Treated like a maid in this house, so I've booked a cleaner!

[butterflies218]

I have endometriosis, which is currently crippling me (been bleeding non stop for 19 days now)

So DH has gone camping for the weekend with friends (he's not the issue, he works 7 day weeks running his own business) on the occasion he takes a day off (rare) he will absolutely do his own laundry, my laundry, gardening etc when I haven't managed to do it because of pain.

The problem is his sister who lives with us! They moved in 3 years ago, his Mum basically kicked her and her boyfriend out as she wanted extra space (don't get me started on MIL).

I work 12 hour days, as does DH then he does his admin and paperwork when he gets home.

He works 9-5 from home, she is furloughed, NOTHING gets done, we've had numerous talks, they don't even empty a clean dishwasher, they leave their shit stacked up on my kitchen sides, their laundry by the washing machine, play Xbox in their room, never ever have picked up the hoover since they've lived here.

We agreed they move in for a year (3 years ago!) they saved to go travelling and went travelling for a year, the first year they were great, then came back to save again to go back travelling and covid hit. No travelling. So they've been in the house 24/7. They are moving out next month (thank the lord).

I got home tonight, DH away, they'd left to go visit his parents for a week 4 hours away, my house was a tip! I've been a mess all week with pain, bleeding, new medication etc. They left their pans with burnt super noodles in the bottom on the kitchen side, plates stacked up (I emptied the dishwasher last night ), no water in the dog bowl, shit stains in my toilet, piled the recycling so high it's ripped over.

I lost my shit, called my husband, told him I was booking a cleaner for tomorrow as I'm in too much pain to lug the hoover about and clean and I sent a message to our group chat telling them they will be picking up the £70 bill. This is fair to me seeing as neither myself or DH leave dirty plates on side/don't clean our shit stains off toilet/don't leave our room an absolute dive/spilled orange pasta sauce from lunch on the cream sofa cushions.

They've read and not responded. They pay us £200 each a month rent. Food, sky, laundry products included and I feel like they've just taken the piss out of us since covid hit.

I've had an arsey text from MIL "I think booking a cleaner is unreasonable and to then charge them for it, it's very petty" sorry? I work my arse off, as does DH and I clean every weekend and do our laundry, this weekend I cannot as I am in awful pain.

Please tell me AIBU? I'm so sick of this all, the sooner they go the better!!!!!

YANBU at all but is it worth falling out with them just as they are about to leave? I would take photos, show them the mess you came home to and ask them to clear it up.

Explain that you are too ill to do it and if they can’t do it themselves then the cleaner will be arriving on Monday and the bill will go to them.

I wouldn't mind if it caused friction, in fact so much the better, as what would be the point of having people in your life that treat you like this? Family or not.

@JedEye, she can't do that, they've gone away for a week.

@AlCalavicci

I dont blame you for booking a cleaner at all , getting them to pay for it , hmm I am not so sure they already pay £400 a month rent to you which seems quite high to me but my rent is very low so I may have the wrong perspective . Hindsight is a wonderful thing , but you should of told them right at the start of them staying with you / starting to leave a mess that you were not happy and you would raise the rent in order to pay for a cleaner if they didn't sort themselves out.

They pay rent to cover bills, food and living. That doesn't give them the right to leave the place a state. I also be they left MIL place a state and that's why she kicked them out 3 years ago too. Their mess, they failed to clean it, they pay to have it cleaned

Tell your MIL that if you're that unreasonable they can go back to her house with immediate effect.

Invest another £70 in getting in a handyman to change the barrels in your locks, and don’t let them back in.

Omg that's awful! I agree with the taking photos and posting them onto the family chat if only to embarrass the dirty fuckers!

No one should put up with that it's disgusting! They have proved they have no respect for you or your house

Tell MIL she's welcome to come clean their mess if she doesn't want them to pay for the cleaning and, even better, she can have them.

Lazy bastards. You are not BU!

"Dear MIL, I am a little confused - if hiring cleaner is unreasonable, who do you think should then be scrubbing the shit stains left by SIL and BIL, washing pans used by them and clean up the sauce spilled on the sofa by them? Please elaborate and explain."

@Nononsense2

Tell MIL she's welcome to come clean their mess if she doesn't want them to pay for the cleaning and, even better, she can have them.

Even better!

Do this!

I dont blame you for booking a cleaner at all , getting them to pay for it , hmm I am not so sure they already pay £400 a month rent to you which seems quite high to me but my rent is very low so I may have the wrong perspective
400 is the low end for one person in a shared house, and that's not including food and cleaning.

hmm I am not so sure they already pay £400 a month rent to you which seems quite high to me

Do tell me where I can get lodging, full board, all bills and cleaning services for £50 per week. These are grown adults not 18 yr olds in their first paid job. Perhaps teh OP should be putting aside the rent as a saving scheme for them?

OP: You are renting a property for 1500, why are they paying such a small part of the rent? Why are they not paying half the rent?

Well done OP!! Agree with sending pictures to MIL. If she wants to involve herself then so be it- she gets to see the shit tip they left you. Tell the cleaners to pile all their crap onto their bed. Lock the front door- they don’t get in for their stuff until the £70 is paid.

What @Nononsense2 said.

yanbu and well done, your house your rules.

I think you do have a problematic family dynamic, where DH's side of the family seems to think that 'somebody's needs to be looking after BIL and SIL.

I like to think I'd have changed the locks long ago but I think family enmeshment issues can be very hard to challenge.
I hope you feel better soon.

I would seriously recommend that they stay with MIL until they move next month though. You need to be looking after your own health and the work and the stress aren't good for you!

I agree with everyone else here.

Send those dirty, lazy cheeky, fuckers back to the MIL today. If she doesn’t see it as a problem then she is welcome to them.

I don’t know who I’m more disgusted with, the people who treat your house like a junk yard or the interfering witch who thinks she has a right to say whether or not you have a cleaner.

If you are renting, they should just be paying half the rent, plus bills. There are two of them and two of you so surely it should just be a straight split.

It might be different if you were paying a mortgage as there would be interest etc.

Well if your MIL thinks you're being petty then why doesn't she have them move back in with her?

I'd kick them out.

I am so sorry you have to face into this when you are ill OP. It is outrageous. You have been more than generous letting them live with you this long and btw, 400 wouldn't rent a cubicle where I'm from.

The utter cheek of them to not respond and for your MIL to get involved. I would be furious.

"Who should clean up after them in that case or pay for the cleaner? You I assume? What time can you get here as I need the house clean asap. It is disgusting. I have attached pics."

I've been the sibling with a home who put-up siblings. Luckily they were clean. Unfortunately, they had relationship issues.

I've been the wife, putting-up in-laws.

Even when perfect; it's an imposition.

Have a chat with your husband and let him know that after they have left next month, they are not welcome back. In your particular case, it's not mutually beneficial co-sharing: it's piss-takers/takers living off the givers.

They would have been gone after the first week/month max of that sort of behaviour at my house so no sympathy from me because you and your husband have allowed them to stay and continue to abuse your generosity.

Reply to MiL “you’re right; this can’t go on it’s entirely unreasonable so we will give them a week to pack up and go”. HTH

They pay us £200 each a month rent. Food, sky, laundry products included and I feel like they've just taken the piss out of us since covid hit.

Can I come and live with you @butterflies218 ? You and your DH sound lovely and I wouldn’t take the mick

But seriously,

You so totally reasonable that I’m sad you even need to ask. You and your DH did a lovely thing for his sister, and they have thoroughly abused your good will and hospitality..

Thing is, in life I have found that good people who are generous and hospitable can sometimes be taken for granted. And worse - as your MiL has done - have their generosity turned back on them, and blamed.

I think you should simply remove any mess your SiL makes and put it on her bed. Keep doing this until she and her incredibly selfish boyfriend learn how to be adults.

Stop their access to the fridge, even if it means putting some sort of lock on it. Clear a cupboard, put a set of 2 plates, bowls etc in it. Tell them that is theirs, and that they can store their food there, that they will have to buy, because you’ve had to spend the paltry amount in board they pay on a cleaner because of the mess they have left.

Enjoy a weekend free of such selfish people.