Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have exploded on my friend for this ?

316 replies

Cupcakejamlover · 11/07/2021 01:33

Husband and I, his sister, a family member and his wife decided to spend the day together today. The plan was to go to the mall for a little bit and then go out to different places since they dont live in london and were only here for a visit. We started off by going to the mall, which was extremely busy since its a Saturday. Hubby and i have a newborn who was born with a lung infection and is therefore much more vulnerable when it gets to covid and we are in general much more careful since we do not want to risk anything with him after what we have been through. My husband and i stayed for around 15 minutes and then quickly realised it was way too busy for a vulnerable newborn so we told the others that we will wait for them in the car park (thinking it won’t be too long since we hadnt planned to stay for long anyway).

I didnt want to be rude to the others so out of respect i told them “it is unsafe for the baby here due to the reasons mentioned , we will wait for you in the car park, and since i didnt want to be rude and make them leave immediately i said don’t worry about us take your time.”

For me this was out of respect thinking it would be common sense that if someone is waiting in the car park, they wouldnt make you wait for too long, especially if the plan was only to be there for a little while and then go somewhere else. In my head i was thinking we would wait 10 minutes, 20 minutes , 30 minutes, even an hour i would be still accepting of, but they made us wait for 2 hours with a newborn in the carpark who got extremely fussy.

For me i found this very rude but didnt want to say anything as i tried to understand that queues at tills might have been busy, they might have got lost etc, And was expecting something like “hi guys sorry to keep you waiting, how are you?” When they come back. However they came back extremely dry, almost mad at us themselves (probably for leaving to wait in the car park even though we have a very reasonable excuse) which topped off what already made me quite disappointed and that drove me insane and i bursted at them and told them how rude it was for them to keep us waiting for two hours and then instead of apologising, or even catching up and saying things like hi what should we do now, they were acting all dry themselves, didnt speak to us, and For some reason they didnt even want to do anything else after (which we had initially planned to do other stuff other than the mall) and just planned themselves to go early to our dinner which we were invited to.

They then answered with “ why did you say take your time if you don’t want to wait”

And now i’m thinking was it wrong for me to expect it to be common sense that you wouldnt make people with a newborn to wait 2 hours even if they said take your time? Isnt it obvious that saying take your time is meant out of respect and not to be taken literally? As i said, for me something reasonable would be waiting 30 minutes - 60 minutes max given the business.

What do you guys think?

They never ended up apologising for making us wait for so long, I apologised for exploding which now i regret doing not gonna lie.

FYI i did tell hubbys sister not to stay long since we are waiting in the car park so she knew all along and said okay but then cared nothing, its just the family members that i’m talking about that i said take your time.

OP posts:
CrazyCatLazy · 11/07/2021 02:12

@emptyempire

But you clearly didn't agree an amount of time. How would they know what your expectations were, unless you explicitly agreed a time limit eg: 'we'll wait for you if you'll be less than an hour'.
Precisely this.
stellaisabella · 11/07/2021 02:12

Op - AIBU??
Pp - yes
Op - no I'm not

CrazyCatLazy · 11/07/2021 02:13

@Cupcakejamlover

We never set a time limit but we literally agreed to not stay long at the mall.
But your “not long” and their “not long” may be two different things. My partner spending 20mins in a shop is not long to him, my spending 2hrs in a shop isn’t long to me.
CJsGoldfish · 11/07/2021 02:13

Am i being unreasonable to think that?

Yeah. YABU. You asked the question but won't accept the responses. Not to mention taking a 'vulnerable newborn' to a mall on a weekend. In London! WTAF?

Cupcakejamlover · 11/07/2021 02:14

@stellaisabella i’m not saying i’m not, rather i’m trying to give you the full image and trying to understand myself where i’m wrong, where is the problem with that?

OP posts:
Flaxmeadow · 11/07/2021 02:14

YANBU
Unfortunately this is what happens when you associate with shopaholics. A shopping trip is like crack to these people and they get on a one track mind, with no regard for anyone else as long as they get their fix.

In future I would only agree to meet these addict relatives in a park, museum or the like.

CrazyCatLazy · 11/07/2021 02:15

@Flaxmeadow

YANBU Unfortunately this is what happens when you associate with shopaholics. A shopping trip is like crack to these people and they get on a one track mind, with no regard for anyone else as long as they get their fix.

In future I would only agree to meet these addict relatives in a park, museum or the like.

😂😂😂
stellaisabella · 11/07/2021 02:16

@Flaxmeadow

YANBU Unfortunately this is what happens when you associate with shopaholics. A shopping trip is like crack to these people and they get on a one track mind, with no regard for anyone else as long as they get their fix.

In future I would only agree to meet these addict relatives in a park, museum or the like.

😂😂😂😂
Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 11/07/2021 02:16

You told them to take their time.

They took their time.

Cupcakejamlover · 11/07/2021 02:16

I guess i am being unreasonable then. You’re right i shouldnt have said take your time or at least put off a time limit, i guess the whole thing was mis communication. I’m glad i asked here since its definitely opened my eyes.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 11/07/2021 02:22

Sorry- it's their holiday, and they wanted a wander round the shops. 2 hours if it's a big shopping centre is bugger all tine, so they did hurry. You preferring to sit in the car park than being inside, whilst understandable was also really unworkable- you should have gone home. To then blast them because they weren't accomodating enough for your liking- not fair. Them being annoyed because they had to rush round and showing that, but really fair. If your concerned you have CEV baby- a Saturday in London is never going to be quiet- you should have stayed at home, and let them enjoy their day out.

Ihavehadenoughalready · 11/07/2021 02:25

I don't think the "take your time" thing is the problem here.

It's you having made unreasonable plans with a vulnerable newborn.

You were planning on carting around and caring for a newborn to multiple places and then you bailed on event number one due to entirely foreseeable circumstances.

I can see why the others were miffed at you.

Flaxmeadow · 11/07/2021 02:26

YANBU

CeeceeBloomingdale · 11/07/2021 02:37

YABU for not communicating effectively and expecting them to read your mind. It sounds like an unsuitable day out with a very vulnerable newborn, you should have also said this and not even attempted this day out.

QueenBee52 · 11/07/2021 02:45

I can't imagine anywhere worse to take a new born ... 🥴

userrnamemn · 11/07/2021 02:48

Don’t be hard on yourself, or them. It isn’t a big deal. You apologised for blowing up. It’s just a lesson learnt. Smile

NiceGerbil · 11/07/2021 02:54

Which mall in London?
Why did you wait in the carpark rather than going for a walk?
Did you go in one car? If not why not say heading home. Worried. Meet you at X later.
Who has shopping trips that you drive to in town and then spend 10 mins there? Think that's a reasonable amount of time? Shopping trip esp driving in London plus parking is surely expected at least 2 hours more likely half a day or a day?
Why did you go in the first place with Corona and newborn with lung infection??!! London is always busy even if quiet iyswim.

So many questions!!!

NiceGerbil · 11/07/2021 03:01

Sorry more questions!

'The plan was to go to the mall for a little bit and then go out to different places since they dont live in london and were only here for a visit'

Why did you say wait in car park? Newborn with dodgy lungs + exhaust fumes? Why did you think to wait there?

If you were all splitting up anyway why not just leave?

Where were they going to go and look at in London by car? Were you taking the car? I'm thinking outskirts?! Interested to know where. I'm North and not that familiar with outer areas east West South tbh.

Twelvetimestwo · 11/07/2021 03:02

Got to be Westfield?

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 11/07/2021 03:04

You could’ve just not said ‘take your time’.

Instead, you should’ve just said, ‘it’s a bit too busy in here, we’re going to head outside and will wait for you in the car park. See you when you’re done’.

By saying ‘take your time’, you’ve completely removed any sense of urgency from the situation.

NiceGerbil · 11/07/2021 03:04

Sorry last question!

What does dry mean in your OP? I thought it was a typo but it's more than once and I have no idea what it means!

Probably slang I don't know. I'm getting on a bit!

SoosanCarter · 11/07/2021 03:04

@NiceGerbil

Which mall in London? Why did you wait in the carpark rather than going for a walk? Did you go in one car? If not why not say heading home. Worried. Meet you at X later. Who has shopping trips that you drive to in town and then spend 10 mins there? Think that's a reasonable amount of time? Shopping trip esp driving in London plus parking is surely expected at least 2 hours more likely half a day or a day? Why did you go in the first place with Corona and newborn with lung infection??!! London is always busy even if quiet iyswim.

So many questions!!!

Something doesn’t add up. You say you “exploded” on your friend, but in fact they were relatives.

Hmmmmmm.

SilverBirchWithout · 11/07/2021 03:05

What does being ‘dry’ mean?

NiceGerbil · 11/07/2021 03:05

Lakeside/ the other one near there?

Not Brent X I think.

Could be London but not really eg Watford or similar?

SilverBirchWithout · 11/07/2021 03:08

What were the plans for later going to be, were you sitting in a car in the car park, or just hanging about.
Sounds like a rubbish day out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread