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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off DH went straight to celebrate with friends after the match?

313 replies

iamtherealelsa · 07/07/2021 23:29

Regular poster but name changed for this one...
So DH has always been pretty into football. He's not massively bothered about following the usual league stuff but gets hugely excited for big tournaments. Tonight was a really big deal for him. We have watched a couple of the games of this tournament together so far, and a couple he has watched with a small group of friends who also happen to be neighbours, always at one particular neighbour's house.
I've never been that into it but have always watched the big games and tournaments and always always watched England. He knows this - we've been together for 17 years.
I said after we knew England had made it to the semis that I definitely wanted to watch it. We have two young DC and no babysitters at the moment (DM is our usual babysitter but she has a recently diagnosed spinal issue...whole other thread).
There was lots of umming and ahhing the last week about where he would be watching this one and I made it clear that I wanted to watch it and ideally didn't want to watch it alone! He said he would stay in but seemed a bit reluctant and to be honest I felt like he really didn't want to. I think he was only really doing it to make up for the fact that he went to the cinema this afternoon while I looked after both DC and DM's dog and he just didn't feel he was entitled to go out again today.
Anyway, he stayed in, we watched it together but as soon as the football finished he announced he was going for a 'celebratory beer' at his friend's house and was basically out the door before I knew what had happened. I'm really pissed off and think it was a bit shitty to just leave me to clear up, turn everything off and go to bed on my own while he went out to celebrate with the people he clearly wished he'd been with this whole time! I just feel a bit rejected and uninvolved which is possibly really pathetic.
AIBU to think he should have stayed to have that celebratory drink with me?

OP posts:
Jellyred · 08/07/2021 07:06

I encouraged DH to go watch with his mates because I knew he would enjoy it more than watching it with me/at home as I’m not into football. Pre DC I would have been in the pub though cos I love the atmosphere.
He did send me take out.

Tables turned he would do the same for me.

The pre cinema - that’s a piss take. The football is a non repeatable event, the cinema wasn’t.

tallduckandhandsome · 08/07/2021 07:10

@HOkieCOkie

It’s not often this happens honestly op.
Hmm

I'm sure OP is aware.

Strawberriesandcream21 · 08/07/2021 07:14

@drpet49

* I think you should have let him go watch it with his mates, it’s clearly what he wanted to do and only watched it with you out of obligation. You yourself said you’re not really into the football *

^This. You ruined it for him

100%
ChubbyLittleManInACampervan · 08/07/2021 07:17

Football is a mates thing, or a family thing, but he humoured you (even though he would rather have been with them)

For me, if a partner would rather spend a once-in-lifetime football evening with friends. I would have let him

Lots of other stuff on other days you can watch together

Kotatsu · 08/07/2021 07:17

I think the OP is allowed to be miffed here - it's not controlling to feel this way, it would be controlling to stop him going (which she didn't)

She's allowed to feel sad when her partner relegates her to the back of the queue for his attention - especially since pre-kids she'd have been able to go too, whereas now she's just left alone because someone has to look after them.

And it's all very well saying that she should go out another time without him, and leave him to look after the children, but that's not what's making her sad is it, it's that she wanted to enjoy his company during a time when he was happy and celebrating.

HOkieCOkie · 08/07/2021 07:20

@tallduckandhandsome don’t hurt those rolling eyes

asprinklingofsugar · 08/07/2021 07:20

YABU

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 08/07/2021 07:22

Op, Sunday tell him you have arranged to watch the football with some mates. Leave him to deal with the kids.

Mummadeze · 08/07/2021 07:24

I think rushing out the house afterwards was quite off actually. I am not surprised you feel deflated. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it but I would feel the same as you.

ikeepseeingit · 08/07/2021 07:25

This whole thread has been full of comments essentially saying that men will be men. Why would OP assume her husband was going to up and leave her to get pissed when the match ended? If OPs husband wanted to go out and knew she wanted to watch the match too he should have offered to find a baby sitter and then they could have some fun together. I can tell that people will be thinking that he should be allowed to go out alone, but from OPs posts I don’t see her going out and doing anything fun for herself. She’s been in while he was out at the cinema, looking after his mother’s dog and their children, now she’s expected to just be happy that the nice evening in she was expecting to have had been cut short because he wants to go out and get pissed with his mates. To me this reeks of her being the default parent, and him expecting her to just drop everything including her own nice evening for him.

All these comments about how men like to drink after a match together are a bit off to me. Why can’t women enjoy the football too?

Redkey · 08/07/2021 07:26

YABU I can't imagine wanting to celebrate with you - you make it sound like an obligation - you will have fun with me whether you like it or not!

I went to bed before the match was finished - was bored shitless 😂

imisscashmere · 08/07/2021 07:27

Shock news alert - men prefer to watch football with their mates instead of their wives!

Weirdwonders · 08/07/2021 07:28

OP hasn’t he spent the last 15 months sat watching TV with you though? It’s one drink!

nolovelost · 08/07/2021 07:28

What's the problem? England in the final, first time since 1966. Let it go!

Sexnotgender · 08/07/2021 07:29

I do hope you’re going to be the one going out and celebrating while he’s at home watching the kids during the final.

Strugglingtodomybest · 08/07/2021 07:30

I get how you were feeling OP and I hope you're feeling better this morning.

cookiecreampie · 08/07/2021 07:30

@Howcanthisbe123

Surly you would rather be with your mates than your partner when celebrating football.

Atleast you watched the game together. Don’t see a problem with him going out after if you’re just going to bed!

Yabu

Depends on the partner. If the partner is equally into football, then watch with partner. If partner is not really that bothered, then better to watch with mates.
Distiller91 · 08/07/2021 07:32

I think yabu. I wouldn't want my dp staying in with me watching the football if i suspected he'd rather be with his mates. Can't you invite some friends round Sunday yourself?

He went out for a drink afterwards with his mates due to excitement. You could have left the cleaning up for him when he got back!

Somarefuser · 08/07/2021 07:33

@MsHedgehog

So your husband chose you over his friends to watch the game with, even though I suspect he would much rather be with them, and you’re annoyed he went for a celebratory drink with them after?

Yes, YABU!

I think you’re bothered because he did what you wanted, then you realised that his heart wasn’t in it. He complied because you asked, then duty done, he scuttled off to have fun. As to being the default parent, you can change that. All you need is the backbone to go and do something without him and leave him with the children, and do it on a 50/50 basis. So you both get time to yourselves.
Samanabanana · 08/07/2021 07:33

So many cool wives on this post Grin

Strugglingtodomybest · 08/07/2021 07:34

All these comments about how men like to drink after a match together are a bit off to me. Why can’t women enjoy the football too?

Exactly! As far as their enjoyment of football goes, they appear to be level, yet there are so many posters saying OP is being unreasonable simply because in their heads (drilled into them by society) man=football fan.

Loudestcat14 · 08/07/2021 07:35

Blimey, just let him watch it with his mates!

CandyLeBonBon · 08/07/2021 07:37

@dane8

Men with men where football concerned it’s more fun, not sat with your wife You could off watched it in your own! Did you want to watch it to stop him going out?
What a load of sexist guff.
midsomermurderess · 08/07/2021 07:40

God, poor man.

thisplaceisweird · 08/07/2021 07:41

Unlike most people on Mumsnet I want my husband to actually enjoy the things he likes and have fun. So I would have been pushing him out to the door to hang out with his friends and enjoy it to the fullest. You must know that he doesn't have as much fun watching with you than with people who are "properly into football".