Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off DH went straight to celebrate with friends after the match?

313 replies

iamtherealelsa · 07/07/2021 23:29

Regular poster but name changed for this one...
So DH has always been pretty into football. He's not massively bothered about following the usual league stuff but gets hugely excited for big tournaments. Tonight was a really big deal for him. We have watched a couple of the games of this tournament together so far, and a couple he has watched with a small group of friends who also happen to be neighbours, always at one particular neighbour's house.
I've never been that into it but have always watched the big games and tournaments and always always watched England. He knows this - we've been together for 17 years.
I said after we knew England had made it to the semis that I definitely wanted to watch it. We have two young DC and no babysitters at the moment (DM is our usual babysitter but she has a recently diagnosed spinal issue...whole other thread).
There was lots of umming and ahhing the last week about where he would be watching this one and I made it clear that I wanted to watch it and ideally didn't want to watch it alone! He said he would stay in but seemed a bit reluctant and to be honest I felt like he really didn't want to. I think he was only really doing it to make up for the fact that he went to the cinema this afternoon while I looked after both DC and DM's dog and he just didn't feel he was entitled to go out again today.
Anyway, he stayed in, we watched it together but as soon as the football finished he announced he was going for a 'celebratory beer' at his friend's house and was basically out the door before I knew what had happened. I'm really pissed off and think it was a bit shitty to just leave me to clear up, turn everything off and go to bed on my own while he went out to celebrate with the people he clearly wished he'd been with this whole time! I just feel a bit rejected and uninvolved which is possibly really pathetic.
AIBU to think he should have stayed to have that celebratory drink with me?

OP posts:

skippy67 · 08/07/2021 09:08

They're not both "clearly into football as each other". Read the OP.

babyblues21 · 08/07/2021 09:10

Sorry OP, it’s a shitty thing he did but football does things to people and they cease to be rational. Meaning he just HAD to go and bellow with his herd.

This is on odd comment. Bellow with his herd? There are certain things that both men and women would probably prefer to do in a same sex group. For example, if I wanted to go shoe shopping for a few hours I'd rather go with my female friends because they'd show more interest and enthusiasm than DP would. I imagine not one person on here would see an issue with my logic if I made a thread about this. Well, it works the opposite way for men too - there are certain things they prefer the company of other males for. I don't see an issue at all.

babyblues21 · 08/07/2021 09:16

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

A bit of a shame he didn't ask if you wanted to join him for a drink

It's absolutely fine for people to have drinks with their mates without their OH's being there. I would never ever have asked my H to join me and my mates for a drink, what a way to ruin the dynamic

Same, neither would I. Not if it was a drink with a group of other women. I wouldn't want him there 😂

nattertAtter · 08/07/2021 09:19

@drpet49

** You've had some awful responses on here, OP. It's internalised misogyny is what is it. Make sure you get some time to do what you want to do. I bet you hardly ever do. He's selfish. The posters on here are blind to it.**

^For an event that I don’t have much interest in and that has barley happens in decades I wouldn’t force my husband to spend an evening with me when he would have been far better and happier spending it with his friends. It is petulant and controlling.

But op does have interest and was excited to watch it.

I have the opposite problem , my boyfriend really wants me to watch the watch and thinks because it’s England I’ll get into it. It bores me to tears and I wish he’d just watch it with someone else! Mind you I’ll probably watch the match on Sunday because even I can appreciate what a big deal that is !

SlothMama · 08/07/2021 09:31

How many times does England get into an international final? You're being unreasonable OP.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 08/07/2021 09:33

I agree re the pathetic accusations of "cool wives". Basically any woman fine with her husband going out without her or without expecting him to give a detailed thought to how the dishes might be done while he's out, is belittled.

It's also an odd insinuation on here when people assume the OP wouldn't get a night out herself. Most relationships are not all or nothing.

It seems in MN land once you're married or have kids you must both stay indoors and be miserable until your kids are 18 otherwise you're a massive walkover. And if they do go out to the pub the ONLY course of action is to set a curfew and if they aren't back on the dot you must ring their mobile, followed by hospitals and police stations if they don't answer on the third ring. And then piss off for the day yourself to a spa the following day 🤣

SmokeyDevil · 08/07/2021 09:34

@SupermanInk

But how do you know their relationship is as equal? Maybe it isn't, plus what's wrong with her wanting a night in with her husband to watch a game they both wanted to watch?

I’ve already said if there are issues in the relationship, they need addressing. No one should accept a crap partner who doesn’t do their fair share. I can only assume there are issues like this in OPs relationship.
As for what’s wrong with her wanting to watch it with her husband, I’ve already said, because he’s into football and she’s not. It’s better to watch it with people who get equally excited.

But she is into football, she wanted to watch this match. A lot of people like watching the big matches only, doesn't mean they aren't fans and don't like it. More people will watch the final than did the first game of the first rounds, does that mean all of them aren't fans either?

TwinsAndTrifle · 08/07/2021 09:34

I think he probably did want to watch it with them instead. I watched it with DH, but it's really not the same as him being with his friends, at theirs/in the pub. You know this.

But he didn't. He watched it with you. Because that's what you wanted.

Then he went to catch the tail end of the celebrations where he wanted to be, but had put you first up until then.

He put you first for 80% of the "experience" then went next door for the last 20% when the game was over.

I think YABU for thinking that's a raw deal.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 08/07/2021 09:36

I'd so rather do about 95% of things with friends over a man, and I'd hate to be built tripped about that. Why must couples be attached at the hip?

mam0918 · 08/07/2021 09:39

PP are fucking insane.

Why is it OPs job to be stuck home with the kids while hes out on the piss and at the cinema etc...?

Women need to stop settling for this bullshit.

Hes a fully grown adult with responsabilities and he can grow up, hes not a teen that gets to suddenly decide to just go out and get pissed with his mates just because he feels like it while expecting someone else to look after his shared responsiblities.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 08/07/2021 09:45

@mam0918

PP are fucking insane.

Why is it OPs job to be stuck home with the kids while hes out on the piss and at the cinema etc...?

Women need to stop settling for this bullshit.

In general yes responsibilities need to be considered - but like with anything in life we have to give and bend the rules now and again. A lot of people don't understand what it means for England to reach a final, but it is an exceptional thing and I think just this once people could give an exception to the 'rules'. He didn't leave the kids alone, no one was unsafe, are people with children NEVER supposed to go out?

If the OP gets plenty of opportunities to go to the pub - which she hasn't really clarified - then it's fair enough.

Noterook · 08/07/2021 09:47

@mam0918

PP are fucking insane.

Why is it OPs job to be stuck home with the kids while hes out on the piss and at the cinema etc...?

Women need to stop settling for this bullshit.

By that logic is either of them ever 'allowed' out?

Loudestcat14 · 08/07/2021 09:48

@mam0918

PP are fucking insane.

Why is it OPs job to be stuck home with the kids while hes out on the piss and at the cinema etc...?

Women need to stop settling for this bullshit.

So couples are never allowed to go out separately? Because you're making a massive assumption here that OP never goes out on her own with her friends to get pissed or to the cinema etc while her DH stays home with the kids. Seriously, what is it with MN posters thinking it's so awful and demeaning and selfish if their partner goes out every now and then?! What a fucking miserable existence for both men and women to be joined at the hip with your OH indoors for all eternity.

moynomore · 08/07/2021 09:49

The OP says her DH is into football and her not so much. Of course he'd rather watch it with his mates who are also into it. I actually think it was mean of the OP to guilt her DH into watching it at home. Unless they never do anything together or OP never gets the opportunity to go out herself, OP is BU.

nattertAtter · 08/07/2021 09:49

I think people are projecting a lot onto this. They can’t fathom the op enjoying football and know they would be terrible company for football match so assume op is too.

Original poster

Iamtherealelsa · 08/07/2021 09:50

Wow. Didn't expect this to kick off so much but it's Mumsnet, so not sure why I didn't tbh 🤪

DH came back at 2.23am. He woke me up clanging around in the bathroom, then came to bed smelling of beer and fell asleep almost instantly snoring like a train. I went and slept on the sofa and then was woken at 6.30 by DD (4). DS came down about ten to 7. I made the kids breakfast, got everyone dressed and ready and took DS to school and DD to nursery. Then I went and picked up DM's dog and took him for a walk in the rain. Just got back home and about to start work.

DH hasn't yet surfaced. No idea what he's told his work, if anything!

I think I was feeling a bit emotional last night for whatever reason. I don't feel the same this morning. Still a bit pissed off he was out the door practically before the final whistle (personally think that's rude whoever you're watching with/whatever the circumstances).

In terms of the friends he went to see - there's a group of five couples including us who are neighbours and we all hang out as a group and also as men/women separately. Our kids are all at school together. Everyone watched the football last night but only two of the blokes watched it together, everyone else stayed in and watched with their partners. The one wife who stayed in on her own couldn't give a whatsit about football and went to bed. The rest of us had a group WhatsApp going for most of it. My DH was the only one who legged it out the house at full time.

Thanks to the PPs who have understood what I meant and not been bitchy! Honestly, Mumsnet seems to be so full of people full of absolute pent up rage who can't wait to unleash- usually on other women. So glad the sisterhood is thriving

Re the final on Sunday - not sure what the plan is yet. Maybe we'll chat about it when he emerges 👍🏻

OP posts:

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 08/07/2021 09:52

Seriously, what is it with MN posters thinking it's so awful and demeaning and selfish if their partner goes out every now and then?! What a fucking miserable existence for both men and women to be joined at the hip with your OH indoors for all eternity.

Not only that but if a woman posted saying hat her husband told her she can't go meet friends in the pub because she has responsibilities then she'd be told she was being abused and to LTB - and they'd be right.

But a bloke wanting to celebrate sporting history with his mates after watching the whole match with his wife is labelled as a prick and misogynist.

Am I in the fucking Twilight zone or something??!

lifehappened · 08/07/2021 09:53

@mam0918 really? You don't think he's allowed to go out and see friends? She could if she wanted to (not at the same time obvs) you can't call sexist if both have opportunities to go out. How dramatic

TravellingJack · 08/07/2021 09:53

What are your plans for watching the final, OP? Surely you'd like to go out and watch it yourself, and seeing as he got to go out last time, surely it's your turn this time... If you'd both like to go out and watch it (together, with his mates, perhaps, seeing as you're all fans?) then he can arrange a babysitter, right? If not, then you can go out while he has his mates over to watch it at your home whilst keeping an eye on your joint children...

I may sound petty, but don't let yourself be the default parent when it comes to prioritising social/fun stuff, that can lead to horrifically unfair situations (my ex used to think his ad hoc/last minute arrangements trumped anything of mine, even things that had been in the calendar for months) and massive resentment.

ineedaholidaynow · 08/07/2021 09:55

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop so if they both decide to go out and see their mates who looks after the children?

Loudestcat14 · 08/07/2021 09:55

I think we both are, FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop!

ginandgingers92 · 08/07/2021 09:56

Lots of poisonous posters on this thread... 🤢

I think a lot comes down to being the default parent and always feeling like you have to be the one to miss out when you have young children. The fact lots of people don't seem to see a problem in that is actually pretty fucked up.

Original poster

Iamtherealelsa · 08/07/2021 09:56

Also - yes I do go out and get pissed sometimes, but NEVER would I get so pissed I assume DH would get up and do everything for the kids while I lie in bed recovering til whenever I felt like it. He does do this when he goes out as he knows I'll get up and handle everything.

If I did do it, especially on a school night, I know he'd forget their packed lunches or not send them in with a PE kit or whatever. I wouldn't do that to my DC

OP posts:

moynomore · 08/07/2021 09:57

The OP doesn't seem the be upset that she's left with the kids. More that she thought her DH didn't enjoy watching the game with her as he ran off. Unless I missed it, nothing suggests she doesn't get to go out when she wants too.

Loudestcat14 · 08/07/2021 09:57

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop so if they both decide to go out and see their mates who looks after the children?[/quote]
Babysitter, take turns or a coin toss to see who stays in if we can't remember who's turn it is. Works for me and my DP.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Swipe left for the next trending thread