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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unequal finances

286 replies

Itsraimy · 08/07/2021 22:52

Prompted by another post, but my partner and I (no kids and live together but not married) are discussing how we split our finances.

I earn circa 100k and DP earns circa 25k. Maybe IABU but if our household outgoings are 3k I think it’s fair enough that I put in 2k and they put in 1k.

Partner thinks that’s a bit unfair but I feel a bit aggrieved to put in a true ratio as feel I’m being penalised for earning a lot more.

If we split purely on salary, I’d put in £2.4k and they’d put in £600. AIBU suggesting we go for a 2k from me, 1k from them split?

OP posts:
Imcatmum · 08/07/2021 22:55

25k net or gross?

Original poster
Itsraimy · 08/07/2021 22:56

Both salaries are gross. So my take home is about 4.6k after pension. Theirs is 1.5k after pension.

OP posts:
Menora · 08/07/2021 22:57

That doesn’t seem fair that you keep £2.6k and they keep £500 Confused

DeadSouth · 08/07/2021 23:00

YABU. I think considering you’d still have substantially more disposable at the end of it the split should be based of salaries.

Rhinothunder · 08/07/2021 23:00

I think it's fair if you're not married and have no kids.

PizzaCrust · 08/07/2021 23:00

This isn’t fair at all, unless they’re choosing to work part time for no reason or something.

IMO you add your salaries together, deduct bills and savings then split the rest down the middle.

sabrinathemiddleagewitch · 08/07/2021 23:01

Of course you're being unfair

He earns 20% of the income, he pays 20% of the bills - £600

How you could leave your partner with £500 when you have £££ is beyond me

Viviennemary · 08/07/2021 23:02

I thought in MN world all money is familly money. Except when the lion's share is yours. Hmm

OppsUpsSide · 08/07/2021 23:03

You’re being very unfair

Menora · 08/07/2021 23:03

The other thread is a much lower gap, she earns twice as much but still only £20k. Also he could work more, and isn’t and liked luxury items.

You don’t say if it’s a mortgage or rent but one partner only having £500 to last them a whole month, no savings nothing is going to be hard for them to manage on surely

Patapouf · 08/07/2021 23:05

If you were married I'd say you should pool money, pay the bills and split the remainder between savings and and equal spends for you both.

But you aren't and I don't think it's fair to expect you to massively subsidise their cost of living when you earn 4x the amount. Presumably you work in a more demanding job? If you have DCs is that burden equally split?

Original poster
Itsraimy · 08/07/2021 23:08

No DCs but yes, my job is massively more stressful. Partners job is a 4 day a week 9-5.

OP posts:
Menora · 08/07/2021 23:08

Does partner do more in the house than you?
Is it rent or mortgage

Original poster
Itsraimy · 08/07/2021 23:09

By the way, they are a fantastic partner and if we marry and have DCs then of course everything would be 50:50. It’s just, what is the plan now?

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 08/07/2021 23:10

If you were splitting purely on salary you should split on net salary after pension.

Stompythedinosaur · 08/07/2021 23:10

You are being really unfair.

You can't like your partner that much if you want to live such a superior lifestyle.

Original poster
Itsraimy · 08/07/2021 23:11

They don’t do more in the house as we have a cleaner and I love to cook!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 08/07/2021 23:11

I would be encouraging partner to get more work and increase pension contributions tbh!!

Original poster
Itsraimy · 08/07/2021 23:12

@Stompythedinosaur I defs don’t live a ‘superior lifestyle’ to my partner. I pay for all the nice holidays and anything they want TBH, I also overpay our mortgage frequently and we own the house 50:50.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsraimy · 08/07/2021 23:13

This is just about the ‘regular’ monthly outgoings.

OP posts:
GintyMcGinty · 08/07/2021 23:13

If you are not very committed it's fair enough.

But if you are committed I think his and hers money is bizarre. You are either a family with 'our' money or you are not.

Btw I earn double my husbands salary but we combine our resources as we are partners.

Lockheart · 08/07/2021 23:14

@Viviennemary

I thought in MN world all money is familly money. Except when the lion's share is yours. Hmm
They're not married, so their money is their own money. If they were married, you might have a point as assets would usually be considered joint (i.e. 'family money') in a marriage.

I'd be inclined to agree with your partner OP - split bills etc in proportion to your take home pay.

Doyoumind · 08/07/2021 23:14

£3k seems like a lot of outgoings on rent/mortgage and bills. If you are living in an expensive house/flat then whose choice was it?

Morechocolatethanbarbara · 08/07/2021 23:15

Based on the fact you have no DC, he doesn't do any additional housework and he's not your DH, then why should he be able to do a cushy 4 day working week and have you subsidising him by working a stressful 5 day one?

If he wants more money he can up his hours / take on an additional 4 days work a month.

Doyoumind · 08/07/2021 23:17

Just seen you have a mortgage and own it 50:50. Surely this would have been sorted before entering into such an agreement?