Paedophile or lonely man?

[Justheretoaskaquestion91]

Joined specifically just to ask this question as I’m having a bit of an uncomfortable situation and trying to verbalise it/see if I’m being stupid/unreasonable. Every week I was taking my toddler to the same supermarket and always had the same checkout. The checkout man was always very chatty with my toddler and had a niece of a similar age but no children of his own. As such he was advising on where to buy costumes (and suggesting I take photos of my child in costumes and show him). In the end I had a bit of a creepy feeling so avoided him when I went there/anyway shopped online a bit more.

Went back this week (having not been for months) without my child and he was very disappointed by this/said he missed my child and I needed to bring them in again. Also asked after the costume and again asked for photos.

I can’t tell if this is a lonely person without children (30-40 years old) and maybe a few problems and therefore I’m a bit of a bitch because it was harmless, or if this was a paedophile and he was being creepy and I should let the store know. It was just a bit creepy really.

Thank you everyone

It’s not reporting for being friendly. It’s letting management know he made some bizarre comments regarding seeing photos of my child so they can let him know that’s not appropriate. As people have said - they are bound to know his history. He’s not an “old boy”, he’s 30-40

@claralara42

Peodophiles generally try and hide it, rather than announce it so obviously. Sounds more like possible cognitive issues and poor boundaries.

Pedophiles also groom parents, should we ignore requests that feel a bit dodgy on the grounds they were too obvious?

Disclaimer. I felt slightly uneasy about a friendly neighbour, everyone urged me to take him up on his offer to coach my boys, but he felt too friendly. Found out he was a pedo from the local paper 🤢 I had trusted my instincts fortunately

@TrainedByCats

Wow!

Personally I would avoid but agree it is probably just boundaries.
I think I would not contact anyone. He asked to see photos not have them. It may just have been chit chat.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

It’s not reporting for being friendly. It’s letting management know he made some bizarre comments regarding seeing photos of my child so they can let him know that’s not appropriate. As people have said - they are bound to know his history. He’s not an “old boy”, he’s 30-40

Would you think that the same if a woman had asked? I think he did nothing wrong. Maybe he is divorced and misses his kids.

@neveradullmoment99

He doesn’t have any kids! And yes, I would actually think it were a little odd if a woman without children said to me “XYZ sells this costume buy it for him snd take a photo and show me” repeatedly. But also I wouldn’t feel quite as odd because statistically most paedophiles men are so there’s more chance of a man being a paedophile than a woman.

@Wellpark

Perhaps he has Asperger's

Fucking hell.

Why are there so many ignorant and prejudiced idiots on MN?

@claralara42

Peodophiles generally try and hide it, rather than announce it so obviously. Sounds more like possible cognitive issues and poor boundaries.

Sadly, paedophiles behave in every imaginable way. Hiding in plain sight is just one of them. Plus, people with learning difficulties or who are neurologically diverse, can also be paedophiles.

This man needs it spelled out to him, in clear careful words with no wiggle room at all. As someone said upthread, its for his own safety as much as anything.

After the first uncomfortable encounter I would have queued at another till.

You did continue to ask about his niece tho? And your use of "costumes" was a bit weird in your OP

@saveforthat

As I’ve already said - it started off as friendly and wasn’t uncomfortable. When it became uncomfortable I stopped going there

There’s a book I read that gave me goosebumps and Main point was that you should trust your gut abs intuition. It was written by a security expert a d once he interviewed people who had been victims of crimes it always starts with “I had a feeling BUT… I chose to ignore “. My baby brain playing up abs I’ve tried finding name of book and I can’t! Tag line was “this book can save your life”. Once kindle charges I’ll post

@baldafrique

It was a gruffalo costume!!!! For goodness sake - what else would you say? It’s a costume, a fancy dress costume. If I was trying to imply it was a swimming costume I would, since I have a son, have called them
trunks or swimming shorts or something.

Sometimes MN is wonderful. Most of the comments on this thread have been extremely helpful. I don’t know why there are always people who want to do some sort of mental cross examination of the poster. 😆

@Changednameforthis12

Thank you - sounds very interesting

Anyone know what book I mean? The main thing I picked from it was not to worry about being “rude” and these people who push boundaries are counting on your politeness. Yes he could be bad with social situations BUT he could also be a paedo. You must let someone know.

But also I wouldn’t feel quite as odd because statistically most men are paedophiles so there’s more chance of a man being a paedophile than a woman

Most men are paedophiles? Surely you meant most paedophiles are men?

@ViciousJackdaw

Most men are paedophiles? Surely you meant most paedophiles are men?
Bookmark

Oh my god! Yes, of course that’s what I meant! Thank you for spotting that 🤦🏻‍♀️

Please read “gift of fear” by Martin de beker(spelling?). You can get free PDF online no need to buy.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

It’s not reporting for being friendly. It’s letting management know he made some bizarre comments regarding seeing photos of my child so they can let him know that’s not appropriate. As people have said - they are bound to know his history. He’s not an “old boy”, he’s 30-40

I don't think supermarkets do criminal record checks on their employees so if he has a dodgy history they probably wouldn't know.

He has made you feel so uncomfortable that you want to avoid the store, tell the manager.

Talking to you like that could be innocent, it could also be the case he is trying to groom you and your child.

@Changednameforthis12

Anyone know what book I mean? The main thing I picked from it was not to worry about being “rude” and these people who push boundaries are counting on your politeness. Yes he could be bad with social situations BUT he could also be a paedo. You must let someone know.

Is it The Gift Of Fear?

People stop twisting things please. Lack of boundaries is the first sign….read the book then give your opinion. It has countless real life stories that have one thing in common…the victims ignored their gut

@OrchestraOfWankery yes!!

@OrchestraOfWankery you read it too? What did u think?

OP I’m going to get my kids to bed now but I really hope you do not ignore your gut feeling. What’s the worst thing that will happen if you act and then think if you don’t act? Make up your mind based on this. Good night x

Oh Changednameforthis12 just saw you already posted the title!