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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why many people don't want to know their baby's gender during pregnancy

806 replies

pearlsandpetals · 08/07/2021 14:53

Hi all, this is definitely not a hateful post just a curious one that's all!
I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and going to find out the gender soon. For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival but also I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter and trying to picture what they will be like. I just wanted to know what reasons people have for not finding out the gender as I'm really interested!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 08/07/2021 14:55

I didn’t care what sex my baby was. I didn’t think I’d bond any better knowing what genitals it had.

I don’t understand why people care so much.

MartyHart · 08/07/2021 14:55

I wanted a surprise. Bought neutral clothing for newborn stage.

MargotEmin · 08/07/2021 14:56

Because it doesn't matter. A baby girl has no different needs to a baby boy, they're all the same at that age.

ForeverAintEnough3 · 08/07/2021 14:56

There are so few true surprises in life that I think this is a nice one to have on the day the baby arrives so for that reason I wouldn’t find out. I also think it’s good not to have pre-conceived motions of what the baby will be like built up before they arrive.

PennyDreadful66 · 08/07/2021 14:57

@pearlsandpetals

Hi all, this is definitely not a hateful post just a curious one that's all! I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and going to find out the gender soon. For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival but also I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter and trying to picture what they will be like. I just wanted to know what reasons people have for not finding out the gender as I'm really interested!
That's how I felt with my first baby that if I knew their gender, we'd bond more but now that he's here in not bonding with him because it's a him, if I have another baby I'm not finding out the gender, I don't care.
CrouchEndTiger12 · 08/07/2021 14:57

Sex...not gender.

There are very few true surprises in life. Finding out baby's sex at birth is one of them.

Stichintime · 08/07/2021 14:57

The surprise is one of the best bits, it's joyful.

Original poster
pearlsandpetals · 08/07/2021 14:57

Apologies - I should have written sex not gender.

OP posts:
MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 08/07/2021 14:57

Cor, antenatal testing has really improved if they can determine gender from a scan.

Smallbutnottinykitten · 08/07/2021 14:58

I assume you mean sex?

I didn’t care.

ISaidDontLickTheBin · 08/07/2021 14:58

For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival

Everyone is different, but for me there wasn't anything I would have done differently (apart from picking names I guess!) based on finding out. We avoided getting any pink/blue/gendered stuff as we wanted to reuse everything for multiple DC.

Plus someone said to me that you get so few genuine surprises in modern life. I do get why people want to find out though, and I was a bit tempted with DC2.

cadburyegg · 08/07/2021 14:58

We didn’t find out with DS1. As one of my friends put it so nicely, “it’s one of the only real surprises you get in life”.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 08/07/2021 14:59

What difference does knowing what genitals your baby has make to getting things prepared for having a baby?

Each to their own, I found out for some of my kids and not for others. Made no real difference at all.

Wilkolampshade · 08/07/2021 14:59

It's the baby's sex OP. Not their gender.

BoattoBolivia · 08/07/2021 14:59

I had many reasons that I didn't want to know my babys' sex: I didn't want to 'bond' too early having seen friends lose babies before birth; I thought that naming them before I met them was weird- both times we had a list of names and chose the one that felt right when we actually met the baby; I had no desire to prep for the baby based on sex- all my baby items were totally neutral and it stopped people buying us 'boy' stuff or 'girl' stuff; I didn't want to have time to conjure up a fantasy baby that might not tie up with the actual child; it gives you something to announce once the baby is born.

AgathaX · 08/07/2021 14:59

I assume you mean baby's sex, not gender?

We didn't find it because we had no burning desire to. It is the most lovely thing to find out the sex of your baby yourselves, in the seconds after the birth, rather than being told by a stranger.

It really made no difference to room decoration, clothing purchases or bonding.

TwilightSkies · 08/07/2021 15:00

I loved the surprise both times. And I’m not having any more but if I did I’d definitely keep it a surprise again.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 08/07/2021 15:00

I didn't find out and when asked what sex it was going to be was accused of lying when I said we wanted it to be a surprise Confused

Toottooot · 08/07/2021 15:00

I really can’t understand why some people are desperate to know the sex of their unborn child. Works both ways. ‘Reveals’ are also cringey as fuck in my opinion.

Beamur · 08/07/2021 15:00

I didn't find out and enjoyed not knowing. Didn't affect bonding and I didn't decorate or buy clothing that was particularly gendered. Babies all look the same at first anyway!

Rapskallion · 08/07/2021 15:00

I wanted the surprise and it was SO wonderful both times. I’m too old for more babies now, but if I weren’t, I wouldn’t find out the sex in any future pregnancies either.

PurBal · 08/07/2021 15:01

I couldn’t have given two hoots. We did find out, DH wanted to and I understood that whilst I felt movement everyday he was keen to know. Biggest anticlimax ever, I was like “oh, ok, that’s that then”. I wasn’t more or less excited. DH then proceeded to tell everyone bless him, and we have been gifted a bunch of gendered clothing which I loathe. We have a boy, the amount of blue we have drives me insane enough, I’m not sure I could manage with baby pink had baby been a girl.

HelloBunny · 08/07/2021 15:02

We’re not the type of who need to plan things, prefer to leave things to chance. So, it suited us to find out on the day. It was a lovely surprise!

Bells3032 · 08/07/2021 15:02

I was determined not to find out the sex. It sounds weird but we never TTC naturally due to my DH's childhood cancer meaning his sperm count was very low. The whole making a baby thing was very clinical, we wouldn't be able to surprise our closest family with getting pregnant as they knew about the IVF and i weirdly wanted some part of the process to be "old fashioned" and surprising

Then i got pregnant naturally and we were gonna find out at the 10 week NIPT test but then it turns out its twins so the test would be really inaccurate. So we'll have to wait til 20 weeks. I've had enough surprises for one pregnancy now!

inappropriateraspberry · 08/07/2021 15:02

Because it makes no difference. It can't be changed. As long they are healthy what does it matter? Plus, we don't get many true surprises these days - what's nicer than the announcement "It's a..."?

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