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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Treated like a maid in this house, so I've booked a cleaner!

242 replies

butterflies218 · 10/07/2021 01:30

I have endometriosis, which is currently crippling me (been bleeding non stop for 19 days now)

So DH has gone camping for the weekend with friends (he's not the issue, he works 7 day weeks running his own business) on the occasion he takes a day off (rare) he will absolutely do his own laundry, my laundry, gardening etc when I haven't managed to do it because of pain.

The problem is his sister who lives with us! They moved in 3 years ago, his Mum basically kicked her and her boyfriend out as she wanted extra space (don't get me started on MIL).

I work 12 hour days, as does DH then he does his admin and paperwork when he gets home.

He works 9-5 from home, she is furloughed, NOTHING gets done, we've had numerous talks, they don't even empty a clean dishwasher, they leave their shit stacked up on my kitchen sides, their laundry by the washing machine, play Xbox in their room, never ever have picked up the hoover since they've lived here.

We agreed they move in for a year (3 years ago!) they saved to go travelling and went travelling for a year, the first year they were great, then came back to save again to go back travelling and covid hit. No travelling. So they've been in the house 24/7. They are moving out next month (thank the lord).

I got home tonight, DH away, they'd left to go visit his parents for a week 4 hours away, my house was a tip! I've been a mess all week with pain, bleeding, new medication etc. They left their pans with burnt super noodles in the bottom on the kitchen side, plates stacked up (I emptied the dishwasher last night Hmm), no water in the dog bowl, shit stains in my toilet, piled the recycling so high it's ripped over.

I lost my shit, called my husband, told him I was booking a cleaner for tomorrow as I'm in too much pain to lug the hoover about and clean and I sent a message to our group chat telling them they will be picking up the £70 bill. This is fair to me seeing as neither myself or DH leave dirty plates on side/don't clean our shit stains off toilet/don't leave our room an absolute dive/spilled orange pasta sauce from lunch on the cream sofa cushions.

They've read and not responded. They pay us £200 each a month rent. Food, sky, laundry products included and I feel like they've just taken the piss out of us since covid hit.

I've had an arsey text from MIL "I think booking a cleaner is unreasonable and to then charge them for it, it's very petty" sorry? I work my arse off, as does DH and I clean every weekend and do our laundry, this weekend I cannot as I am in awful pain.

Please tell me AIBU? I'm so sick of this all, the sooner they go the better!!!!!

OP posts:
Penguin82 · 10/07/2021 01:34

Oh my gosh absolutely not unreasonable of you at all! Perhaps they should stay with mil and see how that goes...?

No experience or knowledge of endometriosis but I understand its very painful and draining. Take care of yourself and I hope you manage some rest xxx

MoppaSprings · 10/07/2021 01:36

Time to kick them out. The arrangement has never worked for you and they haven’t done anything to try and change that

AlCalavicci · 10/07/2021 01:41

I dont blame you for booking a cleaner at all , getting them to pay for it , hmm I am not so sure they already pay £400 a month rent to you which seems quite high to me but my rent is very low so I may have the wrong perspective .
Hindsight is a wonderful thing , but you should of told them right at the start of them staying with you / starting to leave a mess that you were not happy and you would raise the rent in order to pay for a cleaner if they didn't sort themselves out.

butterflies218 · 10/07/2021 01:44

@AlCalavicci we pay £1500 a month rent, £400 where I live would get you a room in a shared house.

OP posts:
Doona · 10/07/2021 01:47

You're not unreasonable at all, but if I were you I'd try to grit my teeth and be nice because they are moving out soon. Bad endings can linger for years and it's probably not worth it long term.

Watchingyou2sleezes · 10/07/2021 01:49

He is part of the issue. He should have thrown his lame arsed sister and associated hanger on out a couple of years ago...

Gather up their crap, tell them it will be available for them to pick up next week at a time of your convenience and they can go forth and multiply.

INSTRUCT your DH that all that is non negotiable...

They've got a roof where they are and after DMIl's little contribution let her see the reality for herself..

WhyMrsRobinson · 10/07/2021 01:52

They sound dreadful! Not sure you’ll get the money though, but I suspect you will end up being called the unreasonable one. May be best to let it go - or I love the idea of getting them to stay with mil!

RoisinD · 10/07/2021 01:54

Well done you. Take photos of the mess and send them to MIL including one of the shitty toilet. Suggest she take them back. Time to stop being nice and allowing them to take advantage.

RightYesButNo · 10/07/2021 01:59

Tell MIL if that’s how she feels then they can skip returning to your house at the end of this week and just move straight back to hers.

I’m not sure why they were allowed to move back into your house after travelling but NEVER again.

And I’m so sorry, OP, as endometriosis pain can be just absolutely gut-wrenching (well, because that’s what’s happening! Your guts are being wrenched). They can’t be bothered to clean anything but expect you to be the skivvy when your whole abdomen feels wrapped in barbed wire. Please feel better soon Flowers

Elbie79 · 10/07/2021 02:10

YADNBU! Fuck them and your MIL.

burritofan · 10/07/2021 02:18

hmm I am not so sure they already pay £400 a month rent to you which seems quite high to me
That £400 doesn’t cover the OP being their skivvy, though, or give them carte blanche to behave like animals.

Crazycakelady17 · 10/07/2021 02:26

You are definitely not being unreasonable my children don’t treat out house like that they clean there skids wash up if they cook and run the hoover round and they are 17 and 11
Get rid let MIL keep them if she’s so precious

AlCalavicci · 10/07/2021 02:35

@butterflies218 Eek , ok that is more than reasonable rent to charge and yes they should pay for a cleaner too .

@burritofan, of course it doesn't mean they can treat OP like a skivvy, no amount of rent would allow that .

Hydrate · 10/07/2021 02:40

YANBU!

LemonDrizzles · 10/07/2021 02:58

Yanbu

Inthesameboat2 · 10/07/2021 03:02

YADNBU

k1233 · 10/07/2021 03:06

Take pictures and send them to MIL. Ask her if reasonable people would leave a house in that state. She's welcome to have them back.

Shelddd · 10/07/2021 03:15

You're too kind... Not too kind sorry it's good you are as kind as you are... Don't let them change that.

Absolutely you were right to get a cleaner. They should be at the minimum cleaning up after themselves... Although they should also be offering to help out a bit.

This is tricky though. If you know 100% they are gone next month then I don't know if it's worth the fight.

timeisnotaline · 10/07/2021 03:25

Just reply to mil ‘does that mean they can move back in with you this weekend?’

QueenBee52 · 10/07/2021 03:47

Resend the same message to the group chat.. IN CAPITALS this time Grin

GCAcademic · 10/07/2021 04:56

Of course you’re not being unreasonable.

But you need to tell them to leave. Why have you put up with this for so long?

GCAcademic · 10/07/2021 04:57

Sorry, I’ve just seen that they are leaving. That’s lowered my blood pressure slightly. I don’t know how you’ve put up with them being in your house for so long,

readingismycardio · 10/07/2021 04:59

well done, OP!

Tlollj · 10/07/2021 05:00

God I couldn’t put up with this for three days let along three years. Take photos and put them in the chat too.

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 10/07/2021 05:01

YANBU. They are very disrespectful. You have been incredibly patient by the sound of things!

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