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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Treated like a maid in this house, so I've booked a cleaner!

242 replies

butterflies218 · 10/07/2021 01:30

I have endometriosis, which is currently crippling me (been bleeding non stop for 19 days now)

So DH has gone camping for the weekend with friends (he's not the issue, he works 7 day weeks running his own business) on the occasion he takes a day off (rare) he will absolutely do his own laundry, my laundry, gardening etc when I haven't managed to do it because of pain.

The problem is his sister who lives with us! They moved in 3 years ago, his Mum basically kicked her and her boyfriend out as she wanted extra space (don't get me started on MIL).

I work 12 hour days, as does DH then he does his admin and paperwork when he gets home.

He works 9-5 from home, she is furloughed, NOTHING gets done, we've had numerous talks, they don't even empty a clean dishwasher, they leave their shit stacked up on my kitchen sides, their laundry by the washing machine, play Xbox in their room, never ever have picked up the hoover since they've lived here.

We agreed they move in for a year (3 years ago!) they saved to go travelling and went travelling for a year, the first year they were great, then came back to save again to go back travelling and covid hit. No travelling. So they've been in the house 24/7. They are moving out next month (thank the lord).

I got home tonight, DH away, they'd left to go visit his parents for a week 4 hours away, my house was a tip! I've been a mess all week with pain, bleeding, new medication etc. They left their pans with burnt super noodles in the bottom on the kitchen side, plates stacked up (I emptied the dishwasher last night Hmm), no water in the dog bowl, shit stains in my toilet, piled the recycling so high it's ripped over.

I lost my shit, called my husband, told him I was booking a cleaner for tomorrow as I'm in too much pain to lug the hoover about and clean and I sent a message to our group chat telling them they will be picking up the £70 bill. This is fair to me seeing as neither myself or DH leave dirty plates on side/don't clean our shit stains off toilet/don't leave our room an absolute dive/spilled orange pasta sauce from lunch on the cream sofa cushions.

They've read and not responded. They pay us £200 each a month rent. Food, sky, laundry products included and I feel like they've just taken the piss out of us since covid hit.

I've had an arsey text from MIL "I think booking a cleaner is unreasonable and to then charge them for it, it's very petty" sorry? I work my arse off, as does DH and I clean every weekend and do our laundry, this weekend I cannot as I am in awful pain.

Please tell me AIBU? I'm so sick of this all, the sooner they go the better!!!!!

OP posts:
ifonly4 · 10/07/2021 07:42

Time for them to go - a month's notice. If they're not going, then extra for a weekly cleaner, not forgetting to book her/him for extras like shitty toilets, washing up.

Yes, not going to be a pleasant job for the cleaner. Have you got someone booked?

scubadive · 10/07/2021 07:43

Pointless causing friction just as they are moving out as you will be seen as the bad guy but utter madness to have let the, live there for even 2 months with that behaviour let alone 3 years, just why???

ifonly4 · 10/07/2021 07:44

Oh, if laundry includes theirs, I certainly wouldn't be doing that.

BarbaraofSeville · 10/07/2021 07:46

Why do you even have to ask? Why have you put up with this so long? I'd have been throwing their belongings in the garden and changing the locks months ago. They should have been helping you, not leaving such a trail of destruction.

I'll be astonished if you get the £70 from them, but £400 for a room, all bills and food in a high cost area is a pittance.

ablutiions · 10/07/2021 07:46

It's absolutely nothing to do with MIL. Tell her to wind her neck back in. Tell her 'it's none of your business and I won't be engaging in discussion with you about it'. Don't engage or respond with her on the subject again. Ignore!

I'd take their dirty laundry and any other mess and put it in their room. Shut the door.

Tell them that they will be moving on on x day, non negotiable. 3 years is too long, they are taking the piss.

Claim your life back. You owe them nothing.

DeathStare · 10/07/2021 07:46

YANB at all U. From now on I'd book, a cleaner every time they leave a mess and bill them for it. They aren't going to change their habits until it impacts them.

But I'd just ignore MIL. Her opinion is irrelevant and if you start sending photos or trying to justify it to her then you are treating her as though her opinion is relevant. You don't need to justify yourself to her. Also she's unlikely to just accept your response so it's also likely to make the debate about it run and run - when really there is nothing debatable about it.

Illogicalmadness · 10/07/2021 07:50

I'd take photos of the the mess and send it to mil including the burnt pans, shitty toilet & their bedroom. Also, say thank you for offering to pay for the cleaner to clear after YOUR daughter's mess.

Neolara · 10/07/2021 07:51

Agree with others that MIL's opinion is irrelevant and if you open up any discussion with her about it, you will just be dragged into an argument.

I think you have the patience of a saint and hiring a cleaner is completely reasonable under the circumstances. You have been exceptionally generous and Sil is taking you entirely for granted.

Illogicalmadness · 10/07/2021 07:52

Never have them live with you again.

DartmoorDoughnut · 10/07/2021 07:53

YANBU in the slightest and good on you!

ineedaholidaynow · 10/07/2021 08:00

I assume this was the reason why MIL asked them to move out, not for more space

Stillherenotgoneanywhere · 10/07/2021 08:06

Thank god you’re nearly there op! And you most certainly are not unreasonable.
Just keep thinking the end is in sight - I’m with the other poster who said to keep your cool as there’s no need to fall out with them at this stage but never, ever, ever agree to them staying again.

lottiegarbanzo · 10/07/2021 08:06

They won't pay and you can't make them.

Take a lot of photos. Share with them and the 'involved' members of the family.

I thought cleaners cleaned rather than tidying though? Hope yours does the job you want. And that you feel well soon.

Cloverleaf20 · 10/07/2021 08:09

YANBU time for them to go, no respect for you or your home !

notanothertakeaway · 10/07/2021 08:11

"The problem is his sister"

Why blame the sister? It's not just down to her to tidy up after herself and partner

I probably wouldn't even bother replying to MIL. it's none of her business

lottiegarbanzo · 10/07/2021 08:14

Actually I agree that involving MIL is a bad idea. (She is involving herself though).

I would be tempted to pile all the dirty stuff in their bedroom. I wouldn't though, because the pans would just rot and because you want to be able to live comfortably and happily in your own home, so creating student-house levels of grot and tension is not a good plan.

I'm just flabbergasted at them leaving their dirty clothes by the washing machine. That really is a demand for service.

GoWalkabout · 10/07/2021 08:18

Definitely send pictures and state that you have repeatedly told them its unacceptable and that you won't spend the weekend in their mess because that is not on. You are firmly in the right. But then let go of your anger - they are gone soon - and just think about you and relaxing, you deserve it. Do not spend the weekend seething, you've dealt with the issue, you're in the right, block them all and please yourself x

illdoitlater · 10/07/2021 08:19

£400 a month including everything would be cheap for 1 person! They should be paying way more and cleaning up after themselves.

Antiquestuff · 10/07/2021 08:23

Your MIL is only getting involved because she doesn’t want them back!

EnjoyingTheSilence · 10/07/2021 08:23

Well if your mil thinks it petty she can clean up after them for the rest of the month. Tell them to stay there.

No way I’d have put up with that for 3 years. Cf.

Yanbu at all

ivykaty44 · 10/07/2021 08:25

I texted MIL back and explain

Seeing as you want to involve yourself in our household matters. Im sick to death of cleaning up after your mess, if you'd taught them to clean up after themselves then non of this would be happening, as they'd clean - so if you don't like the £70 charge - you pay it

Lunaduckdrop · 10/07/2021 08:29

Even if you were in the peak of health it would not be unreasonable to book a cleaner and charge them. These two are taking the piss. You need to up their rent and lay down some house rules. They sound like utter slobs. Stick to your guns. This is not MIL's business at all. She isn't housing them! Good luck!

Standrewsschool · 10/07/2021 08:29

Good for you!

Stop being the maid. No longer cook, clean, do laundery etc for them. (But don’t reduce their rent). Maybe even time to serve them notice!

Redwinestillfine · 10/07/2021 08:29

Send your mil photos of the burnt pan, absolute tip and shit stained toilet and tell her that despite asking them regularly they've never lifted a finger. Suggest they stay with her until they find somewhere else if they don't want to pay up.

Peachee · 10/07/2021 08:31

Absolutely not being unreasonable..
I would be having serious thoughts about kicking them out off the back of this and the MIL’s attitude..
I also would be wondering if they are actually moving out next month or stringing you along as their track record with regards to timescales wouldn’t be anything to go by..