To think she's BU about DSS clothes?

[Kitten1230]

I've name changed in case she's on here.

DSS is 15. He stays here from Friday afternoon until Monday before school EOW and more in the holidays. I usually wash uniform on the Friday so it's dry (although he does have shirts and trousers here so it wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't).

I then wash his clothes he's worn over the weekend on the Monday/tuesday and I put them away for him. If he's here in the holiday, he goes home in clean clothes and j still wash the clothes he's worn over the weekend.

His mum messaged and said that we shouldn't be ‘keeping’ his clothes as she has payed for them (although some clothes DP has payed for are at hers). When he's off school he wears whatever to go back home and it doesn't matter if we've payed for them.

Are we BU?

Thanks for clarifying he comes and goes in his uniform.
It is difficult unless you have separate clothes at your house and he keeps his DM's at home, I know it is a hassle for everybody or just make sure he collects his belongings on a Sunday night his DM can meet him before school.
It is probably a financial burden for her.

It sounds very petty and spiteful of her. I hate this behaviour. The DM of my DSC initially refused to let them take any clothes to their dad's so they found themselves in his house the first weekend with only their uniforms. He took them to the local shopping centre on the Saturday morning but they were too embarrassed to get out of the car in their school uniforms so he had to take a list in and tackle the teenage clothes shops himself. .

@Bridezillamaybe

It sounds very petty and spiteful of her. I hate this behaviour. The DM of my DSC initially refused to let them take any clothes to their dad's so they found themselves in his house the first weekend with only their uniforms. He took them to the local shopping centre on the Saturday morning but they were too embarrassed to get out of the car in their school uniforms so he had to take a list in and tackle the teenage clothes shops himself. .

Because their father hadn’t had the forethought that his children would need to wear clothes?

Well, I can see how it would be easier if they arrived with one set of clothes to go clothes shopping in. Teens can be tricky to just buy for without trying anything on or knowing different brands or what might fit. DS 15yo can wear age 13 shorts but needs a 26/30 or 32 in men's jeans as the children's ones are too big, for example.

so they found themselves in his house the first weekend with only their uniforms

But what did he think they'd be wearing? He would know that their wardrobes and drawers were empty.

I think I'd just reply "he's 15, I don't dress him."
Really not your problem what clothes he keeps where.

@Bridezillamaybe

It sounds very petty and spiteful of her. I hate this behaviour. The DM of my DSC initially refused to let them take any clothes to their dad's so they found themselves in his house the first weekend with only their uniforms. He took them to the local shopping centre on the Saturday morning but they were too embarrassed to get out of the car in their school uniforms so he had to take a list in and tackle the teenage clothes shops himself. .

Why hadn’t he already bought them clothes? It’s not their mums responsibility to provide clothes for when they’re at their dads house.

Oh yawn how predictable are the replies. He thought they'd come with some clothes that they owned, at least one outfit. He would have bought them those anyway. It was their first weekend with him. They packed their overnight bags then their mum took them back out of spite. They then found themselves with only their school uniforms over the weekend to go to the shops in cue three upset girls in the back seat of the car refusing to get out so he had to shop alone with a list.

Are you all suggesting he should have shopped for clothes for teenage girls in advance and alone?

@Theworldisquiethere they are teenagers not little kids.

If you want to piss of a teenager take away stuff that they think is theirs that you brought for them.

@Bridezillamaybe

Oh yawn how predictable are the replies. He thought they'd come with some clothes that they owned, at least one outfit. He would have bought them those anyway. It was their first weekend with him. They packed their overnight bags then their mum took them back out of spite. They then found themselves with only their school uniforms over the weekend to go to the shops in cue three upset girls in the back seat of the car refusing to get out so he had to shop alone with a list.

Are you all suggesting he should have shopped for clothes for teenage girls in advance and alone?

Maybe he could have spoken to his children and asked them what clothes they would like, asked them to send links to the shops they like etc, total mountain out of a molehill.

[quote RedMarauder]@Theworldisquiethere they are teenagers not little kids.

If you want to piss of a teenager take away stuff that they think is theirs that you brought for them.[/quote]
It’s not taking it away from them, it’s allowing them to have more access. 26 days of the month instead of 4.

It depends on her budget.

@Highfive2021 or maybe she could not have spitefully taken the clothes back at the last minute leaving them feeling exposed and humiliated in their uniforms on the weekend. He bought those clothes in the first place and he replenished their wardrobes so they have plenty in both houses.

@Bridezillamaybe it's puzzling though. Didn't he wonder where their clothes were on the Friday night? They could have gone straight to the shops after school. I can imagine a parent getting to the end of their tether and forcing the other to take some responsibility for their children.

[quote RedMarauder]@Theworldisquiethere they are teenagers not little kids.

If you want to piss of a teenager take away stuff that they think is theirs that you brought for them.[/quote]
I think you misunderstood my comment

You have him 2 days out of 14, her 12 out of 14. Clothes she paid for should not be sitting at your house unused the vast majority of the time.

Of course she is not being unreasonable, you are!

@claralara42

You have him 2 days out of 14, her 12 out of 14. Clothes she paid for should not be sitting at your house unused the vast majority of the time.

Of course she is not being unreasonable, you are!

It is actually nothing to do with the OP as she isn't the child's parent.

It is for the child's parents to sort out between them.

As the child is a teenager it is actually for him to sort out. If his mum wants a particular item of the his clothing then she should ask him to bring it back not his dad.

It is actually nothing to do with the OP as she isn't the child's parent

This is always trotted out and it's always bullshit. OP knows it has to do with her, or she wouldn't be posting.

It’s tricky all around!

It sounds like his Mum is being petty in this situation, as it seems like DSS is going home with the same sort of thing as he came with, albeit different items, and school uniform to wear on Monday. It’s tricky when you don’t know where everything is, but if your dss is 15 he should be looking after his stuff pretty much independently.

My dd is 12 and is basically in control of her own clothes, kit etc. She does her own washing at exh’S but not here. That’s obviously an individual choice for the parent - I don’t think she trusts that exh would do it, and wouldn’t dream of making it step mum’s problem. I prefer to do one wash of everyone’s clothes in the same colours etc here, rather than having her tie up the washing machine! It’s not a bad life lesson to be able to do it though.

Ds is 7, and it does get frustrating when his things aren’t here, especially as exh tends to “collect” his school uniform which I’ve bought by bringing him home at the wrong times etc (eg collecting him from school and then bringing him here in home clothes when he was meant to drop at school the next day - if this happens enough times I’ve got no uniform here!)

For some pps- The way Dd got exh to buy her clothes is to put them in the basket in his H&M account and then just let him check them out!

She does the same here too when she can be bothered - neither of us really likes going around the shops either for ourselves or kids!

I hate when parents argue about this it is the child's clothing, if a guy has paid maintenance has he not contributed to the purchase of the clothes if the maintenance is part of the household pot?

My ex never paid a penny.

Sorry posted tooo soon.

My ex never paid a penny of maintenance and I had to buy everything for the DC.

So he didn’t contribute to clothes at all

That's sad but nothing to do with what the op is talking about.

@Rebornagain no he hasn’t. He’s contributed to his share of what the child needs while he/ she is away from him. He’s still got to buy stuff for at his own house, and in particular make the effort to get the things that the child needs (not just the money side).

Same if a woman is nrp obviously! (Not as common but because of the way you phrased it)

It’s not just bung the ex wife the bare minimum maintenance as assume she’ll sort out clothes for both houses.

Now I’m not saying the OP’s husband / partner is doing this at all, I’m just answering your point.

There’s give and take - and fundamentally of course the clothes belong to the child. But neither party should feel like they are forever buying clothes that just disappear. Again not saying this is the OP’s situation.