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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off DH went straight to celebrate with friends after the match?

313 replies

iamtherealelsa · 07/07/2021 23:29

Regular poster but name changed for this one...
So DH has always been pretty into football. He's not massively bothered about following the usual league stuff but gets hugely excited for big tournaments. Tonight was a really big deal for him. We have watched a couple of the games of this tournament together so far, and a couple he has watched with a small group of friends who also happen to be neighbours, always at one particular neighbour's house.
I've never been that into it but have always watched the big games and tournaments and always always watched England. He knows this - we've been together for 17 years.
I said after we knew England had made it to the semis that I definitely wanted to watch it. We have two young DC and no babysitters at the moment (DM is our usual babysitter but she has a recently diagnosed spinal issue...whole other thread).
There was lots of umming and ahhing the last week about where he would be watching this one and I made it clear that I wanted to watch it and ideally didn't want to watch it alone! He said he would stay in but seemed a bit reluctant and to be honest I felt like he really didn't want to. I think he was only really doing it to make up for the fact that he went to the cinema this afternoon while I looked after both DC and DM's dog and he just didn't feel he was entitled to go out again today.
Anyway, he stayed in, we watched it together but as soon as the football finished he announced he was going for a 'celebratory beer' at his friend's house and was basically out the door before I knew what had happened. I'm really pissed off and think it was a bit shitty to just leave me to clear up, turn everything off and go to bed on my own while he went out to celebrate with the people he clearly wished he'd been with this whole time! I just feel a bit rejected and uninvolved which is possibly really pathetic.
AIBU to think he should have stayed to have that celebratory drink with me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamtherealelsa · 07/07/2021 23:44

@MiaRoma

Are you always this needy and controlling, OP?
I don't think so?! It's a genuine feeling of disappointment that he wanted to be with other people when I thought we were enjoying ourselves! I actually feel slightly embarrassed about that now as clearly we were on different pages tonight 😬
OP posts:
Chloemol · 07/07/2021 23:45

I see yet again lots haven’t read the post

Op wanted to watch the match with someone, why should he go out and she be left on her own?

Personally uni would now be locking up and going to bed, making sure the door is locked a s he can’t get in

NakedAttraction · 07/07/2021 23:45

@OppsUpsSide

This is why relationships scare me, it just sounds a bit miserable all round.
Grin
LtDansleg · 07/07/2021 23:46

I get how you’re feeling op. You don’t normally like football, but you got caught up in the excitement and wanted to watch it with your oh. The thing is that this meant a lot more to your oh than that. He wanted to watch it with his mates who feel the same as him, it’s more than a bit of excitement to some people. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you to get to fuck when you demanded he stay home to watch it with you. He’s missed out on the joy of watching the victory with his mates, at least let him celebrate with them now

Original poster
Iamtherealelsa · 07/07/2021 23:46

@OppsUpsSide

This is why relationships scare me, it just sounds a bit miserable all round.
It's not usually miserable honestly! Don't be scared!
OP posts:
Meraas · 07/07/2021 23:48

I sympathise, DH often just goes up to bed, leaving the TV and lights and not checking the gas cooker, doors etc.

I don't tidy up after him though, any glasses/mugs get left on the table until he picks them up and washes them the next day.

lemmein · 07/07/2021 23:48

It sounds like you're resentful of being the default parent OP, I get that, I'd probably be a bit pissed too with the assumption if there's no sitter then you're it. I wouldn't be bothered about watching the football on my own though. Tell him as he's had his night then you'll have yours on Sunday 😏😂

Blossomtoes · 07/07/2021 23:49

@OppsUpsSide

This is why relationships scare me, it just sounds a bit miserable all round.
Don’t be scared, they’re not all like this!
MrsDonnelly · 07/07/2021 23:49

Very unfair. You’ve admitted yourself you aren’t that into it. The first time in 55 years that England have made it to a final and he wasn’t allowed to watch the game with his mates?! Unfair and controlling

Original poster
Iamtherealelsa · 07/07/2021 23:51

Wow some of you are clearly triggered tonight!! 🤣
I honestly didn't 'control' or 'demand' he stay at home or anything like that. I honestly wasn't 'arsey' with him! Our relationship is nothing like that - it's been 17 years and I'd say we're a pretty happy, jokey couple.
He knew I wanted to watch it with him, he chose to stay in, I thought we were enjoying it and then he was out the door almost before the ref had blown the final whistle. I just feel a bit sad and embarrassed as I thought we were having a few drinks and an evening together and I was enjoying myself! I thought we'd be up a while longer chatting and drinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamtherealelsa · 07/07/2021 23:55

@MrsDonnelly

Very unfair. You’ve admitted yourself you aren’t that into it. The first time in 55 years that England have made it to a final and he wasn’t allowed to watch the game with his mates?! Unfair and controlling
I meant I've never been that into 'normal' league football...he isn't either. We both only watch the big tournaments
OP posts:
bellamountain · 07/07/2021 23:55

OP you're not being unreasonable. You've been watching England games for a long time too and you said your DH doesn't watch usual league football so I would say you're equal. It's just men get the free pass to celebrate with their mates because they are well.... men. If he was a big premiere league fan, I'd see his point. It can feel very lonely watching it alone, when you want to be able to celebrate. Do you have any girl friends who could come round and watch the final together?

postcardfromme · 07/07/2021 23:55

@Demelza82

that made me laugh!!😂

OppsUpsSide · 07/07/2021 23:57

Don’t be scared, they’re not all like this!

I don’t think either of them are ‘wrong’ in this instance, I am sure both are lovely as are most people in relationships but is the aching misery of compromise that puts me off!

butterpuffed · 07/07/2021 23:59

@Chloemol

I see yet again lots haven’t read the post

Op wanted to watch the match with someone, why should he go out and she be left on her own?

Personally uni would now be locking up and going to bed, making sure the door is locked a s he can’t get in

You haven't read it either. He stayed and watched the match with OP, just went to neighbours afterwards.
Original poster
Iamtherealelsa · 08/07/2021 00:00

@bellamountain

OP you're not being unreasonable. You've been watching England games for a long time too and you said your DH doesn't watch usual league football so I would say you're equal. It's just men get the free pass to celebrate with their mates because they are well.... men. If he was a big premiere league fan, I'd see his point. It can feel very lonely watching it alone, when you want to be able to celebrate. Do you have any girl friends who could come round and watch the final together?
I think this is it, you've verbalised what I've been struggling to - it's that men get a free pass - a pp even said 'they want to watch it with their mates, not their wife' etc. It just feels a bit shit. Yet another thing where women are supposed to roll an indulgent eye and send the men out to play while they do all the childcare and clearing up because 'it's football' and therefore we have to take a backseat
OP posts:
Halo1234 · 08/07/2021 00:00

FYI. I think u have maybe changed your user name to post the original post then used your normal user name to reply to some of the comments.

I dont think yabu. When small children are around there has to be give and take on who goes out when. However its a big night and if he wants to be with his mates then I won't take that personally. I get you had a night planned for the two of you but its not like its your anniversary or birthday....a man (or woman) wanting to celebrate a big football win with their friends is hardly surprising. You are taking it to mean he didn't want to spend time with you. I do think it was just he was excited to see his mates. I wont cause a drama over it tbh I dont think its that bad (though do see your point).

MamaJustKilledAMan · 08/07/2021 00:00

Aww let him go celebrate and don't take it personally. What man wants to celebrate the best game of his whole lifetime with his wife who isn't really all that into it.
You will be in the same position as many women this evening! I've not even heard from my partner since about 6pm 😂 he will have a sore head in the morning as will most of England. It's a one off special occasion!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 08/07/2021 00:01

Let him celebrate.this is beyond huge that England are in a final. Don't let this be the thing you have a 'thing' about

PerveenMistry · 08/07/2021 00:05

@Fedinbed

Meh. I think you should have ‘let’ him watch it with his mates.
Same here.
Saladcrab · 08/07/2021 00:05

Don’t get the posters saying she’s controlling she’s said she likes to watch the football so does he he’s watched most the games with his mates leaving her home alone to watch the kids for once she wanted to watch the football with him after he had a child free afternoon to himself England won they where both happy she wanted to enjoy the rest of the evening together celebrate England wining etc I’d be slightly annoyed if my husband had watched the football games with out me knowing that I enjoy it too and then the one time he does agree to watch it he’s out the door as quick as he can be once it’s over

ineedaholidaynow · 08/07/2021 00:05

Why is it only men that get the pass to go out and leave their partner home as someone has to be there for the kids? So he is going to be out for the final so OP has to watch it at home in her own

PerveenMistry · 08/07/2021 00:07

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Why should OP sit alone and not have the fun of watching it with someone else, ie her husband? Surely she is his defaults person to watch and celebrate it with ?

Clearly he would rather have watched with his friends. That's not a crime.

Marriage doesn't mean we have to be welded together at all times.

Hannsmum · 08/07/2021 00:08

YABVU..it's football. Let him celebrate with his mates. That's where the fun lies for him

showmethegin · 08/07/2021 00:09

@Mipapapequenaa

I think I'd feel pretty sad too. A bit of a shame he didn't ask if you wanted to join him for a drink with said neighbours or you could have all watched the game together?
Exactly.
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