XDH won't help support DD now she's 18

[AbsolutelySure]

We're divorced but amicable. We had a court order for him to pay maintenance until she leaves secondary education. I thought this would be August when she receives her A level results and child benefit stops but he checked with her school and they said she was no longer on the register from June so he stopped paying. I didn't argue the toss but asked if he could help me support her financially until she goes to Uni or would he consider either giving her the money direct or help by going 50/50 on getting her set up at Uni. He said no. I'm disappointed for her that he's acted this way. DD has not got a job because I wanted her to focus on her studies. She's applied for jobs since leaving school but has so far been unsuccessful.

That is a bit mean, but do you need the money

God doesn't he sound like a peach?

He checked with school to see when she was no longer on roll?! Awful.

I'm half expecting my ex to do this when DS leaves college next summer, in fact I'm expecting him to try it later this year when he turns 18. What is it with these men

What a turd

@Macncheeseballs I work full time but was made redundant earlier this year and had to take a pay cut so whilst I'm not skint, it'll make things quite tight until she's settled. He earns x4 more than I do with no financial responsibilities.

Christ what a wanker op.
I'm half expecting my ex to pull this shit ,its like getting money out if a stone at the best of times.
As soon as most men leave the family home they become but sperm donors apparently. ARSEHOLES

... but he has a court order that says we had an agreement so his conscience is clear. It's just disappointing

What a cunt! Hope dd remembers this…

If she's going to uni I believe she can claim from him directly- especially if she is only getting minimum loan because of earnings.

Nice of him I hope your daughter remembers this

Same situation here. And my dds dad is basically a millionaire. And a dickhead. No words of advice but just to say I understand how you feel.

@LittleOwl153 I think she's getting near maximum maintenance loan due to my low earnings, two thirds of that will go on accommodation. I had a feeling he'd withdraw support but I really wished he would've helped out until she at least got settled and received her loan which she won't get until she's been at uni for a couple of weeks

Probably the completely wrong approach to get your daughter involved but could you ask her to speak to him face to face? Not as in 'my mum said' type of way but 'I'm worried about money while I'm at uni, is there any way you could help?'
It's much easier to say no to you over message than it is to say no to her face to face

Sounds like my ex, she would have to take him to court but my solicitor said usually a letter is enough! I’m in Scotland so might be different as legally obliged to pay until 21 or out of full time education

Nice of him, I’m sure your DD thinks highly of him now! He should have sent the money directly to your DD every month imo but she does need a PT job, most uni students work PT.

I'm all for being positive about the other parent normally, but your now adult daughter needs to have this situation made clear to her. Men I know, switched to paying directly to their adult student DS/DD.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick no she won't ask him, a couple of years ago she plucked up the courage to ask him if she could 'borrow' £30 for a pair of jeans, he lent her the money and then kept texting to find out when she was going to pay him back which totally stressed her out.

Same.

Plus a message in June saying “Just transferred the last payment - it’s up to you to support him from now on.”

He won’t give ds a penny, I’ve not even entertained the idea actually, it just wouldn’t happen.

Like a pp I would also suggest she speaks to him face to face and tells him her situation, and perhaps that she’s looking for a summer job but has been unsuccessful so far and she’s fed up.

Perhaps adding that there’s no nice food in mums house and I’m fed up can I come and live with you dad?

At which point he will shit a brick and hopefully stump up some dosh?

A prime example of selfishness , so common in the male of the species IME . Sad. She will remember this and be disappointed in him as well. Pity he can't see that.

@AdaFuckingShelby

A prime example of selfishness , so common in the male of the species IME . Sad. She will remember this and be disappointed in him as well. Pity he can't see that.

Agreed. Does he stop being a parent now? DHs father was very similar and now the chickens have come home to roost.

Men like that are so shortsighted, I'll never understand them.

I don't really understand. Why do you think she'll need more money? My son got maximum student loan and never needed more money from anyone

Oh hey, my dad pulled this stunt too. We have a difficult relationship now.

We had a court order for him to pay maintenance until she leaves secondary education. annoying as it is he has done exactly what was agreed.

If he is financially able to then he could give the money directly to her now if she needs it. But that relies on him not being a dick.

@Doghead

I don't really understand. Why do you think she'll need more money? My son got maximum student loan and never needed more money from anyone

Looks like dads arrived 🙄

2/3 of her loan is being taken up with rent its going to be pretty tight a real parent would offer to help until things ease up a bit or a job is acquired

@Doghead I've not asked him for more money for when she's at uni living daily life, I've asked him if he'd like to help financially to get her set up at uni, buying things like kitchen stuff etc. It's his choice not to help, I'm just disappointed in his decision.