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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off DH went straight to celebrate with friends after the match?

313 replies

iamtherealelsa · 07/07/2021 23:29

Regular poster but name changed for this one...
So DH has always been pretty into football. He's not massively bothered about following the usual league stuff but gets hugely excited for big tournaments. Tonight was a really big deal for him. We have watched a couple of the games of this tournament together so far, and a couple he has watched with a small group of friends who also happen to be neighbours, always at one particular neighbour's house.
I've never been that into it but have always watched the big games and tournaments and always always watched England. He knows this - we've been together for 17 years.
I said after we knew England had made it to the semis that I definitely wanted to watch it. We have two young DC and no babysitters at the moment (DM is our usual babysitter but she has a recently diagnosed spinal issue...whole other thread).
There was lots of umming and ahhing the last week about where he would be watching this one and I made it clear that I wanted to watch it and ideally didn't want to watch it alone! He said he would stay in but seemed a bit reluctant and to be honest I felt like he really didn't want to. I think he was only really doing it to make up for the fact that he went to the cinema this afternoon while I looked after both DC and DM's dog and he just didn't feel he was entitled to go out again today.
Anyway, he stayed in, we watched it together but as soon as the football finished he announced he was going for a 'celebratory beer' at his friend's house and was basically out the door before I knew what had happened. I'm really pissed off and think it was a bit shitty to just leave me to clear up, turn everything off and go to bed on my own while he went out to celebrate with the people he clearly wished he'd been with this whole time! I just feel a bit rejected and uninvolved which is possibly really pathetic.
AIBU to think he should have stayed to have that celebratory drink with me?

OP posts:
haveibeencaughtout · 08/07/2021 08:39

You've had some awful responses on here, OP.
It's internalised misogyny is what is it.
Make sure you get some time to do what you want to do. I bet you hardly ever do.
He's selfish.
The posters on here are blind to it.
Men will be men and all that. You're a grumpy old ball and chain for not letting him. Why can't you be a cool wife? It's all so pathetic and depressing. He sounds like a proper pillock and the people on here defending him are equally as daft.

Biancadelrioisback · 08/07/2021 08:39

@Samanabanana

So many cool wives on this post Grin
Just another shitty stick to beat women with.
Timeforredwine · 08/07/2021 08:39

Why didnt he either ask a couple of friends to yours instead so it didnt leave you on your own? Nothing controlling about spending the evening together either, what an absurd view!?

burnoutbabe · 08/07/2021 08:44

It's the ditching of his wife to go and celebrate with others.

It clearly says "you are not someone to celebrate with /no fun"

I'd be hurt too. You have been doing something together, having some drinks and fun and then he leaves without even caring that you can't (as kids in bed)

He could have celebrated with you but chose not to.

BobbidyBob · 08/07/2021 08:44

@Iamtherealelsa

Wow some of you are clearly triggered tonight!! 🤣 I honestly didn't 'control' or 'demand' he stay at home or anything like that. I honestly wasn't 'arsey' with him! Our relationship is nothing like that - it's been 17 years and I'd say we're a pretty happy, jokey couple. He knew I wanted to watch it with him, he chose to stay in, I thought we were enjoying it and then he was out the door almost before the ref had blown the final whistle. I just feel a bit sad and embarrassed as I thought we were having a few drinks and an evening together and I was enjoying myself! I thought we'd be up a while longer chatting and drinking.
I was with you until you used “triggered” in such a derogatory and offensive way. Do you call people “snowflakes” too? Yuck. I’m embarrassed for you.
Paq · 08/07/2021 08:44

@BigSandyBalls2015

OP why don’t you host on Sunday night, invite everyone round to yours ... problem solved

Why doesn't her DH host if he really wants to hang out with his mates? Your post made it sound like she'd be doing all the work.

Noterook · 08/07/2021 08:45

So many cool wives on this post

Is my husband a cool husband or is it just women?

SupermanInk · 08/07/2021 08:45

That's not sharing though is it? That's him abandoning you with all the work.

Our relationship is more than a day of two. I’m more than capable of doing everything that needs doing. My partner will do the same if I’ve got things on. I’ve gone to festivals for a few days and he’s done everything that needs doing with the house and kids. I’ve had nights where I’ve drank to much and he’s left me in bed the next day and just got on with it. We also do stuff together, its not a competition. I know if I needed him, he’d drop everything for me.
When our youngest was about 1, my partner actually went to another country and watched some of the Euro games. 🤷🏻‍♀️ He was away for about a week. He didn’t need to do extra before he left.
But like I say, our relationship is equal and I know when it comes down to it, family is the priority.

Biancadelrioisback · 08/07/2021 08:45

FFs, he wanted to celebrate and be with his mates. Why do OPs wishes trump his?
He found a suitable compromise but clearly it wasn't enough

Mrstamborineman · 08/07/2021 08:48

Yabu and missing the point that he watched the match with you like you asked.

SmokeyDevil · 08/07/2021 08:48

@SupermanInk

That's not sharing though is it? That's him abandoning you with all the work.

Our relationship is more than a day of two. I’m more than capable of doing everything that needs doing. My partner will do the same if I’ve got things on. I’ve gone to festivals for a few days and he’s done everything that needs doing with the house and kids. I’ve had nights where I’ve drank to much and he’s left me in bed the next day and just got on with it. We also do stuff together, its not a competition. I know if I needed him, he’d drop everything for me.
When our youngest was about 1, my partner actually went to another country and watched some of the Euro games. 🤷🏻‍♀️ He was away for about a week. He didn’t need to do extra before he left.
But like I say, our relationship is equal and I know when it comes down to it, family is the priority.

But how do you know their relationship is as equal? Maybe it isn't, plus what's wrong with her wanting a night in with her husband to watch a game they both wanted to watch?
Loudestcat14 · 08/07/2021 08:52

So women are doormats because they don't mind their OHs going to watch football with their mates? For lots of men, football is a hobby like any other – my DP has a Premiership season ticket and watches the tournaments religiously. Last night he went out to watch the match with the friends he always watches with and I didn't mind. Why would I? It was the most important frickin' match England have played since '66! On Sunday, everyone's coming to ours to watch because I want to see the final too and that's called compromising, which a lot of posters slagging off women as doormats seem unable to grasp. It's either their way or no way. Hmm

skippy67 · 08/07/2021 08:52

Is there an opposite of "cool wife" I wonder? Answers on a postcard...

drpet49 · 08/07/2021 08:54

** You've had some awful responses on here, OP.
It's internalised misogyny is what is it.
Make sure you get some time to do what you want to do. I bet you hardly ever do.
He's selfish.
The posters on here are blind to it.**

^For an event that I don’t have much interest in and that has barley happens in decades I wouldn’t force my husband to spend an evening with me when he would have been far better and happier spending it with his friends. It is petulant and controlling.

BobbidyBob · 08/07/2021 08:54

@skippy67

Is there an opposite of "cool wife" I wonder? Answers on a postcard...
The answer is that we can never do anything right Confused Be cool? No, you can’t really feel that way, you’re just trying to make the rest of us look bad. Be uncool? Well, poor husband - no wonder he doesn’t want to spend any time with you.

Women really can be awful to each other.

SupermanInk · 08/07/2021 08:54

But how do you know their relationship is as equal? Maybe it isn't, plus what's wrong with her wanting a night in with her husband to watch a game they both wanted to watch?

I’ve already said if there are issues in the relationship, they need addressing. No one should accept a crap partner who doesn’t do their fair share. I can only assume there are issues like this in OPs relationship.
As for what’s wrong with her wanting to watch it with her husband, I’ve already said, because he’s into football and she’s not. It’s better to watch it with people who get equally excited.

babyblues21 · 08/07/2021 08:57

@skippy67

Is there an opposite of "cool wife" I wonder? Answers on a postcard...
I always brings when I see "cool wife" or "pick me" used as an insult on here. It's meaningless and just a way to put down women who have a different perspective than you on relationships.
babyblues21 · 08/07/2021 08:57

*cringe .... not brings 😂

skippy67 · 08/07/2021 08:59

Absolutely.

EthelMerman · 08/07/2021 09:00

@drpet49

* I think you should have let him go watch it with his mates, it’s clearly what he wanted to do and only watched it with you out of obligation. You yourself said you’re not really into the football *

^This. You ruined it for him

how supportive of you @drpet49

This is what I hate about sport culture, especially around football. You didn’t “allow” him to join the other menfolk so they could spend the match bellowing like a herd of bull calves. So he fecked off at the earliest opportunity where no doubt they’ll commiserate that his wife didn’t let him out so he wasn't really able to enjoy watching the match.

Sorry OP, it’s a shitty thing he did but football does things to people and they cease to be rational. Meaning he just HAD to go and bellow with his herd. Hope DH didn’t come home drunk.

(Yes, I am one of those who says “It’s just a game” )

KarmaStar · 08/07/2021 09:03

Why not watch it with your friends and let him be with his?
You seem very clingy.
Yabu.

mikejardine · 08/07/2021 09:05

Wow a lot of you have set your bar very low! It is not "needy" or "controlling" to not want to be the default parent doing the childcare without even being consulted. Can the OP just swan off at any point knowing that her kids are being looked after? I doubt it.

As for all the comments about "admitting she's not even that into football", it's England ffs, last nights game was watched, enjoyed and celebrated by thousands of people who aren't "that into" football.

OP your DH was rude and yanbu

roliepopsock21 · 08/07/2021 09:05

What I don’t get is how so many people are missing the fact that they are both CLEARLY as into football as each other. It’s not controlling OP, your DP perhaps just needs to grow up a bit!

mynameisbrian · 08/07/2021 09:07

I enjoy football so it would be an issue for me if my DH disappeared off. However if I didn’t I would have been happy for him to go out and watch it with his mates. It’s not being. ‘Cool’ wife. The idea of forcing my DH to sit with me watching something I don’t enjoy which was such an important game is a shit thing to do. Why wouldn’t he want to celebrate with friends who are as excited as him about being in the first final since 66. Relationships are a balance . I have my time with my friends and he has his. It’s not a competition

Lazypuppy · 08/07/2021 09:07

Of course he wanted to watch it with his friends!! Uf you wamted to watch it, and not alone, why didn't you invite friends round?

Thays what i did, dp went to football club, and i had a friend over as dd was asleep upstairz

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