To ask what's occurring in your local Facebook group?

[PeonyTimez]

It's all kicking off on ours! A local counsellor has put up access only signs on local roads that people use to avoid the massive traffic jams on the one main road out of the village. If you don't use the local roads you can be sitting in traffic for 45 mins.

This morning villagers sat in the street to stop people using the road, it's split the community! up in arms they are!

What's happening in yours ?

So the local private schools are just starting to break up and we have a plethora of late teens offering services for over the summer. The services offered seem to be light gardening, dog walking, baby sitting (but note they couldn’t guarantee to be available at weekends). Every Single One tells us, as evidence of their bona fides and general suitability for light household chores where they go to school, what they got in their GCSE’s and what they are predicted in their A levels. Gee, that’s useful, as I’m not having my dog walked by someone with lower than a Grade 8 GCSE. It’s so funny because of course this is their only “currency” and there seems to be a disconnect in not realising that what I want for someone to cut my hedge cash in hand is an ability to actually know how to cut a hedge, rather than someone who is predicted all A*s in their A levels and hoping to go to Durham.

In other news, a local man has been arrested in Central London while dressed as a strawberry.

What goes in orange @almondcroissantandtea It’s great if you have big garden to put these bins but round here most have to keep 3bins ugly bins out front. I got rid of grey as no garden waste

Teenager mooned an elderly lady, she laughed it off while everyone else is saying it's sexual assault.

Had to name change for this as it's super outing!

This has bene an ongoing saga for a few years now - the village bench on the green first had cushions put on it, and randomly rotated - no one knew who.

At some point (after I moved out but still had technophobe relatives there) the cushions were replaced by a panda. Then two. Then three.

Over the last month or two, they have gone missing at various points, someone stole them back from a neighbouring village, and then a facebook post war/insult slang started with a different neighbouring village.

The pandas are still MIA.
People are still in uproar about it.

Someone commented about how perhaps it wasn't the worst because the bench was now available for actual people to sit on.

Cue suspicion and further outrage!

For my estate, it's the standard dog poo brigade, ring doorbell people, hermes parcels not arrived, a fight for wheelie bins rather than just bags... nothing spectacular!

A big fight on oyrs between drug dealer and girlfriend.

Dealer is being raided and blaming her.

He's shouting you're a crackhead

She's shouting you're a crackhead (( im humming fairytale of new york))

Females friend is waving a golf club round and a pissed bloke is trying to intervene but also stay out of it.

Then there's two blokes pleading with them not to touch their car. They eventually drive off.

There's even a ballerina jump, it really does have it all.

Best bit is videos of the raid have now gone up because it took them 45 minutes to get in

@Kakiweewee

Moaning about GP and dentist appointments.

And talking about the cactus lady.

You must live in the same town as me, tho I hadn't seen this 😂😂

People with cardboard homemade signs saying ‘SLOW DOWN’ and ‘THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN’ have been standing by the country road that goes through their village.

I doubt any cars went slow enough to read them. They are all country speed nutters around here.

The pandas are still MIA. Wow, I hope they are OK. In our local park the park benches are set on fire as soon as they are put up. Panda’s would have no chance.

I live in SW London so it's usually 'was that a car backfiring or guns?'

@BeckyWithTheCurls

Fly tipping on ours, which I don’t mind.

Also, the ‘how long does it take to get through to the GP’ - usually on a Monday ffs!

Nothing that exciting currently!

I don't see the problem with the GP Q. My partners had a lump in his armpit for 3 weeks now and keeps getting rejected by the receptionists despite knowing that men can get breast cancer.

The usual.
Dog poo, no masks in Tesco, which bin goes out today, GP phonelines.
So boring.
I love it when there's a drama!

Ours is on repeat. Why is there a helicopter hovering, why is the road infrastructure not fit for purpose. Too many houses and poor roads............which you fecking knew when you moved there.........lost dog- and judging owners as the dog is on the same FB page regularly, why are the police out, and is the local covid testing centre busy.....

Poster: Why does the ice cream van come round late blasting circus music at the level of a pneumatic drill when I am trying to sleep.

Responses: Get a grip.

Poster: Kids don't need ice cream at that time and everyone should go to the shop and buy sweets etc during the day.

Reponses: get a grip.

Poster: But I'm disabled with (list of ailments) and I'm just trying to sleep. I get ripped out my slumber wracked with agony by that awful circus music. It's like having a rock concert in my garden.

A story in the local newspaper about a pub being warned for flouting Covid rules by having a live band play on the roof when it was banned.

Responses: Everyone needs to calm down, get a grip and have fun.

I forgot to mention that the disabled man accused the ice cream man of being a drug dealer!

"Does anyone know what that helicopter was doing overhead last night ?"
"Does anyone recognise this dog?"

The same as it is every end of June/beginning of July: “fireworks should be banned” vs “the best thing about Independence Day is the fireworks”.

Lots of self congratulatory back slapping over their recent 'beat racism and be inclusive' awareness campaign (home made fliers, a table in the middle of the village, stamp out racism slogans posturing and white noise). Peopled entirely by white middle class folk who regularly post to warn others that there are 'foreign looking men' driving through the village supposedly looking out for opportunities to rape and pillage.
Breathtakingly embarrassing and hypocritical.
Normal service was resumed after this ONE DAY of being inclusive, but the self congratulatory back pats and virtue signalling (it was all VERY WELL photographed and all over social media) will keep the villagers warm until at least 2024.

Endless posts saying how lovely it is that the council have allowed the grass verges to grow wild, encouraging bees and insects. Equal number of posts outraged that council have let grass verges grow wild.

Oh gawd, we also have Eastern European looking men who are looking to steal children and/or dogs, they may set out to target you by writing a secret code in chalk outside your house

People have been saying that there are Men stopping people in the street asking questions about peolple's dogs (presumably with a view to stealing them). Also new puppy's are being stolen from houses not long after birth. For this reason my DD13 won't be walking our dog alone, at least for a while.

Dog poo.
Can anybody recommend a decent plumber who doesn't get the arm in?
Dog poo.
Antisocial little shits breaking glass/stealing toddler bikes and riding around on them like circus clowns/swearing at people/shattering the bus shelters.
Dog poo.
Queues for the recycling centre.
Dog poo.
Cat poo.

Dunno, got myself banned.

Travellers have pitched up on our town’s council-owned playing field.

Hell has broken loose on FB.

@TheSockMonster

‘Official’ Facebook page for the middle class residents of our nearest village:

• Dog poo (often with photos)
• Memorial procession for a gentleman who died recently
• Various wholesome community projects
• More dog poo

More interesting unofficial page for people who like to WRITE IN CAPITALS and carnt spel nuffink rite:

• Ongoing hysteria over how often local businesses should be allowed to tout their wares and policing of this
• Missing cats (usually turn up after 20 minutes)
• Missing teenagers (usually turn up within the hour)
• Weekly rantings of batshit crazy woman who despairs that people are walking around on the pavements WITHOUT MASKS and THIS IS WHY WE WILL BE IN LOCKDOWN FOREVER

I started using the Nextdoor app during lockdown to connect with our neighbours from nearby farms and hamlets. My feed reads like a series of abridged Alan Bennett monologues.

Yes! When the admins of a local group here (rightly) intervened regarding racist comments, someone set a separate group with different admins and you can be as racist as you like there apparently.

Excellent thread OP. 👏🏻

Moaning (and even a petition!) about a local 6th form introducing a smart dress code, people are really upset!