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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paedophile or lonely man?

204 replies

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 09/07/2021 17:22

Joined specifically just to ask this question as I’m having a bit of an uncomfortable situation and trying to verbalise it/see if I’m being stupid/unreasonable. Every week I was taking my toddler to the same supermarket and always had the same checkout. The checkout man was always very chatty with my toddler and had a niece of a similar age but no children of his own. As such he was advising on where to buy costumes (and suggesting I take photos of my child in costumes and show him). In the end I had a bit of a creepy feeling so avoided him when I went there/anyway shopped online a bit more.

Went back this week (having not been for months) without my child and he was very disappointed by this/said he missed my child and I needed to bring them in again. Also asked after the costume and again asked for photos.

I can’t tell if this is a lonely person without children (30-40 years old) and maybe a few problems and therefore I’m a bit of a bitch because it was harmless, or if this was a paedophile and he was being creepy and I should let the store know. It was just a bit creepy really.

Thank you everyone

OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 09/07/2021 17:24

I think I'd be creeped out too.

Would follow my gut.

And tbh, surely you wouldn't ask, nor anyone send, pics to someone you see briefly in a shop. That alone is weird.

LuxOlente · 09/07/2021 17:26

Chatting, fine. Asking for photos, creepy creepy creepy.

He needs to be reminded (by, like, a manager) that asking parents for children of their toddlers is considered "really not OK" by many people.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 09/07/2021 17:27

I think the photo comment(s) are the ones which tipped everything over the edge for me. DH says (but he hasn’t met the man) that he would assume as it’s such an odd and clearly unacceptable request that the man just doesn’t have the social skills and I should think generously. But then I know the phrase “hiding in plain sight” and I’m not so sure. I genuinely don’t know If I’m being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 09/07/2021 17:27

Urgh. I recently found out a friend of mine is a paedophile. In hindsight he was really creepy. I’d trust your instincts.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 09/07/2021 17:28

@LuxOlente

That’s a fair point. I don’t want to get him in trouble in case it’s innocent but yes, might be worth politely mentioning to manager.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 09/07/2021 17:29

@Queenoftheashes sorry to hear that!!!! 😔😞

OP posts:
PinkPlantCase · 09/07/2021 17:29

If someone gives you an icky feeling don’t ignore it.

If he isn’t a paedophile then he at the very least has an issue with boundaries and what is an appropriate conversation between cashier and customer

Schrutesbeets · 09/07/2021 17:29

Even if it's not sinister, he should know better than asking for pictures of children!!! I'd report to his manager and change supermarkets.

Distiller91 · 09/07/2021 17:29

Innocent or not the photo thing crosses a line for sure.

newnortherner111 · 09/07/2021 17:29

I think you should raise concerns with his manager. I can imagine the aggression he could get from some other people. The time he leaves work could be shortly after closing time, at night, and someone could be waiting to cause him harm.

MissMissTorrance · 09/07/2021 17:32

Urgh.
All the customers he must see everyday and despite not seeing you for a while he remembered not only your toddler (who wasn't even with you) but your conversation about costumes.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 09/07/2021 17:32

Ok thank you everyone - will call supermarket to speak to manager! Need to think of how to word it

OP posts:
Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 09/07/2021 17:33

@MissMissTorrance

He remembered my child’s name as well. I did also find that creepy

OP posts:
MissMissTorrance · 09/07/2021 17:34

I'd speak to a manager.
Good point that if he does have some kind of MH issue and is trying to be friendly he is crossing the line and he may upset the wrong kind of person who does him harm.

LubaLuca · 09/07/2021 17:34

He might be neither a paedo nor lonely, just a bit weird and hasn't got to grips with normal social boundaries.

Having said that, any adult worldly enough to be in paid employment knows you don't go asking to look at photos of strangers' children. Have a word with his manager if you think you can.

Nsky · 09/07/2021 17:34

Please just say he seems friendly, you are concerned by costumes

Geamhradh · 09/07/2021 17:34

Costumes as in swimming, or Cinderella?

Whichever, no, he shouldn't be asking to see photos of your child in the costume. It might be that having chatted to you on various occasions and told you where to buy specific costumes from, he felt it was OK to ask to see the pictures. How did the conversation about clothes start? It seems pretty random. Is he asking to see photos or to have photos?

It might be he's a child abuser who wants the photo for nefarious purposes. It's a tough one.

IdblowJonSnow · 09/07/2021 17:38

Um this is beyond creepy and of course you should report this OP!
Why are you worried about being polite?! He knows your kid's name!
I would make sure any social media accounts you have are set so that only friends can see your posts.

DoctorStrangeness · 09/07/2021 17:38

On one hand, it could be totally innocent and he intends to show the pictures to his niece and doesn't understand boundaries.

Or, yup, he's creepy.

Either way, it does need reporting as you feel uncomfortable and it could be dangerous.

To be honest, even if it was a woman asking then I'd think the same - as in, needs mentioning to management as unprofessional.

NotLinear · 09/07/2021 17:39

Sounds strange and definitely report concerns but he may just have issues with interacting socially. You have a right to shop without feeling uncomfortable though

claralara42 · 09/07/2021 17:40

Peodophiles generally try and hide it, rather than announce it so obviously. Sounds more like possible cognitive issues and poor boundaries.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 09/07/2021 17:40

Yes I want to bring it up in a kind way.

Costumes were more Cinderella than swimming. And it was to see photos and not have.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 09/07/2021 17:44

Persistently asking for photos of a customer's child is not normal behaviour, or acceptable. I would raise this with the store manager.

Katefoster · 09/07/2021 17:44

That does sound super creepy

Geamhradh · 09/07/2021 17:49

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Yes I want to bring it up in a kind way.

Costumes were more Cinderella than swimming. And it was to see photos and not have.

I agree really then with pp who say it's more likely to be someone unaware of boundaries and who would be horrified to think others thought he was dodgy.

BUT, obviously, we can't know that. So I think you're going to have to speak to a supervisor.