To wonder why many people don't want to know their baby's gender during pregnancy

[pearlsandpetals]

Hi all, this is definitely not a hateful post just a curious one that's all!
I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and going to find out the gender soon. For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival but also I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter and trying to picture what they will be like. I just wanted to know what reasons people have for not finding out the gender as I'm really interested!

We didn't find out what we were having because we wanted a surprise. I find everything is too instant and readily available these days, was nice being patient and waiting. I loved the mystery and guessing/wondering. Also I will never forget the moment I clapped eyes on him and got to see who we had! He was a boy and we were able to hold him and love him right there and then in person, rather than just knowing the moving shape on the scan was a boy 🤣 We obviously didn't mind if it was a boy or girl, and as we want to have 2 or 3 children I wanted all our baby equipment and the nursery to be neutral so it can be used for anyone. I don't think I would have bonded with him any more if I had known he was a boy before he was born. We had a boy's name and a girl's name and wouldn't have been any more prepared. I don't think I will find out for any of my future pregnancies either as I loved the surprise ❤

It’s a nice surprise that’s why because you’ve no idea what the sex is.

I remember my best friend saying when someone’s giving birth and everyone is anticipating the call to say ‘baby arrived safe and well’, that the excitement of boy/girl just isn’t there and they’re like ‘ah baby’s here that’s great’, she doesn’t like missing the anticipation of the build up 🤣

“Surprises” drive me crazy. I don’t know why I had to know the sex but I just did. I wanted to pick their name and wanted to be able to speak to them when they were growing inside me and address them by their name. It seemed more personal to use their name.
However if I I have a 2nd child I won’t be telling my family the sex before birth because once I’d told them they went nuts buying clothes and toys. They might reign it in a bit if they only get to buy boring white clothes.

I don't really get the 'surprise' argument as it's a surprise whenever you find out, surely? Personally speaking, a baby being hauled from my body and suddenly being responsible for another human being was surprise enough for one day ) but I do totally understand people wanting to wait. I'm a control freak, though, and don't really like not knowing things that I have the power to know, plus we had immense problems choosing a name with DD1 so it was helpful getting rid of 50% of the options! We will find out this pregnancy too, for practical reasons and because I just want to know! DH wouldn't be bothered either way I think.

@Maggiesfarm

Some people like a surprise but, like you op, many do want to know. I wouldn't have liked others, ie medics, knowing the sex of my unborn child when I didn't, so I am with you on this one.

So I think it was only the sonographer with our first that would have known when we didn't. It's not written in your notes anywhere.

With our second I doubt they'd have been able to tell us anyway, she hated being scanned and curled herself into such a tiny ball. So no medical professional knew before us

We didn't know and painted the nursery a lovely soft blue shade, so naturally everyone assumed we knew it was a boy 🙄. She was a girl, and still has the blue walls 6 years later.

I like surprises

I'm not pregnant yet, but already discussed with DP that if/when it happens we don't want to find out the sex beforehand.

I search for spoilers before reading a book or watching a film. I’m not a fan of surprises

[quote Twizbe]@SweetJasmine17 I kinda agree with you. I have one of each and they have access to 99% of each other's toys most of which are really rather neutral.

Despite this my son mostly plays with trains and my daughter dolls.

I let them pick the colour of their rooms. Son chose green, daughter pink.

[/quote]
Oh absolutely, That's fine, completely normal with siblings for the more to share toys and it's great they can access both

I just don't get the "it's all stereotyping" when they've got to wear something as babies. The parents have to choose either way

As I say, my child likes Disney (probably because I do) and I don't think there's anything wrong with conforming to expected toys/colours (as long as kids aren't denied or shamed out of liking the opposite). Insisting kids not be stereotypical isn't superior IMO🤷🏻‍♀️

@Elune

I don't really get the 'surprise' argument as it's a surprise whenever you find out, surely? Personally speaking, a baby being hauled from my body and suddenly being responsible for another human being was surprise enough for one day ) but I do totally understand people wanting to wait. I'm a control freak, though, and don't really like not knowing things that I have the power to know, plus we had immense problems choosing a name with DD1 so it was helpful getting rid of 50% of the options! We will find out this pregnancy too, for practical reasons and because I just want to know! DH wouldn't be bothered either way I think.

I suppose the anticipation of months of wondering and having to wait until the day. It’s a huge part of the experience because you’ve not planned either way so Id say it adds another dimension of excitement

They might reign it in a bit if they only get to buy boring white clothes
Why would they only buy white if they don't know the sex? We bought loads of colours and patterns without knowing the sex and I had friends who made blankets in loads of colours.

I am with you on white being boring though. Never understood this idea of babies looking extra cute in white. I think it makes them look like they've been left in something clinic from the hospital and not yet in something someone's actually chosen!

BYW if I had another o would totally find out!

I didn't mind what I had or do extra prep, but I'm too curious a person. I can't know that they know and not want to know what they know about what's growing inside me

I had and have a very close bond with my children and I don’t think that people who find out the sex beforehand have a closed bond with their children. And I think that to suggest that (as the op did) is a bit rude really.

After 3 late term miscarriages and 1 still birth, I didn't know or care what sex number 5 was, just her (as it turned out), being alive was enough for me.

I feel the opposite - why do people want to know? You get what you are given and as clichéd as it sounds, all you should really care about is if it the baby is healthy.

I didn't find out with my first, we liked the surprise. We did find out with second to help older DS who doesn't like surprises. The 'bonding' with the newborn was exactly the same in both cases. I don't think it has any impact on anything, it's just personal preference.

I found out. For me I was kind of not sure about the pregnancy and being able to visualise and name the baby and think of it as a person rather than a thing inside me helped. Also I am not great with surprises, for me it was something to look forward to at the mid way point of pregnancy and didnt deteact from the surprise of finding out what it's like to be a parent, at the birth.

But agree that it doesnt actually make a difference either way, for me anyway I found out I was having a girl and bought mostly neutral clothes as well as a mix of traditional boy and girl, and again with decor and toys etc. Not sure where I went wrong as now she loves frilly dresses, and all things pink and glitter.

One thing I do disagree with is gender reveals. 1. Its not gender and .2 I think it makes the sex into a massive deal and kind of 'others' boys and girls. And 3. I find it massively fake, everyone cheers either way

@Smallbutnottinykitten

I had and have a very close bond with my children and I don’t think that people who find out the sex beforehand have a closed bond with their children. And I think that to suggest that (as the op did) is a bit rude really.

I d. It seem that comment, can’t believe someone thinks finding out the sex makes the bonding better 🤣

Could spin it round and say the excitement of not knowing the sex and finding out makes you bond better because you’re more excited 🤣

Both are bollocks to go with bonding

I'd want a surprise because why do we care so much about gender?

Why do we need labelling even before exiting into the world?

I didn’t see that comment I mean

@Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin why does everyone on here assume that if you choose to find out the sex, that somehow means that's all you're concerned about?! I'm going for my scan soon to find out the sex of my baby and my number one concern is that everything is okay, the sex does not matter to me - I just want to find out.

Or correction/sex!