AIBU to be pissed off DH went straight to celebrate with friends after the match?

[iamtherealelsa]

Regular poster but name changed for this one...
So DH has always been pretty into football. He's not massively bothered about following the usual league stuff but gets hugely excited for big tournaments. Tonight was a really big deal for him. We have watched a couple of the games of this tournament together so far, and a couple he has watched with a small group of friends who also happen to be neighbours, always at one particular neighbour's house.
I've never been that into it but have always watched the big games and tournaments and always always watched England. He knows this - we've been together for 17 years.
I said after we knew England had made it to the semis that I definitely wanted to watch it. We have two young DC and no babysitters at the moment (DM is our usual babysitter but she has a recently diagnosed spinal issue...whole other thread).
There was lots of umming and ahhing the last week about where he would be watching this one and I made it clear that I wanted to watch it and ideally didn't want to watch it alone! He said he would stay in but seemed a bit reluctant and to be honest I felt like he really didn't want to. I think he was only really doing it to make up for the fact that he went to the cinema this afternoon while I looked after both DC and DM's dog and he just didn't feel he was entitled to go out again today.
Anyway, he stayed in, we watched it together but as soon as the football finished he announced he was going for a 'celebratory beer' at his friend's house and was basically out the door before I knew what had happened. I'm really pissed off and think it was a bit shitty to just leave me to clear up, turn everything off and go to bed on my own while he went out to celebrate with the people he clearly wished he'd been with this whole time! I just feel a bit rejected and uninvolved which is possibly really pathetic.
AIBU to think he should have stayed to have that celebratory drink with me?

I'm baffled at these responses calling you controlling, OP. From what I read you didn't insist he stay home, he stayed home with you to watch it and then buggered off the moment it was done leaving you alone for the evening. I'm struggling to see why anyone would think you're being unreasonable to be upset.

Footballs always been a bit toxic in this way, that men should watch it with other men and women just get in the way. It's sad since you've said you enjoy it and enjoy watching it together with him. I'm sad he didn't see it as a mutual interest for you both.

Controlling would be where you demand he watch it with you, no questions asked or conversation to be had. What you asked for seemed reasonable to me.
I'd tell him it upset you tonight that he just upped and left knowing you and him could have had a nice night together. Or the least he could have done was ask you if you'd be alright with it.

Women on here say women are controlling. But how many women would be backed up for sodding off out and leaving the husband with the kids to go out and get drunk without a second thought? How many of us would even think to do that? I know I certainly wouldn't be so thoughtless to just leave DH alone when we were having a nice night together.

YANBU, I wouldn't have been happy either, especially as he'd already been out that afternoon.

I can see it from both sides but on balance I think you should have let him go watch it with his mates, it’s clearly what he wanted to do and only watched it with you out of obligation. You yourself said you’re not really into the football - he is and it was a really important game. Is he otherwise a good guy? Supportive partner? Pulls his weight? Might he have deserved a special night out with the boys to watch the game?

I get what you’re saying about being the default parent and feminism, sure but what if the situation were reversed? If it was something you were really keen on that he wasn’t really into and apply the same scenario.

I don’t know, I can’t just imagine hearing from my DP if one of his mates missed out watching the game because he had to stay home and watch it with his missus, I’d feel a bit sorry for him.

Relationships like yours seem miserable

YABU - needy and controlling.

I’m amazed at how nice you’ve been, OP, in the face of some really arsey comments.
I don’t think you’re at all unreasonable to mind a bit.

OP - I think you’ve had a name-change fail.

I can see both sides, too.

I fully understand that you thought you were having a nice evening, and then suddenly he’s buggering off.

But I can also totally understand wanting to celebrate. Situations like this are very much ‘the more the merrier’ - they just are.

Given you don’t have a baby-sitter, and that’s what’s stopping you from being able to do what your DH’s does, I agree with the PP who said you should try to angle to host some of the get-togethers at your place.

I think YABU to have basically forced him to stay in and watch the football with you when he didn't want to, but YANBU to be pissed off that he suddenly fucked off without warning.

Sounds like you need to find a decent baby sitter and both start doing more social stuff. I have no family near me so rely on friends or professional baby sitting services. It isn't as easy or convenient as using family, but it is better than never being able to do anything and ending up resenting each other for things like in your Op.

Sounds like you need to find a decent baby sitter and both start doing more social stuff. I have no family near me so rely on friends or professional baby sitting services. It isn't as easy or convenient as using family, but it is better than never being able to do anything and ending up resenting each other for things like in your Op.

Strongly agree with this.

YANBU. People in relationships are meant to like spending time with each other. Of course it's okay for you to want to watch the match with your DH and it was a bit mean for him to disappear so quickly.

Having small children means that sometimes parents miss out on stuff. Your DH seems to think that applies to you more than him.

LET IT go op

Men watching Euro 2020 games together has been attributed to part of the rise in Covid 19 cases (though the main cause is the worst Prime Minister in history, the misogynist immoral serial liar). YANBU to be upset.

Yabu!

as soon as the football finished he announced he was going for a 'celebratory beer' at his friend's house and was basically out the door before I knew what had happened

Jeez, people saying "let him go". This is the behaviour of an 18 yo, young free and single, walking out the door to go and play round his mate's house. Wouldn't it be lovely if the OP could just up and leave, not a care in the world, safe in the knowledge that the DH was sat there dutifully minding the DC.

Why do women have such low expectations of their menfolk in this day and age?

OP He's being a manchild and opting out of family life so easily. YANBU to be frustrated at his lack of consideration for you. He's taking you for granted.

* I think you should have let him go watch it with his mates, it’s clearly what he wanted to do and only watched it with you out of obligation. You yourself said you’re not really into the football *

^This. You ruined it for him

@SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy

Sounds like you need to find a decent baby sitter and both start doing more social stuff. I have no family near me so rely on friends or professional baby sitting services. It isn't as easy or convenient as using family, but it is better than never being able to do anything and ending up resenting each other for things like in your Op.

Strongly agree with this.

I agree with this but I bet 99% of the time this ever happens it will be the woman chasing around trying to get it organised. Depressing!

@drpet49

* I think you should have let him go watch it with his mates, it’s clearly what he wanted to do and only watched it with you out of obligation. You yourself said you’re not really into the football *

^This. You ruined it for him

Diddums.

(Said to the strains of the world's most minute violin playing in the background)

[quote FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]@tallduckandhandsome but by her own admission she's not even bothered about football.

I still wouldn't have taken my H out with my friends even if it meant he was on his own. It's ok just to be with friends. If a man was upset a woman didn't invite him out with her mates he'd be called all sorts.[/quote]
She says she and her DH are similar in how much they like and watch football. The point is the agreed to watch the footy together and have drinks etc.

just leave me to clear up, turn everything off and go to bed on my own
this is an issue? you sound like a petulant chid.

Of course he will have wanted to watch it with his mates. You should have just told him to enjoy the night with his friends when you’re not really into football. He did nothing wrong

I think yabu - last night was huge and no way l could get worked up by having to go to bed on my own because dh was rightly excited about the result. But l would have told him to go and watch it with his mates in the first place personally.

It’s not often this happens honestly op.

I wish my dp would go out with some friends sometimes and to watch the football. He's a mega football fan but not the social side of it so he always watches football at home! I'd love an evening to myself 😂

It doesn't sound that bad op. He watched the match with you then went for a drink after. Best of both worlds.

You sound like a right barrel of laughs OP. No wonder he buggared off straight after. I think you should've let him watch it with his mates.

Sounds to me like your projecting some other issue here.

Sounds like he did exactly what you wanted him to do op. Also sounds like he didn't really want to, but did it because you wanted him to. All about compromising which he did