Unequal finances

[Itsraimy]

Prompted by another post, but my partner and I (no kids and live together but not married) are discussing how we split our finances.

I earn circa 100k and DP earns circa 25k. Maybe IABU but if our household outgoings are 3k I think it’s fair enough that I put in 2k and they put in 1k.

Partner thinks that’s a bit unfair but I feel a bit aggrieved to put in a true ratio as feel I’m being penalised for earning a lot more.

If we split purely on salary, I’d put in £2.4k and they’d put in £600. AIBU suggesting we go for a 2k from me, 1k from them split?

*how. What a strange autocorrect.

They own a house 50/50 but don’t contribute their salaries 50/50 is also weird!

I think it should be split in proportion to your salary against his salary if he worked 5 days. Fair enough he wants an extra day off but he cant then effectively get you to pay for it.
But that's kind of assuming equal splits of other things. If you pay for all treats and holidays, I'd be tempted to add these in to your proportion of the annual outgoings just to see. And then agree a figure somewhere in the middle.

[quote Itsraimy]@TheFoundations I’m fine with my partner not wanting a stressful job and thinking there is more to life.

I’m fine with paying 2/3 of our household outgoings and paying for holidays and overpaying our mortgage.

I’m just not sure I’m fine with paying almost all of our monthly outgoings. Clearly I’ve split opinion.[/quote]
Yes, but you want a household where (s)he earns more than now, and so cannot continue to be as laid back as you love. Apart from the money aspect, will feeling forced to work harder and be less laid back not put your partner off the relationship? It sounds like it's already causing problems.

I get the point why should the higher earner slog their guts out to subsidise a lower earner who isn't making the same sacrifices.

@Itsraimy

The thing is, with your current set up you’re in control. YOU decide when to overpay. YOU decide the holiday budget. YOU decide the big ticket stuff.

If you pool finances the control is shared, the dynamic changes and you don’t like that.

That’s fine. But you should be honest about it. If I were your partner I’d be rethinking the whole thing.

Your partner not wanting to earn more and having a stress free job is all fine and dandy but why should you have to subsidise that lifestyle when not married and no children.

If they were single would they have to get a better paid job or work more to pay monthly bills?

It’s difficult. I feel like there’s a half way house between your point of view and theirs.

The only working 4 days does suggest to me that they shouldn’t get the full benefit of shared finances while you don’t have kids and they don’t do more around the house

MN has the principle of equal disposable income but it also has equal downtime as a principle. If your partner is having a lot more downtime, should they have a share of your money too?

As with anything, it’s hard to judge without knowing how much effort they make and everyone’s attitude to each other.

@Menora

That doesn’t seem fair that you keep £2.6k and they keep £500

He'd be keeping a lot less if he had to support a household solo.

@sabrinathemiddleagewitch

Of course you're being unfair

He earns 20% of the income, he pays 20% of the bills - £600

How you could leave your partner with £500 when you have £££ is beyond me

He's better off than if he paid 100 percent of the bills on his own somewhere.

She deserves to look out for her own financial security.

@Morechocolatethanbarbara

Based on the fact you have no DC, he doesn't do any additional housework and he's not your DH, then why should he be able to do a cushy 4 day working week and have you subsidising him by working a stressful 5 day one?

If he wants more money he can up his hours / take on an additional 4 days work a month.

All of this. He sounds a slacker.

My partner earns 2x as much as me, we have a joint account for rent and bills that we split 50/50. We're engaged and I'm pregnant so this will change once I go on maternity leave. I've never really thought about splitting everything any other way. He does mostly cover meals out, holidays and baby stuff however.

I'd also ask if the living arrangements are beyond your partner's means? Was this not discussed when you bought the house? How was a choice made about what house to buy or your budget when you didn't know how much you could both afford to contribute?

If you own the house 50:50 but you're the one overpaying, are you ok with that?

Is there a reason your partner only works 5 days per week? Why should they have a free day every week and have that subsidised by you? I'd be tempted to split by FT equivalent salary unless there's a back story.

Do you love your DP? I am struggling how you can want him to have so little spare, especially when you would have so much more per month.

Unless one stays at home with kids, imho you just pay your share unless the higher earner said "let's get the more expensive stuff". Especially with "there is more to life than working" as well. I think that but I wouldn't then throw hissy fits over bill split since it's my choice 😁
It's of course different in case of job losses etc. Like dh held the for for a bit, I did after (one paid everything and vice versa). Support each other but to a limit though.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I think it should be split in proportion to your salary against his salary if he worked 5 days. Fair enough he wants an extra day off but he cant then effectively get you to pay for it. But that's kind of assuming equal splits of other things. If you pay for all treats and holidays, I'd be tempted to add these in to your proportion of the annual outgoings just to see. And then agree a figure somewhere in the middle.

Good idea

@UnwantedOpinionBelow

Do you love your DP? I am struggling how you can want him to have so little spare, especially when you would have so much more per month.

Do you struggle with her working longer and harder than he does?

OP,
What is your plan for the future?
How do you see your future?
Children?

Because at the moment you are childless and unmarried and I think your money is your own and that you need to know whzt you want for your future before you commit to paying most things including over paying a morgage that you have 50% of.

Why would you do that?

If you have children, will you be happy to work full time and probably carry the load at home too and pay for everything?

You need to think about what you want from life.

I work a 4 day week. I work full time but long shifts. All employees at the company work 4 days a week.

So if the OP's Partner works full time over 4 days it does not mean he is slack or lazy.

Yanbu. If he wants more spending money he can work an 5 day week.

I think you are overly generous. If they want more disposable income they should earn more. There are no children.. If your partner enjoys life with fewer hours and less work stress then it is reasonable to expect less/no disposable income.

If they're choosing to work a 4 day week to have more leisure time (e.g. no medical reason behind it for instance) then I would be tempted to split everything as if they were working a 5 day week.

In other words, calculate what their salary would be if working 5 days. You pay proportionally to your 5-day income, they pay in proportion to their 5 day income. That way, your partner is effectively funding the extra day off they have per week, rather than relying on you to help fund it.

This seems fairer to me as you're not funding them to work less, and they still get their one day off a week.

I think a big part of this is the extent to which your joined lifestyle skews towards your income. That could unduly stretch him financially under your proposed model, especially if your earnings continue to grow and his don't but you want to reap the rewards of what is presumably a more challenging career.

Split the difference and he pays 800?

There's no right or wrong answer to this.

So many assumptions about the he/she in this situation!