Treated like a maid in this house, so I've booked a cleaner!

[butterflies218]

I have endometriosis, which is currently crippling me (been bleeding non stop for 19 days now)

So DH has gone camping for the weekend with friends (he's not the issue, he works 7 day weeks running his own business) on the occasion he takes a day off (rare) he will absolutely do his own laundry, my laundry, gardening etc when I haven't managed to do it because of pain.

The problem is his sister who lives with us! They moved in 3 years ago, his Mum basically kicked her and her boyfriend out as she wanted extra space (don't get me started on MIL).

I work 12 hour days, as does DH then he does his admin and paperwork when he gets home.

He works 9-5 from home, she is furloughed, NOTHING gets done, we've had numerous talks, they don't even empty a clean dishwasher, they leave their shit stacked up on my kitchen sides, their laundry by the washing machine, play Xbox in their room, never ever have picked up the hoover since they've lived here.

We agreed they move in for a year (3 years ago!) they saved to go travelling and went travelling for a year, the first year they were great, then came back to save again to go back travelling and covid hit. No travelling. So they've been in the house 24/7. They are moving out next month (thank the lord).

I got home tonight, DH away, they'd left to go visit his parents for a week 4 hours away, my house was a tip! I've been a mess all week with pain, bleeding, new medication etc. They left their pans with burnt super noodles in the bottom on the kitchen side, plates stacked up (I emptied the dishwasher last night ), no water in the dog bowl, shit stains in my toilet, piled the recycling so high it's ripped over.

I lost my shit, called my husband, told him I was booking a cleaner for tomorrow as I'm in too much pain to lug the hoover about and clean and I sent a message to our group chat telling them they will be picking up the £70 bill. This is fair to me seeing as neither myself or DH leave dirty plates on side/don't clean our shit stains off toilet/don't leave our room an absolute dive/spilled orange pasta sauce from lunch on the cream sofa cushions.

They've read and not responded. They pay us £200 each a month rent. Food, sky, laundry products included and I feel like they've just taken the piss out of us since covid hit.

I've had an arsey text from MIL "I think booking a cleaner is unreasonable and to then charge them for it, it's very petty" sorry? I work my arse off, as does DH and I clean every weekend and do our laundry, this weekend I cannot as I am in awful pain.

Please tell me AIBU? I'm so sick of this all, the sooner they go the better!!!!!

Take before and after photos.

Text MIL back: Unreasonable? Is it ‘reasonable’ to go away for 4 weeks and leave a toilet looking like this? [attach photo] To leave these dishes next to the sink for 4 weeks? [attach photo] Is it reasonable to do this and expect someone else to clean up after you?

Sometimes, you need to lose your shit for people to pay attention. If you do it in the right way, you will become the one whose boundaries they respect (or who they tiptoe around).

Sorry - misread a week 4 hours away as 4 weeks. But my point remains. Leaving that mess for a week (or less) is still unreasonable.

Why does your MIL believe she has the right to comment on your domestic arrangements. Millions of people employ cleaners without their MIL's involvement.

I'm afraid you've become an Olympic level doormat. It would have been sensible to increase their rent by £70 and employ a twice weekly cleaner a long time ago.

Please get all the rest and medication you need. I hope you get suitable treatment (surgery?) soon.

Your DH needs to tell his mother to keep her nose out.
You are being perfectly reasonable. Don’t change anything.

@AlCalavicci

I dont blame you for booking a cleaner at all , getting them to pay for it , hmm I am not so sure they already pay £400 a month rent to you which seems quite high to me but my rent is very low so I may have the wrong perspective . Hindsight is a wonderful thing , but you should of told them right at the start of them staying with you / starting to leave a mess that you were not happy and you would raise the rent in order to pay for a cleaner if they didn't sort themselves out.

Did you not spot that includes all their food/laundry and contribution to bills? Hardly a lot left to pay for the actual roof over their heads.

For £400 a month including food and all my bills I’d live with you. Good for you. I’d text the MIL, “I am absolutely sick of them disrespecting me and my home. They’re lazy, messy, and can’t get it into their thick skulls that I’m not their maid. You are very welcome to have them back because I have just about had enough of their shit. I can’t take it any more”.

I understand why you took the steps that you did, but I would have sucked it up for a few more weeks as they are moving out soon.
The time to take action was right at the beginning.

You've tolerated them for 3 years? Wow

@Tlollj

God I couldn’t put up with this for three days let along three years. Take photos and put them in the chat too.

I'd do this. Not sure why MIL is getting involved.

I can't believe you've let this go on for THREE YEARS!!!!!!

They have to go. Why would you put up with this?

Sorry, I see they are going next month.
Just get a large calendar and cross of the days in marker pen.

I agree with you for doing this, I agree that you should take photos and send them to your MIL to SHOW her how foul her daughter and BF are, and I agree that they need to be shown the fucking door ASAP.

I also agree with all the posters wondering how in fuck you've put up with this for this long?!?

I've had lodgers before, and wouldn't have accepted ANY of this nonsense from them. And didn't! A friend of mine also had lodgers - she had one persistent offender in terms of not doing the dishes, so she would take the dirty dishes up and put them in the lodger's bed. Only took a couple of times before said lodger got the hint!

That is what I would have done too - plates/saucepans/laundry and anything else that was obviously theirs, straight onto their bed.

Your MIL should be suitably ashamed of her DD's absolutely slovenly behaviour.

Oops, pressed post too soon - meant to add that your SIL and her BF should EQUALLY be very ashamed of their slovenly behaviour!

'Petty'! What a cheek. Take photos and send them to her with a caption 'not so much petty as necessary'. They are absolutely taking advantage of you, and would be even if you weren't unwell. The amount of money is nothing to do with it. Imagine being a grown adult, staying with someone at their inconvenience, trashing their house and then crying to your mother when pulled up on it. Absolutely outrageous.

I'd respond to MIL: 'You're very welcome to have them back and NOT call the cleaner. Given this is my house and I'm not paid to clean after them - the bill will be, as I said, £70. They're welcome to make their own arrangements provided house can be brought to state I left it in by tomorrow afternoon.'

I most certainly would NOT grit my teeth and wait for them to leave. And would do the same even without the huge hurdle of endo (so sorry you're going through that!). They are paying rent and bills, not a cleaning service and in a flatshare they'd have to pull their weight or they'd be kicked out on the curb.

@AlCalavicci we pay £1500 a month rent, £400 where I live would get you a room in a shared house.

Which is what they are renting but when you share you have to clean up after yourselves and normally split the bills.

The last time I shared a house (many years ago) we actually negotiated with the landlord to pay more rent so they could arrange a a cleaner of the communal areas.

If MIL thinks you are being petty then they can stay with her.

Lampzade

The OP can't suck it up, she's not well. Also I don't know if you have ever lived in a really dirty place, I have. Dishes would be left until they grew mold (I was a child so not that much I could do).

Make sure it’s absolutely clear when they leave next month it’s for good.

I don't know how you have put up with it for so long - I would have gone apeshit a long time ago.

YARBU

Text back ‘BIL and SIL are grown adults and not children. They have consistently refused to pull their weight despite multiple discussions and low rent. It’s unreasonable that having worked 12 hour days i return home exhausted to a mess. Why should I spend my weekends cleaning other peoples mess? Why can’t sister clean up after herself while furlowed at home?

Who the fuck are you people who think £400 includes the op as a domestic utility?

I agree with sending photos of the state to mil.

I think his mum just volunteered to have them move back in with her!
Seriously, three years of this shit! How long are you going to play mother to this ridiculous couple?

Thank goodness they’re moving out next month, honestly I’m fuming for you, they’ve so taken advantage!!
I don’t agree with getting into a text back and forth with mil as has been suggested a lot, I’d reply ‘it’s absolutely none of your business, thanks’ and leave it at that. She knows what they’re like, shes booted them out previously, she’s just trying to gain some high ground here.

Not unreasonable at all!

Take photos of all the mess (including the shitty toilet!) and send them to MIL. Ask her if she'd like to come and clean it as an alternative.