Is parenting really that bad?

[doesparentingsuck]

NC for this but there seems to be a lot of threads lately about motherhood and regrets and how people love their kids but hate being a mother.

I appreciate that you are more likely to post negativity than express happiness especially on a forum - but I honestly just don't understand why people are that dissatisfied with being parents and then go on to have more children.

Is it really that bad, really? I'm asking too because Im worried about TTC and can't work out if this is going to be a love or hate for me.

Is it the circumstances around the situation (ie lack of money/time to oneself) perhaps that make people hate it as opposed to being a mother/father?

Or even if they had all the support and things you wanted is it still something so many people would hate?

@AliceW89 honestly, im expecting the first five years to be hell on earth. But I still want to do it, something is telling me it's the right decision.

Don't have kids of this is how you think. The first 3 years of a child's like shape them emotionally. If you are hating it it will have an impact on them.

If you don't think you can be the best parent a child deserves then don't make one. (Not perfect, no one but feel you can be damn good at it )

@spanielstail

**I've never felt any magic or reward .

17 years of misery and counting.

My mental health is shot and I'll never have a day of peace again because I worry all the time.

I hate being a parent.

I do love my child and I work hard to shield them from all this but it must have an effect.**

When I read things like that it makes me wonder if the experience was vastly different to what you planned when you were trying for a baby. Does your husband feel the same about your child (e.g. you can set each other off saying how hard it is)

I wasn't trying, was taking precautions.

Partner is a good father, very very supportive, involved and hands on and says he enjoys it.

You can’t fully prepare yourself beforehand, it’s one of those things you just leave to learn through experience. To begin with it feels overwhelming, I’d argue for the majority of people regardless of age and socioeconomic situation. It is just hard and relentless when they’re newborns and it puts a strain on every relationship too because you’re both just totally exhausted.

A lot of it depends on your personal temperament as well as your child’s. Some children are more wilful than others, shall we say so they’re in turn, more testing. I have 5 DC and find my DS’s are all completely manageable and behave 99% of the time but DD’s are a different story. One of my DD’s has been quite difficult since she was born, has mellowed out a lot in recent years thankfully but still has her moments and her ‘moments’ are just not manageable. She still has tantrums like a toddler sometimes despite being 10 years old, I don’t think her temper will ever change. 9 year old DD can be the same at times although less frequently. I’m an incredibly patient person so it takes a lot for me to lose it but I have been known to at times because it can just be incredibly exhausting and testing. You love them more than anything but they’re capable of pushing your buttons in a way no one else will ever be.

@MissChanandlerBong90

I think it depends on many things - some of them slightly predictable (although not entirely) like the amount of money you have, how much family support you have, your job, your personality, where you live and how supportive your partner is (although actually that last one isn’t very predictable at all); and some of them very unpredictable like the child(ren) you get, what kind of birth you have, their health and personalities, your health, your partner’s health, etc. It also depends to some extent on timing - I have a two year old and love parenting now but I hated the newborn stage, especially after a traumatic birth. And I’m yet to discover what parenting a 5 year old, or a pre-teen, or a teenager is like.

It’s a lottery. Which is true of many choices in life but parenthood is one of the few things you can’t reverse.

I think it’s a good thing that women are talking about it so openly though.

Agree with every word of this

I absolutely love my children to bits and I don't regret them at all, but fuck me it's hard work.

Some days are brill but most of the time I'm just a slave. From the minute I get up I am running around getting food, wiping arses, trying to get the baby to sleep, listening to my eldest whingeing and kicking off about everything, baby crying because I'm not holding her every single second. Some days I could jump out of a window.

There is almost no time to yourself, and while that doesn't sound that bad, it really is. It is so hard not being able to haves piss in peace, to eat your lunch without a child on your knee trying to eat all of your food. You then get a couple of hours to yourself at night if you are lucky. The whole things is just really hard.

On the other hand, it is just the most amazing experience. I love them more than anything in the world and would do anything for them. I'm so proud of them for every little thing that they do. When they're not whingeing, we have such a lovely day and great experiences.

I'd say it's 70% really hard and 30% nice happy times.

@spanielstail I don't need you or anyone else to tell me don't have kids or do, thank you,

What about all those mothers thinking it'll be all roses and then getting a nasty shock should they not have had kids either?

Not better to have low expectations and be pleasantly surprised than the opposite?

[quote doesparentingsuck]@spanielstail I don't need you or anyone else to tell me don't have kids or do, thank you,

What about all those mothers thinking it'll be all roses and then getting a nasty shock should they not have had kids either?

Not better to have low expectations and be pleasantly surprised than the opposite?[/quote]
Probably is better to have low expectations, but don't hope that it will end up actually fine. Expect the worse, the absolute worse. If you can cope with that, go ahead.

@SmokeyDevil yes agree, no nasty surprises that way!

Or less surprises - I'm sure they'll still be many 🤣

I found the baby years really miserable. Our eldest wouldn't sleep for longer than 2 hours at a stretch until she was 2.5 and we had DD2 when DD1 was 20 months. I think I was just in shock - I hadn't really spent much time around other babies and I just felt like my life was over, I was very unhappy (PND) and DH was incredibly grumpy due to lack of sleep and constant crying (me and the babies!)

However, it got SO much easier as they got older and could communicate and sleep better. They're now 12 and 14 and I think this has been my favourite stage so far. DD1 is just like me, we like the same TV shows, reading and debating and DD2 is Mummy's little shadow, and is happy doing whatever, as long as she can do it with me - I love these girls so much! DH is much more chilled out these days too. He's a fabulous Dad and the girls love him. All 4 of us love spending family days out together - I hope they don't go off them as they get older (but I'm sure they will!)

I agree with PP saying if you're on the fence then don't have children. Once they're here, you can't send them back! Definitely try and get some proper, hands on experience first, so at least you have some idea of what's to come. Good luck!

I love being a parent OP, i love my daughter more than anything and can't imagine not having her, she's so much fun, gives the best cuddles and kisses and is so loving.
I do have a very hands on husband and she has been an easy child.
No regular help but family can babysit for us to have a night out, we could also afford nursery full time as i wanted to work with i think helped, i got bored during mat leave.
Good luck