XDH won't help support DD now she's 18

[AbsolutelySure]

We're divorced but amicable. We had a court order for him to pay maintenance until she leaves secondary education. I thought this would be August when she receives her A level results and child benefit stops but he checked with her school and they said she was no longer on the register from June so he stopped paying. I didn't argue the toss but asked if he could help me support her financially until she goes to Uni or would he consider either giving her the money direct or help by going 50/50 on getting her set up at Uni. He said no. I'm disappointed for her that he's acted this way. DD has not got a job because I wanted her to focus on her studies. She's applied for jobs since leaving school but has so far been unsuccessful.

What does she need the money for? Is it to pay for her share of the bills etc before she goes to uni? Or to eat? I'd suggest she spells it out to him what she needs paying for before she heads of to uni and ask for his help. She could apply for temp work in the mean time?

I've asked him if he'd like to help financially to get her set up at uni, buying things like kitchen stuff etc ah cross posted sorry. You could send him a list of things she needs for uni and ask if he wants to buy any of them?

@MouldyPotato she will be applying for a job when she gets to uni to subsidise her maintenance loan. Any contribution from him would be to help her to get set up in her living accommodation. It might not be much, but it's a shame he isn't willing to help and it's a shame she doesn't feel comfortable approaching him if she's short of money.

@MouldyPotato another cross post. Your list sounds like a good idea

Yes it's a shame and sad for her to realise her dad is like this. She shouldn't have to ask he should be offering. I'd try not to get too upset about it in front of her in case she feels money is then a sore subject to discuss with you if she gets stuck.

[quote AbsolutelySure]@DrinkFeckArseBrick no she won't ask him, a couple of years ago she plucked up the courage to ask him if she could 'borrow' £30 for a pair of jeans, he lent her the money and then kept texting to find out when she was going to pay him back which totally stressed her out. [/quote]
He's a shit

Well the lack of effort he has put in now will be repaid to him in full when he realises he has a poor relationship with his own child. It’s awful though but nothing you can do.

Haha! Yes sorry!

A list would be good as it would show exactly what she needs and he can offer to buy things (even if he just chooses small things it will help) but also can be framed as a "so we don't duplicate" message so you don't feel like you are begging.

She's 18 - she can get a summer job.

She also sign on.

I really hope that in three years, when he complains that she hasn't allocated him a ticket to attend her graduation, she says to him 'my conscience is clear.'.

McDonalds, Coop, KFC, M & S, Tesco - all will look good on her CV. She's not a child anymore.

@DingDongThongs yes she's applied for jobs but as she's leaving in two months she's been unsuccessful. She will apply for jobs when she gets to uni

He sounds absolutely awful, I doubt she will forget this behaviour.

@DingDongThongs

She's 18 - she can get a summer job.

Where are all these mythical summer jobs? Possibly at the coast but nowhere else.

My 18 year old had applied for everything going for 6 months now, not even had an interview. Agencies have said he’s competing against people with degrees and years of experience for entry positions/shop work/anything. It’s hard at the moment.

There's lots of jobs in hospitality at the moment, there might be something suitable there. Or through an agency. It won't be for long but they might take her on again if she comes back next summer.

She’s not a child but she’s only 18. And her father has clearly been an arsehole for some time if a few years ago (so when she was 15/16) he wouldn’t give her money for a pair of jeans. And it isn’t as easy to just ‘get a job’ when you’re about to leave for uni.

My ex did this last year but in March when the college closed its doors and exams were cancelled

They haven't spoken to each other in over a year and our younger child 17 so not a young child is expecting the same to happen to her so is already winding up the very sporadic contact anyway

Meanwhile he is financing his adult step child and his 16 year old step child

Arsebucket ah I didn't think of that. Lots of jobs but also lots of people needing jobs.

There’s loads of hospitality and care jobs around at the moment. Tell her to apply to one of the chains that also have a branch near uni. Then she can just explain that she would like a transfer in September

@AbsolutelySure

Do they have a good relationship? Not that it should matter but it seems so bizarre that a parent would want to see their child loose out.

We also live in a village with minimal and costly bus routes and I work full time. DD can't drive yet either

I think that's very mean. But sounds like she might need to get a job for a few hours a week.

I'm in a nice tourist area- jobs are advertised in every shop.

There's always work if you want it. Even a paper round would help. Log on JCP & find something. She needs to realise an education costs.