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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have exploded on my friend for this ?

316 replies

Cupcakejamlover · 11/07/2021 01:33

Husband and I, his sister, a family member and his wife decided to spend the day together today. The plan was to go to the mall for a little bit and then go out to different places since they dont live in london and were only here for a visit. We started off by going to the mall, which was extremely busy since its a Saturday. Hubby and i have a newborn who was born with a lung infection and is therefore much more vulnerable when it gets to covid and we are in general much more careful since we do not want to risk anything with him after what we have been through. My husband and i stayed for around 15 minutes and then quickly realised it was way too busy for a vulnerable newborn so we told the others that we will wait for them in the car park (thinking it won’t be too long since we hadnt planned to stay for long anyway).

I didnt want to be rude to the others so out of respect i told them “it is unsafe for the baby here due to the reasons mentioned , we will wait for you in the car park, and since i didnt want to be rude and make them leave immediately i said don’t worry about us take your time.”

For me this was out of respect thinking it would be common sense that if someone is waiting in the car park, they wouldnt make you wait for too long, especially if the plan was only to be there for a little while and then go somewhere else. In my head i was thinking we would wait 10 minutes, 20 minutes , 30 minutes, even an hour i would be still accepting of, but they made us wait for 2 hours with a newborn in the carpark who got extremely fussy.

For me i found this very rude but didnt want to say anything as i tried to understand that queues at tills might have been busy, they might have got lost etc, And was expecting something like “hi guys sorry to keep you waiting, how are you?” When they come back. However they came back extremely dry, almost mad at us themselves (probably for leaving to wait in the car park even though we have a very reasonable excuse) which topped off what already made me quite disappointed and that drove me insane and i bursted at them and told them how rude it was for them to keep us waiting for two hours and then instead of apologising, or even catching up and saying things like hi what should we do now, they were acting all dry themselves, didnt speak to us, and For some reason they didnt even want to do anything else after (which we had initially planned to do other stuff other than the mall) and just planned themselves to go early to our dinner which we were invited to.

They then answered with “ why did you say take your time if you don’t want to wait”

And now i’m thinking was it wrong for me to expect it to be common sense that you wouldnt make people with a newborn to wait 2 hours even if they said take your time? Isnt it obvious that saying take your time is meant out of respect and not to be taken literally? As i said, for me something reasonable would be waiting 30 minutes - 60 minutes max given the business.

What do you guys think?

They never ended up apologising for making us wait for so long, I apologised for exploding which now i regret doing not gonna lie.

FYI i did tell hubbys sister not to stay long since we are waiting in the car park so she knew all along and said okay but then cared nothing, its just the family members that i’m talking about that i said take your time.

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 11/07/2021 03:11

Anywhere in town is out as you wouldn't drive there (unless bananas), I doubt they have car parks...? And if the visitors were going into town then they would not do it in car.

Presumably were going to dump car at station and take it from there?

OP why on earth wait in a stinky exhaust fumes filled car park with your newborn?!

Especially if you were heading different ways anyway.

Why did you even go driving around in town / ish and find parking and get the baby out and all that hassle for what you thought was going to be 20/ 30 mins?

Tbh I find your scrubs actions way stranger than theirs.

Coachradley · 11/07/2021 03:13

Surely after an hour you would’ve rang or call them to see how long they’ll be. However, I couldn’t imagine going shopping for 2 hrs whilst my relative and baby were waiting in the car park. So they were rude too.
I don’t understand if you didn’t plan to stay long why go in the first place. These malls are massive and there are sooo many shops. To go all the way there and then go back after 10-15mins or whatever seems so bizarre.
What were your plans afterwards? Was anything set in stone?

NiceGerbil · 11/07/2021 03:18

'These malls are massive'

Which ones are you thinking it might be?

I'm fascinated where it was!

Also I'm out of touch. We call them malls now? God I'm so out of the loop!

NiceGerbil · 11/07/2021 03:24

I think if shopping was important one of the historical / famous/ fun markets would have been better.

Plenty are open air.
Way more interesting.
Tube makes much more sense and surely not more Corona than shopping centre
In town so ready to explore London.

Liervik · 11/07/2021 03:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Marchitectmummy · 11/07/2021 03:28

Sorry yabu, you need to learn how to communicate effectively rather than assume your loose words will match others.

Will be there not long, needed defining. Then how long you felt happy to sit in the car did too, just simply 'we will wait in the car for you for x, is that long enough if it is more likr y we may go home and come back k for you' or whatever works.

1forAll74 · 11/07/2021 03:36

This is all very tedious to read, saying the same thing over and over, so don't make the same mistakes again. !

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 11/07/2021 03:38

YABU for telling them to take their time, but actually mean 'stay for the amount of time we agreed'. You need to communicate better, or plan more appropriate activities with the newborn in mind.

supersonicginandtonic · 11/07/2021 03:39

You are being unfair, calling it a mall. It's a shopping centre.

Flaxmeadow · 11/07/2021 03:41

What's this obsession about shopping when on holiday. Don't people go on holiday to get away from these mundane tasks. Why would someone go on holiday to traipse round a concrete shopping 'mall' for hours on end anyway?

They sound like massive self absorbed retail bores. Urgh, following people around shops, with a newborn baby as well, grim. What's wrong with them? Why can't they do it by themselves? Can't they read a map.

Did they, or your husband, railroad you into this 'day out'.Some day out,

JeansShirtJeansJacket · 11/07/2021 03:43

YABU unreasonable to plan a day out at the mall with a vulnerable newborn.

You could have even just gone home when you realised it was too busy, and told relatives to get public transport, or taxi, or offered for DH to go and pick them up later on. I'm assuming that the mall had places for your relatives to sit and have coffee, or even have their lunch and a drink?

NiceGerbil · 11/07/2021 03:43

If they want to shop and are on hols in London surely Oxford Street/ Camden/ covent garden etc would be the obvious thing to do?

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 11/07/2021 03:51

Also - what is 'acting dry'?

Flaxmeadow · 11/07/2021 03:55

YABU unreasonable to plan a day out at the mall with a vulnerable newborn

But did the OP plan this? It's not clear. It sounds to me that these guests might have pressured her into it, especially as they ignored mum and new born baby's welfare for hours on end, in favour of tat, trinkets and god know what other consumer goods.

Wouldn't it have been more appropriate and polite to take a bit more care of mum and baby, rather than stuff their bags full of trackies and their faces in the food hall?

OK maybe OP didn't plan things well but she's a mum with a newborn baby

Kalvinette · 11/07/2021 03:56

YABU to take visitors to London to a shopping centre. WTF? You can literally buy anything you want online now. These people came to London and you took them to Stratford (?) to a shopping centre but then even that got cut short?

HAVING SAID THAT: They took the piss. I would have felt okay making you wait 45 min tops. You had a vulnerable baby and they were massively lacking in empathy. Why didn't you call after the first hour tell them to get the tube home?

Fullofglee · 11/07/2021 03:59

You sound gardwork tbh

GeorgiaGirl52 · 11/07/2021 04:10

@Dyingflowersagain

YABU for taking a newborn to a London shopping centre, on a Saturday, and being surprised it was busy.
This^ You said "Take your time" and they did what you said. Don't say it if you don't mean it.
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/07/2021 04:11

You shouldn't have gone in the first place.
But you did.
Why did you say you would wait in the carpark, why not go ahead to the next place and meet them there?
You told them not to rush - you can' t go off at them if they took you at your word!
Some people would be automatically considerate of a baby, others would assume the baby would sleep and you would be fine - they weren't to know which would happen.

All in all I think you were more unreasonable than they were.

Monty27 · 11/07/2021 04:19

OP I thought you meant the Mall as in Buckingham palace
You mean you actually went to a shopping mall? With a newborn amidst a pandemic in central London 😮

MayLeaveADentInYourSofa · 11/07/2021 04:22

If I was your friend in this scenario and I was told to take my time, knowing that you were waiting in the car park, I would probably be about half an hour tops. I'd be annoyed and rolling my eyes thinking I knew this would bloody happen. I don't think it was a sensible choice of day out in the circumstance you describe.

QueenBee52 · 11/07/2021 04:26

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Also - what is 'acting dry'?

Showing a lack of friendliness or interest in others ....

Aprilx · 11/07/2021 04:26

I must admit, I thought the risk of covid to newborns was negligible, but if it is risky then as has been mentioned, then this wasn’t the activity to choose this activity in the first place

You are so unreasonable and in the wrong here, you have some grovelling to do.. “Take your time does” not mean thirty minutes. We might be heading to a shopping centre today, it wouldn’t be worth bothering for thirty minutes, I definitely think two hours is a short amount of time in a shopping centre and they certainly did cut the time short for you anyway.

Why do you say you blew up at a friend in your thread title though? Also what does them being “extremely dry mean”. I can only think you meant they were not caught in a rain shower, but that makes no sense in this context.

hawkehurstgang · 11/07/2021 04:37

The whole thing is weird. Why take a vulnerable newborn to a mall in London and then act surprised when it's busy and insist you need to leave? Surely you must have been able to predict that a mall in London would be busy on a Saturday and that a newborn with a lung condition shouldn't be in this sort of environemnt (even if not especially busy) during a global pandemic?

You DID tell them to take their time, so they did. You could have gone off and done your own thing and met them later rather than literally just standing in the carpark, that was odd too.

It's also odd that these are people you're supposed to be close to yet you didn't just say to them 'Can we leave, I'm worried about the baby'.

Lastly... They don't live in London. It sounds like you do. They were visitors, you were the hosts. You took them to a mall, suddenly remembered your baby shouldn't be in a mall but told them to stay and take their time, so they did exactly what you suggest, and then you "explode" at them for doing the thing that YOU had suggested they do. And then you're surprised that they're a bit off with you afterwards. How could you have thought they'd be 20 minutes? It can take more 20 minutes just to walk around a single shop inside a mall in London?!

Sounds like you planned poorly by talking the newborn and them there in the first place, you told them something was fine while expecting them to psychically know it wasn't fine, you chose to wait around in the carpark like a lemon instead of going to do your own thing, and then you were really rude to them when you were the one who literally created the entire situation.

hawkehurstgang · 11/07/2021 04:43

Also, am I the only one who thinks two hours at a mall is nothing? It's not 'all day' as you keep saying, OP. It's two hours out of a whole day out? I bet at least 30 minutes of those two hours they were trying to find the exit / the car 😂

Flaxmeadow · 11/07/2021 04:47

Posters are responding as if it was solely the OPs idea to go to the 'mall'. But that wasn't the case.