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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paedophile or lonely man?

204 replies

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 09/07/2021 17:22

Joined specifically just to ask this question as I’m having a bit of an uncomfortable situation and trying to verbalise it/see if I’m being stupid/unreasonable. Every week I was taking my toddler to the same supermarket and always had the same checkout. The checkout man was always very chatty with my toddler and had a niece of a similar age but no children of his own. As such he was advising on where to buy costumes (and suggesting I take photos of my child in costumes and show him). In the end I had a bit of a creepy feeling so avoided him when I went there/anyway shopped online a bit more.

Went back this week (having not been for months) without my child and he was very disappointed by this/said he missed my child and I needed to bring them in again. Also asked after the costume and again asked for photos.

I can’t tell if this is a lonely person without children (30-40 years old) and maybe a few problems and therefore I’m a bit of a bitch because it was harmless, or if this was a paedophile and he was being creepy and I should let the store know. It was just a bit creepy really.

Thank you everyone

OP posts:
MouldyPotato · 10/07/2021 10:37

Thanks for sharing the details of your call. I feel confident I can do the same now should I need to.

baldafrique · 10/07/2021 10:38

Really bizarre the store manager telling you anything about the employee inc his personal medical business. Wtf.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 10/07/2021 10:52

One of the teachers at my prep school turned out to be a paedophile. Actually he lives in the village and I see him on a daily basis. He was a pretty unassuming middle aged man so I do believe of course that it can be anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 10/07/2021 10:53

Also yes I was surprised that she told me - I asked her a direct question and she gave me a direct answer

OP posts:
RoseRedRoseBlue · 10/07/2021 11:18

@baldafrique

Really bizarre the store manager telling you anything about the employee inc his personal medical business. Wtf.
Yes, this whole thing is getting more bizarre by the minute, especially the offer of a ‘gift’.
baldafrique · 10/07/2021 11:29
Grin
Geamhradh · 10/07/2021 11:35

I think the duty manager giving out the employee's personal medical information to a customer just highlights what poor management training they've had. I mean, that person could find themselves in far hotter water than the bloke telling you where to get a Batman costume from!

baldafrique · 10/07/2021 11:36

Yeah that manager is fucked if the employee was to find out she shared his medical business

Straighttalking1 · 10/07/2021 11:45

It's not normal behaviour, he's crossed the line, no keep well away.

DeathByWalkies · 10/07/2021 12:08

I work in a customer facing environment. I'm always nice (sometimes chatty!) to customer's children and try to make them enjoy the visit to my business. Some of them I know by name / will ask them how they are today and that sort of thing. I might even give them a free sample of a new product and ask them what they think.

Asking for photos at all (let alone in specific costumes) is beyond weird. Either he's a genuine creep of the criminal variety or he needs some serious retraining on social skills. If he carries on he needs to be moved to an environment where he's not customer facing (e.g. stockroom)

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 10/07/2021 12:18

Yes, this whole thing is getting more bizarre by the minute, especially the offer of a ‘gift’

I’m actually quite flattered that people think this incredibly mundane story is so apparently bizarre as to be fictitious! Her exact wording was “when will you next be in store as I’ll leave a little something for you at the customer service desk”. Not unusual at all I think - i had had a bad experience and they wanted to keep me as a customer. i thanked her but explained i was not returning to the store.

she had asked for my name and in hindsight i wish i had made clear i hoped she wouldn't give it to him.

OP posts:
DeathByWalkies · 10/07/2021 12:20

she had asked for my name and in hindsight i wish i had made clear i hoped she wouldn't give it to him.

She may just be asking for your name so that she has something for the customer compaint record form, or so that if someone rings up with a similar line she's not asking "are you the person that rang before?"

If she gave your name to the member of staff that would be the basis of complaint number 2....

grapewine · 10/07/2021 12:57

@baldafrique

Yeah that manager is fucked if the employee was to find out she shared his medical business
Yeah. That's not great.
Rubyrecka · 10/07/2021 13:58

Asking for pictures of a child he does not know from Adam from a person who shops in a supermarket he works at is odd. And i don't think comes under the customer service umbrella.

I wouldn't take my child back there and I would alert his manager. If it's innocent then fine if not then it's been reported which is the right thing. He could have a criminal history for all u know

2bazookas · 10/07/2021 15:05

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

You should also ask the local police using Sarah's Law

I don’t know his name

Doesn't matter; you knopw wherte he works, can describe him, and the police can get his name/address from his employer.
movingadviceneeded · 10/07/2021 18:36

The manager did not disclose any medical
Issues (apart from the bad leg). She said to her knowledge he didn't have any mental health issues.

It's very normal to offer a gift if a customer is dissatisfied with any aspect of their experiences.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 10/07/2021 18:38

It's very normal to offer a gift if a customer is dissatisfied with any aspect of their experiences

Thank you! Some of the comments on here have me thinking I’m in the twilight zone 🤪

Thanks everyone for the sensible advice

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/07/2021 18:39

Could be creepy. Could have some sort of special needs?

Always worth mentioning your concerns though.

KillSwitch · 10/07/2021 18:53

Even if he is a convicted paedophile, using Sarah's Law isn't going to help - the police would only disclose that information if the person in question had access to your child and you need to know in order to keep your child safe. Seeing as you're clearly never going to give this man access to your child and therefore your child is safe from him, they don't need to tell you. That being said, if you're genuinely concerned the man may be a danger to children, you can still report to police and they can do the relevant work behind the scenes without giving you any information.

Geamhradh · 10/07/2021 23:27

@movingadviceneeded

The manager did not disclose any medical Issues (apart from the bad leg). She said to her knowledge he didn't have any mental health issues.

It's very normal to offer a gift if a customer is dissatisfied with any aspect of their experiences.

She gave out two pieces of absolutely confidential and private information that the OP didn't need to know. Even informing a member of the public that there are no MH issues is giving out confidential information. She needs retraining.
movingadviceneeded · 11/07/2021 08:33

I must have missed "is my colleague a paedophile" training during my management training.

Floogal · 11/07/2021 14:46

@movingadviceneeded

I must have missed "is my colleague a paedophile" training during my management training.
Actually work in retail myself. Last week we had to do about data protection. Few parts of the module were about not stalking customers
Geamhradh · 11/07/2021 14:54

@movingadviceneeded

I must have missed "is my colleague a paedophile" training during my management training.
You should contact your union if appropriate Safeguarding and Privacy protocols for the people you manage haven't been given.
LittleGwyneth · 11/07/2021 15:03

I was all ready to tell you that you were being paranoid from the title but this sound very, very strange to me.

Floogal · 19/07/2021 22:18

Also occured to me, bit creepy (sad at best) trying to bond with you by constantly refering to neice or nephew.

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