you guys want to leave do so! Thats what i would expect.
What time period did you agree?
pallisers · 11/07/2021 02:10

"take your time" doesn't mean "take 2 hours" in any circumstances. It means - take 10-20 even 30 minutes (stretch)).

OP you should have just left and texted "sorry had to go" I think this excursion was doomed from the start as you and your friends are in radically different places.

Monty27 · 11/07/2021 02:10

Yabu OP. Why ever would you take a newborn to the mall with a group of friends? Seriously?

emptyempire · 11/07/2021 02:11

But you clearly didn't agree an amount of time. How would they know what your expectations were, unless you explicitly agreed a time limit eg: 'we'll wait for you if you'll be less than an hour'.

Cupcakejamlover · 11/07/2021 02:12

We never set a time limit but we literally agreed to not stay long at the mall.

OP posts: