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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off DH went straight to celebrate with friends after the match?

313 replies

iamtherealelsa · 07/07/2021 23:29

Regular poster but name changed for this one...
So DH has always been pretty into football. He's not massively bothered about following the usual league stuff but gets hugely excited for big tournaments. Tonight was a really big deal for him. We have watched a couple of the games of this tournament together so far, and a couple he has watched with a small group of friends who also happen to be neighbours, always at one particular neighbour's house.
I've never been that into it but have always watched the big games and tournaments and always always watched England. He knows this - we've been together for 17 years.
I said after we knew England had made it to the semis that I definitely wanted to watch it. We have two young DC and no babysitters at the moment (DM is our usual babysitter but she has a recently diagnosed spinal issue...whole other thread).
There was lots of umming and ahhing the last week about where he would be watching this one and I made it clear that I wanted to watch it and ideally didn't want to watch it alone! He said he would stay in but seemed a bit reluctant and to be honest I felt like he really didn't want to. I think he was only really doing it to make up for the fact that he went to the cinema this afternoon while I looked after both DC and DM's dog and he just didn't feel he was entitled to go out again today.
Anyway, he stayed in, we watched it together but as soon as the football finished he announced he was going for a 'celebratory beer' at his friend's house and was basically out the door before I knew what had happened. I'm really pissed off and think it was a bit shitty to just leave me to clear up, turn everything off and go to bed on my own while he went out to celebrate with the people he clearly wished he'd been with this whole time! I just feel a bit rejected and uninvolved which is possibly really pathetic.
AIBU to think he should have stayed to have that celebratory drink with me?

OP posts:
midsomermurderess · 08/07/2021 07:42

And what the hell is a 'cool eife' that some frankly odd women talk about on here?

midsomermurderess · 08/07/2021 07:42

'wife' obviously

OnTheBrink1 · 08/07/2021 07:43

Why on Earth should the OP have had to be at home alone to watch it? Because she is a woman and little women should be in their place with the kids whilst the men go out, get pissed, watch football and generally have a great social time?
They both equally wanted to watch it and both didn’t want to be alone to watch it so in no way was OP controlling but not ‘letting’ him see mates. He should have been considerate of her feelings too- if there is no baby sitter then why does that mean he gets to automatically go out and leave her?

thisplaceisweird · 08/07/2021 07:44

All these comments about how men like to drink after a match together are a bit off to me. Why can’t women enjoy the football too? I think it's more that OP admits she only watches the big important matches and isn't really a full time football fan. It's more commonly men that follow football closely so people are just talking from experience of their husbands enjoying it.

@midsomermurderess watch the monologue from Gone Girl. Although on Mumsnet it's anyone who actually likes their husband and wants them to have a good time.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 08/07/2021 07:46

A person behaves in a selfish manner as a grown adult, upsets his significant other, other objects= contolling.

This 'controlling' word is basically a shutdown used to excuse selfish behaviour.

What kind of a man who goes out at 1030pm to have a drink, he sounds like a one yr old. What a knob.

OnTheBrink1 · 08/07/2021 07:47

@Sexnotgender

I do hope you’re going to be the one going out and celebrating while he’s at home watching the kids during the final.
Exactly this! Arrange a drink with some of your mates on Sunday after the match and just up and leave to celebrate or commiserate
Sansaplans · 08/07/2021 07:48

He didn't really want to watch it with you in the first place (no offense), so the fact he did its reasonable to see his friend after. If you had also said you wanted to go see your friend and he said no I'm going I could see why you were annoyed he went as default, but that doesn't sound like what happened.

SD1978 · 08/07/2021 07:48

I'm not sure why OP is having such a hard time. She's watched the games up until now. Her husband has spent all afternoon out whilst she's had the kids and dog, she didn't want to watch it alone. Why is she controlling? I don't see the issue with him going out for a drink after necessarily but he should've helped clean up first!

spotcheck · 08/07/2021 07:48

@GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine

Isn't watching it together, then him celebrating with his mates afterwards a good compromise? Best of both worlds
Agree. You wanted to watch it with him, he clearly really wanted to go out Win win

🙂

OnTheBrink1 · 08/07/2021 07:48

@thisplaceisweird

All these comments about how men like to drink after a match together are a bit off to me. Why can’t women enjoy the football too? I think it's more that OP admits she only watches the big important matches and isn't really a full time football fan. It's more commonly men that follow football closely so people are just talking from experience of their husbands enjoying it.

@midsomermurderess watch the monologue from Gone Girl. Although on Mumsnet it's anyone who actually likes their husband and wants them to have a good time.

The OP actually said that they both only follow the big tournaments
KatherineJaneway · 08/07/2021 07:50

I dislike football but you should have left him watch the match with his mates. You admit you are not that into it.

NoProblem123 · 08/07/2021 07:51

You sound hard work. Maybe if you were more fun there wouldn’t have been an issue.

singlehun · 08/07/2021 07:51

He should have said he'd watch it with you but if they won he'd be going round then neighbors for drinks. I think it was the sudden ditching you that probably upset you the most.

Notonthestairs · 08/07/2021 07:52

@SD1978

I'm not sure why OP is having such a hard time. She's watched the games up until now. Her husband has spent all afternoon out whilst she's had the kids and dog, she didn't want to watch it alone. Why is she controlling? I don't see the issue with him going out for a drink after necessarily but he should've helped clean up first!
Agree with this. He'd been out presumably to watch the new marvel film (making a wild guess). A d presumably he'll be out Sunday evening...
Macncheeseballs · 08/07/2021 07:53

Time for a babysitter

Notonthestairs · 08/07/2021 07:54

@NoProblem123

You sound hard work. Maybe if you were more fun there wouldn’t have been an issue.
I think you mean she's AT hard work looking after the kids whilst he was at the cinema!
Rachie1973 · 08/07/2021 07:54

@midsomermurderess

And what the hell is a 'cool eife' that some frankly odd women talk about on here?
Oh it’s an insult, they throw it about if you really can’t be bothered about your DH watching footy without you/go drinking and getting sloshed/ and the worse crime of all... your DH might have female friends.

Cool wife is supposed to be belittling.

SmokeyDevil · 08/07/2021 07:54

So... Ops husband had already buggered off in the afternoon to the cinema, abandoning his duties of looking after his kids etc... And then wanted to do the same again at night, having a bit of a sulk that he couldn't, then as soon as it finished he was off like a shot, probably not to be seen for hours and will be hungover today so can't look after the kids again.

And so many of you think this is OK... Hmm.. No wonder you get walked all over by your partners and we see so many complaints of husbands not contributing if this is your attitude.

singlehun · 08/07/2021 07:54

I can't believe the number of people saying it's fine he chooses what he does and anything else is controlling. Fair enough if they didn't have kids I'd agree entirely but why should OP be the default parent stuck indoors while he gets to choose what he does.

He'd already been out to cinema, why did he choose to do that on semi final day?

What if she "chooses" to go out on Sunday? That okay?

Weirdwonders · 08/07/2021 07:56

@singlehun

I can't believe the number of people saying it's fine he chooses what he does and anything else is controlling. Fair enough if they didn't have kids I'd agree entirely but why should OP be the default parent stuck indoors while he gets to choose what he does.

He'd already been out to cinema, why did he choose to do that on semi final day?

What if she "chooses" to go out on Sunday? That okay?

He didn’t go out, he watched the match with her!
EmmaJR1 · 08/07/2021 07:57

I feel like the issue is that OP is the default stay at home care taker. No consideration given to her going out to watch and celebrate. Default position is dh going out.

No problem if that's just because this is his thing - big problem if it's all the time.

Dyrne · 08/07/2021 07:58

Ignore the posters that can’t read, OP. You’ve clearly said that both you and your DH have the same level of interest in football; and that your actual issue is that he always assumes he can go off and do what he likes as you’ll be there to be the default parent.

I think use this as a chance to build up your social life again - say to him you’re seeing friends on X date, so he’ll have to take responsibility for childcare. As PP says, look at local babysitting services in your area so you can do stuff together.

And of course it’s disappointing to be all keyed up and excited, wanting to discuss the match and maybe have a celebratory drink, but the person you love most in the world essentially turns to you and says “right, bored of your company now, I’m off to see someone fun”. Of course it’s then a letdown to have to round the evening off alone.

SmokeyDevil · 08/07/2021 08:01

He didn’t go out, he watched the match with her!

He did afterwards, and you're naive if you think he only had one drink. It was 10:30 when he legged it out of the house and a Wednesday, so he's probably not even working this week. Bet he had several beers, turned up home drunk and is now hungover so can't look after the kids a second day in a row. You alright with that too after being abandoned yesterday all day with kids?

HaveringWavering · 08/07/2021 08:05

@Mipapapequenaa

I think I'd feel pretty sad too. A bit of a shame he didn't ask if you wanted to join him for a drink with said neighbours or you could have all watched the game together?
Someone had to look after the children!
Paq · 08/07/2021 08:06

@NeilBuchananisBanksy

Op, Sunday tell him you have arranged to watch the football with some mates. Leave him to deal with the kids.
Yes!
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