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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have exploded on my friend for this ?

316 replies

Cupcakejamlover · 11/07/2021 01:33

Husband and I, his sister, a family member and his wife decided to spend the day together today. The plan was to go to the mall for a little bit and then go out to different places since they dont live in london and were only here for a visit. We started off by going to the mall, which was extremely busy since its a Saturday. Hubby and i have a newborn who was born with a lung infection and is therefore much more vulnerable when it gets to covid and we are in general much more careful since we do not want to risk anything with him after what we have been through. My husband and i stayed for around 15 minutes and then quickly realised it was way too busy for a vulnerable newborn so we told the others that we will wait for them in the car park (thinking it won’t be too long since we hadnt planned to stay for long anyway).

I didnt want to be rude to the others so out of respect i told them “it is unsafe for the baby here due to the reasons mentioned , we will wait for you in the car park, and since i didnt want to be rude and make them leave immediately i said don’t worry about us take your time.”

For me this was out of respect thinking it would be common sense that if someone is waiting in the car park, they wouldnt make you wait for too long, especially if the plan was only to be there for a little while and then go somewhere else. In my head i was thinking we would wait 10 minutes, 20 minutes , 30 minutes, even an hour i would be still accepting of, but they made us wait for 2 hours with a newborn in the carpark who got extremely fussy.

For me i found this very rude but didnt want to say anything as i tried to understand that queues at tills might have been busy, they might have got lost etc, And was expecting something like “hi guys sorry to keep you waiting, how are you?” When they come back. However they came back extremely dry, almost mad at us themselves (probably for leaving to wait in the car park even though we have a very reasonable excuse) which topped off what already made me quite disappointed and that drove me insane and i bursted at them and told them how rude it was for them to keep us waiting for two hours and then instead of apologising, or even catching up and saying things like hi what should we do now, they were acting all dry themselves, didnt speak to us, and For some reason they didnt even want to do anything else after (which we had initially planned to do other stuff other than the mall) and just planned themselves to go early to our dinner which we were invited to.

They then answered with “ why did you say take your time if you don’t want to wait”

And now i’m thinking was it wrong for me to expect it to be common sense that you wouldnt make people with a newborn to wait 2 hours even if they said take your time? Isnt it obvious that saying take your time is meant out of respect and not to be taken literally? As i said, for me something reasonable would be waiting 30 minutes - 60 minutes max given the business.

What do you guys think?

They never ended up apologising for making us wait for so long, I apologised for exploding which now i regret doing not gonna lie.

FYI i did tell hubbys sister not to stay long since we are waiting in the car park so she knew all along and said okay but then cared nothing, its just the family members that i’m talking about that i said take your time.

OP posts:
MouldyPotato · 11/07/2021 16:08

@Imasoulman

For the love of God, stop saying "mall" we have shopping centres in the UK !
And confusingly we have shopping centers called xxx Mall
PerveenMistry · 11/07/2021 16:14

@missmopple

I am dumbstruck that visitors to London wanted to waste time a a retail mall

Dumbstruck FFS Grin

I lived in London for many years. We now live in the middle of nowhere in another European country. Shops are few and far between, and we certainly have no access to the bigger named stores.

Tell us what you do in your spare time and/or have visitors and we can all be dumbstruck that you would "waste" your time doing such mundane things.

If I ever get to go to London again then I will most definitely be pencilling in an entire day for Westfield.

I'm in the US and have only had the pleasure of visiting London twice. Would love to live there & spend my free time visiting historical and cultural sites, of which there are precious few where I reside.
Bitofachinwag · 11/07/2021 17:07

I know Wikipedia isn't always the most reliable of sources, but I think they are right this time:

The Mall (/ˈmæl/[1]) is a road in the City of Westminster, central London, between Buckingham Palace at its western end and Trafalgar Square via Admiralty Arch to the east. Near the east end at Trafalgar Square and Whitehall it is met by Horse Guards Road and Spring Gardens where the Metropolitan Board of Works and London County Council were once based. It is closed to traffic on Saturdays, Sundays, public holidays and on ceremonial occasions

CoralSparkles · 11/07/2021 17:11

@Abhannmor

2 hours in a mall. What are they ; teenagers? Of course you're not being unreasonable!Flowers
Depends on how large the shopping centre is. I can easily spend 3+ hours shopping with friends or my mum. None of us our teens.
bakebeans · 11/07/2021 17:52

Who on earth goes to a mall for an hour honestly especially if you have never been and are visitors to the area
You are being unreasonable. The sensible thing to do would have to stay at home and let them visit the mall by themselves.
You said take your time!
Why was it up to them to ring you and say they are staying more than an hour?? What was wrong with you calling them.

missmopple · 11/07/2021 17:52

@PerveenMistry

Horses for courses.

But I am not "dumbstruck" that this is what you prefer to do Grin

Lalliella · 11/07/2021 18:22

YABU for taking a vulnerable newborn to a mall. What on earth were you thinking?

HuntingoftheSnark · 11/07/2021 19:12

YANBU because regardless of the wisdom of taking a vulnerable newborn to a shopping centre and some over politeness or lack of communication with timing, you have created a very entertaining thread which I have enjoyed reading. I especially like the pronunciation of "mall" and definition of "dry". And the crazy Londoners malling it up and going dry. 😃

NeonDreams · 12/07/2021 15:27

If I had a newborn I wouldn't take them into London - lung problem or not. In fact I or my husband would stay home with the baby. The baby would not be taken anywhere near London. So I question what you were even doing taking a newborn baby into London. Even without lung problems! You obviously are not 'careful' at all with him, even having visitors, let alone going to London, let alone taking the defenceless newborn baby into London. You don't seem to be careful at all about his health. If you were, the visitors wouldn't have even been with you.

Surely you knew about Covid, and knew about your son's problems, before inviting them to stay with you/go to London? Did you not think about Covid before today? Did it not cross your mind that taking a newborn baby into London would be a risk - BEFORE you set out for London? Why would you even PLAN a day into London, and then turn around and freak out about Covid? Did it not occur to you BEFORE you made the plans?

Your behaviour was extremely rude, in fact, you should be apologising to them. You ruined their day for something you knew about beforehand. If they wanted to go to the mall and shops in London they could have done that without you and your DH and DC tagging along. You offered to take them to London, then did a 180 and complained about Covid and your DC's health - both of which you knew about before you all set out. You acted irrationally, passive aggressively and immaturely. You do owe them an apology.

You didn't have to tag along. You could have let them go there, and then you could have met them later. Instead you chose to embarrass them and make them feel bad. Your behaviour was immature, passive aggressive and very nasty. You gave no thought into any planning and you ruined the day. If your son was a newborn, let alone born with a lung infection, you should never have even thought of going into London with them in the first place.

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 12/07/2021 15:32

This thread is so odd.

The OP could’ve just not said ‘take your time’.

Or sat like a 🍋 in the car park for two hours.

NeonDreams · 12/07/2021 15:38

Or, the OP could have stayed at home (which is where her DC should have been) and let them make a day of it in the mall instead of tagging along and then making them feel bad by sulking in a carpark.

Confusedandshaken · 12/07/2021 16:17

@NeonDreams

If I had a newborn I wouldn't take them into London - lung problem or not. In fact I or my husband would stay home with the baby. The baby would not be taken anywhere near London. So I question what you were even doing taking a newborn baby into London. Even without lung problems! You obviously are not 'careful' at all with him, even having visitors, let alone going to London, let alone taking the defenceless newborn baby into London. You don't seem to be careful at all about his health. If you were, the visitors wouldn't have even been with you.

Surely you knew about Covid, and knew about your son's problems, before inviting them to stay with you/go to London? Did you not think about Covid before today? Did it not cross your mind that taking a newborn baby into London would be a risk - BEFORE you set out for London? Why would you even PLAN a day into London, and then turn around and freak out about Covid? Did it not occur to you BEFORE you made the plans?

Your behaviour was extremely rude, in fact, you should be apologising to them. You ruined their day for something you knew about beforehand. If they wanted to go to the mall and shops in London they could have done that without you and your DH and DC tagging along. You offered to take them to London, then did a 180 and complained about Covid and your DC's health - both of which you knew about before you all set out. You acted irrationally, passive aggressively and immaturely. You do owe them an apology.

You didn't have to tag along. You could have let them go there, and then you could have met them later. Instead you chose to embarrass them and make them feel bad. Your behaviour was immature, passive aggressive and very nasty. You gave no thought into any planning and you ruined the day. If your son was a newborn, let alone born with a lung infection, you should never have even thought of going into London with them in the first place.

This seems a bit extreme. There are many, many babies in London. Lots are even born here and most live normal, healthy lives!
SemperIdem · 12/07/2021 16:31

@NeonDreams you realise people actually live in London?

Looubylou · 12/07/2021 16:32

You don't expect to go to a shopping centre and expect to have to leave in 30 minutes. Pre covid I could spend 5 hours easy. Better communi action and honesty required too. The reason they didn't want to go anywhere else was due to your behaviour. YABU, but you were right to apologise.

AffableApple · 12/07/2021 16:52

YABVU. Daft thing to plan at a even dafter time of the week, and then you said take your time. How long would you usually spend in a shopping centre/mall? A couple of hours is a quick trip for the average person, I'd say.

TotorosCatBus · 12/07/2021 16:55

If you'd told me to take my time I would assume that a few hours was fine and perhaps you were going to drop off the baby and h back home then return.

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