Page 2 | to ask if you would like me as a colleague?

Taliskerskye · 03/07/2021 21:21

Well he said something so it’s obviously been noted. You work in a sociable type of job. You interact with the public. Retail is often quite friendly.
So you obviously give off an air of someone who doesn’t care much about being there or being with the staff. Christmas dinners for example,I cannot stand them but I go as part of a team.
If you don’t see yourself as part of a team, then I gently suggest you might be in the wrong job.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/07/2021 21:21

I wouldn't dislike you. I would just not care about you as it would look you don't too.
Retail and hospitality are shit with customers having a go at you for imaginary issues and having good team you can have bit of a banter, chat or just a company during break is what's keeping many sane.

Sunshinelover2 · 03/07/2021 21:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

WhoDidAndWhy · 03/07/2021 21:23

I don’t know - some of those things are reasonable and some come across as quite rude.

If you’re quiet, you’re quiet so not joining in on conversations is reasonable but if you sit reading your book at lunch when there’s one other person in the lunch room, for example, then that can be awkward. Why not join the WhatsApp group and mute it and keep an eye on it and contribute as needed? When leaving isn’t it just eye contact, smile and a wave or short “see you tomorrow” as you’re passing out the door? Collections are difficult but if everyone else is contributing I can see it being odd if you don’t.

If your leaving on time creates more work for the others then I can see that being an issue for them too. Do you have a partner to share pick ups and drop offs with?

There’s a difference between quiet, and rude, I think. Delicate balance.

Peeceandquite · 03/07/2021 21:24

I should have also added I wouldn't have a problem with you as a colleague or member of my team as long as you pulled your weight at work.

Twintwix · 03/07/2021 21:24

Your manager sounds like someone with an inflated sense of power. His "feedback" doesn't relate to what's he's paid to manage but he feels superior to you so can say what he likes as "feedback". I bet he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer and sometimes jobs have these idiots in management. So long as you are pleasant and courteous to people and do the hours you are paid for, that's all that matters. Don't know why people think you must contribute to collections - it's voluntary not a tax!

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 03/07/2021 21:25

I work in a school and we have fun WhatsApp groups for laughs and socials, but we also have official ones created by my head teacher that yes, we have to be part of. There were set up at the beginning of first lockdown so that urgent messages could be sent out with the minimum hassle to all staff.

Not contributing to collections seems petty - it’s generally £2 - £3.

A general “bye bye, see you tomorrow” to whom ever is available to hear would be nice.

Retail is quite an “up and smiley” situation generally so most people will naturally be a bit extrovert- although sitting chatting over lunchtime with people you spend a lot of time with isn’t really high up on the “professional extrovert”… it’s more just being friendly

A few tiny changes would make a big difference to those comments

Concestor · 03/07/2021 21:28

I'm quite introverted but I think you sound rude and unpleasant to work with. Not a team player is how I'd describe you and that's not good in retail especially. Would it kill you to be a bit more friendly?

KikiniBamalam · 03/07/2021 21:30

I disagree with all the points your manager raised

What are they even doing raising collection issues? It’s personal. As for whatsapp groups, f that.

TheSunShinesBrighter · 03/07/2021 21:31

I would like you a lot.
You say you do your job, are helpful and chat to others when you are working with them.
You honestly sound like the perfect workmate.
You don’t need to be a social butterfly or best friends with everyone.

KikiniBamalam · 03/07/2021 21:31

@zurala

I'm quite introverted but I think you sound rude and unpleasant to work with. Not a team player is how I'd describe you and that's not good in retail especially. Would it kill you to be a bit more friendly?

I think your post is fairly rude.

TheRebelle · 03/07/2021 21:32

I'm too quiet I don't join in conversations - you should probably try to join in but they should also try to include you if they can see you’re shy
I haven't made an effort to join the facebook messenger /whatapp groups - why are they needed for retail? I presume you can’t use them during working hours.

3.I always leave work on time sometimes without saying goodbye to my colleagues (told him I have to collect DD from childminder so don't have time to wait for colleagues to finish serving customers to say goodbye). - so they expect you to work extra hours for free? No thanks!

I don't go to any social events they have (only Christmas party) - I don’t mind going to Christmas parties but only so like g as they’re optional, if it’s mandatory I want to be paid for the time.
I don't socialise at lunchtime I sit reading my book - it’s your lunch time, why shouldn’t you relax how you see fit?
I don't contribute to collections (leaving, birthday etc) - neither do I, everyone I know hates these and my work recently voted not to do it anymore.

He does understand you go to work to make money, not because you just love being there?

Lavender24 · 03/07/2021 21:33

It all sounds fine apart from the collections part but I see you said there's a high staff turnover so I can understand that. You're there to work, not to be their best buddy. I'd much prefer to work with someone quiet and professional than with someone who talks constantly and distracts me. Oh and would I shite join a work group messenger chat. Urgh. Group chats stress me out and are always full of garbage.

TheSunShinesBrighter · 03/07/2021 21:33

@zurala

I'm quite introverted but I think you sound rude and unpleasant to work with. Not a team player is how I'd describe you and that's not good in retail especially. Would it kill you to be a bit more friendly?

This annoys me. If a person does their job well, is polite and friendly and helpful towards colleagues (the OP says she is) then how is she ‘not a team player’?

KikiniBamalam · 03/07/2021 21:33

@Sunshinelover2

Your manager is being inappropriate. He should be told as much.

Those are perfectly reasonable boundaries to draw for yourself. As long as your work is completed to a reasonable standard, you sound great to work with.

The chipping in for people thing gets beyond ridiculous when there are lots of people and finances vary - it's awkward as hell. My husband's work sets up a pot through an app so that people can anonymously donate to birthdays etc, or not at all, but nobody is singled out for not giving money.

I'm so sorry you were made to feel awkward, your manager sounds like he (or she) is asking you to give your money and extra unpaid time to 'fit in' more with the culture set up there - shouldn't be necessary and isn't legal.

Spot on

Heyyeahyouwiththesadface · 03/07/2021 21:33

Not contributing to collections seems petty - it’s generally £2 - £3

I wish I was brave enough to say no to collections. I put in for every single one, it averages around £90 a year but even more if someone is having a big birthday.
They all forgot my birthday in May -so I put in for everyone else but I didn’t even get a card!

OP I’d prefer you as a colleague than my one who feels the need to (over)share her sexual conquests & I hate the Christmas do.

KarmaViolet · 03/07/2021 21:33

I'd love you as a colleague. I can't stand the enforced lunchtime socialising - at places I've worked it's been a tedious parade of diet talk.

SmokeyDevil · 03/07/2021 21:35

I'd think you were a bit antisocial, but wouldn't dislike you. Would just try getting you to open up probably.

majesticallyawkward · 03/07/2021 21:36

I don't think I would dislike you at all OP, I don't work in retail anymore but when I did I was very similar. I'm fairly socially awkward and tend to avoid lots of chat, especially if it's a larger group but would chat if anyone spoke to me (I'm still the same now to be fair, I honestly just don't care about what we football match or reality tv, talk to me about a book I've read though and I'll talk your ear off).

I avoid collections, everyone knows that and I equally don't expect anything back. If I'm reading on a break most people know to just leave me be, I get really fatigued with lots of interaction. This understanding took a while to reach though.

As long as you're polite I don't see an issue.

Re leaving- if you don't get paid for staying late why would you stay? If others choose to that's their choice but I'm sure other people with commitments would also be out the door on time and you'd be being told not to interrupt someone serving if you butted in to say goodbye!

KikiniBamalam · 03/07/2021 21:36

@Heyyeahyouwiththesadface

Not contributing to collections seems petty - it’s generally £2 - £3

I wish I was brave enough to say no to collections. I put in for every single one, it averages around £90 a year but even more if someone is having a big birthday.
They all forgot my birthday in May -so I put in for everyone else but I didn’t even get a card!

OP I’d prefer you as a colleague than my one who feels the need to (over)share her sexual conquests & I hate the Christmas do.

Outrageous! I wouldn’t give a penny more.

accentdusoleil · 03/07/2021 21:36

Your manager needs to learn how to manage different types of people.

As long as you're doing your work then you're a good employee / colleague in my eyes

HalzTangz · 03/07/2021 21:37

To be honest it seems you are aloof.

You don't have to stand at a till to say bye, but you could wave goodbye as you pass by.
Collections I personally think should be capped at £1 per person, or even better scrapped completely.

Night outs are optional, if your not being paid then you shouldn't have to attend unless you want to.

You mention you chat if only 2 of you are on shift, does that mean if 3 or more are working you don't bother chatting at all.

I would also join the messenger or WhatsApp group and drop in the odd comment now and again. Even if just once a week. But I'd do this whilst on lunch during 'working hours' and not my personal free time.

I would also think colleagues have all mentioned this to your manager for them to raise it with you.

Start chatting more,chip in a quid,and drop the odd comment. Then they cat say jack shit at your next review

GoWalkabout · 03/07/2021 21:37

Its just social skills. It makes the world go round and will build relationships that will support you when you need a favour or something difficult happens. Make an effort to be more personable at the beginning middle and end of shifts. If you think you might unintentionally seem frosty, try to make eye contact and use more non verbal communication. Say do you mind if I just put a pound in this time because I am on a tight budget. If they say no then say I'm sorry I don't have it - I'm going to opt out of collections and don't expect anything for myself of course. Continue to do as you like on your lunch break etc and nights out, social media.

Sunflowers095 · 03/07/2021 21:37

retail/customer service is quite a social environment, it's polite to make an effort every now and again in conversations
Facebook messenger /whatapp groups - possibly people are talking about related things on there sometimes? I would join so you're a part of it, you don't have to have notifications on

3.I always leave work on time sometimes without saying goodbye to my colleagues - why can't you just say a general "bye' or a wave or anything?

I don't go to any social events they have (only Christmas party) - nothing wrong with that to be fair
I don't socialise at lunchtime I sit reading my book - nothing wrong with that, but maybe you come across as very unapproachable?
I don't contribute to collections (leaving, birthday - I would contribute especially if you get birthday gifts from other collections yourself. Even if it's small amounts like £0.50p

I think the issue is that while individually these behaviours are ok, everything about your behaviour makes it seem like you're very unapproachable/not interested in the people you work with at all. If everyone behaved like this it wouldn't probably be a very nice atmosphere/work environment, it's always nice to make a little bit of effort where you can.

Notaroadrunner · 03/07/2021 21:37

@Chihuahuacat

Also not contributing to collections is a bit rude.

No it's not. These collections should not be done in the first place. And I doubt op expects anything when her birthday comes around. @user908898 YANBU. The other colleagues have little to be worried about if they have been commenting to your boss about you. You are free to socialise how you wish and with who you wish, out of hours. As for being on a work whatsapp - no thanks!