To ask what's occurring in your local Facebook group?

[PeonyTimez]

It's all kicking off on ours! A local counsellor has put up access only signs on local roads that people use to avoid the massive traffic jams on the one main road out of the village. If you don't use the local roads you can be sitting in traffic for 45 mins.

This morning villagers sat in the street to stop people using the road, it's split the community! up in arms they are!

What's happening in yours ?

The pcso has now chimed in with the fact that the local police are far too busy to be enforcing the access only signs. People are now very upset that people not listening to the signs won't get 3 points on their licence

*We don't need any more eateries/nail salons/barbers. We need a soft play centre (god knows where - all the buildings are small shop units)
*where can I get a PFIZER jab
*family fun day in july

We have got travellers in the town, been here since Saturday so the group has gone into meltdown...some saying lock up everything you own then others calling them racist.

Great one today. A lady took to Facebook to rant about an out of control dog and his owner (known only as The Man in Red). The dog apparently jumped up at her while she was jogging and ripped her leggings. Despite speaking to TMIR at the time, she felt Facebook was an appropriate place to ask him to come forward and give her £90 to replace her leggings.

Later on her OH posted the same thing. There have also been many parodies, pisstakes and questions since then. Trying to keep up with them before they get deleted.

Lots of people asking for recommendations.
I love how wherever you are everyone has all the same things
Dog poo
Lost cat/found cat
Local kids being hooligans
Parcel dramas
Parking grumbles.

The only slightly interesting things are :CCTV pictures of a man who tried to steal some bees.
:Someone who lives next to a pub moaning about kids screeching in the beer garden.
:A man got his car keyed.
:Local drug dealer got raided by the police this morning.
:someone has put a warning up about a speed camera which always sets people off arguing because some people think speeding drivers deserve what they get and shouldn't be warned.

I really loved the old men falling out of bed because of bolognese shock and the lady attacking a man with a stolen cactus!

Fly tipping
Free toys/cardboard boxes/random crap
Wandering cats
Fly tipping
And some woman who never seems to buy anything but is always asking for stuff.. fancy dress/loan of a unicycle/pieces of hardboard/apples..
And more fly tipping ☹️

@FartleBarfle

This was a couple of years ago now but still makes me laugh. We are a new estate tagged onto a small village. A lot of comments appeared talking about suspicious looking people walking around, which was hard to quantify in a new estate with lots of people moving in. It sent a few people loopy, and they kept offering to do an unofficial neighbourhood watch and patrol the area. Then there were reports and photos about more suspicious looking people, wearing hoodies, hanging around the houses, behaving weirdly. Turned out it was all these vigilantes following and taking pics of each other 🤣 the last straw was someone uploaded a photo of two people that were looking and acting weirdly - another poster said - that's my parents come to visit, they just went for a walk!

This is absolute gold! 😂

Someone is feeding the tethered horses cheese. Not sure why people tether horses on open land when someone could hurt/steal them/dogs around but now someone is feeding them cheese. Go figure.

Does anyone know the number for the Hermes guy?

Kids on summer hols drinking down the river/up the woods and smashing glass. Big debate over whether they're feral wee shite or let them be kids

Hundreds of sunset pics from local beach

Local gossip found a deer leg at loch, dogs must have ripped it to shreds.
Control your dogs! (It was roadkill sadly).

Hippy shit like laughter yoga or primal screaming workshops.

How dare tourists park at beach car park. To be fair, it's so busy that locals can't get in.

@Firevixen

Lol @ Megan markle stealing a bench 😂😂

On ours, lots of people complaining that the council have not been cutting the grass verges (for wildlife) and that it's making the town look shabby!

There has also been a bolognese incident. Apparently a bunch of youths have been throwing bolognese through open windows at night, ruining everyone's curtains and making old men fall out of bed in shock.

😂 .. a bolognese incident..

FartleBarfle

We have had a new estate built on the edge of our market town. There are always a lot of grumbles everytime something gets vandalised or there's fly tipping about how everything has gone downhill since all the new people moved in.

Local by election coming up. The mods are only permitting political posts supporting one party, and deleting all the others, so the opposition has taken to complaining about the number of leaflets posted through doors by that party, the waste of paper etc. Someone’s had 27 from one candidate, they've posted a picture of all 27 lined up.

• Dave has lost his bank card, possibly in the library, the Co-Op or the men's' public loo

• Audrey has found a baby hedgehog under her bush and needs some advice

• The binmen seem to have forgotten to collect from half the village

• There's dog shit all over the pavement by the school again and Carly wheeled the fu&*ing pram through it.

• The traffic lights on Fore Street are stuck on red and everyone is getting tetchy.

I hadn't joined one so I joined mine after reading this then unjoined after 5 minutes because despite them saying no spamming and advertising it was full of adverts lightly disguised as "I really recommend x shop" "look at my wonderful takeaway from y shop". Full of people wanting to part me from my money rather than discuss local stuff.

It seems the whole town collectively shat itself this afternoon when the government tested a phone alert system.

At the moment it's all about a certain England player who is from our village. His whole family live here. Usually it's about dog shit or digging up roads or arguing about whether we live in a village or a small town

Can we see some of the £9 doughnut memes please?

Around 3-4 years ago we had rat gate. A woman locally kept having food go missing from her kitchen worktop. She blamed her kids, and when putting them to bed one night she realised this mystery visitor had stolen some bread.
Loads of people in our group got involved, she eventually set up a camera and live streamed her empty kitchen and then this huge fucking rat turns up, comments go wild and we're all sitting there a cold winter evening watching this creature devour what she'd left out.

It made the papers (The Mirror) and someone set up a gofundme page to help with getting rid of it.

Everyone seemed to be talking about it.

Someone's parked on a corner in my estate. It's caused quite a stir

@singlehun

Can we see some of the £9 doughnut memes please?

Seconded!

@Itsmeeloise how many kids can a soft play hold if it's just a small shop? 😂

Last month there was uproar that the 'travellers' had taken over the library car park until it turned out it was the mammogram unit

Lost dog
Most needed items for the food bank
List keys
Found keys (sadly not the lost ones)
Loads of vaccine stuff
Oh and a found dog bootie!

We're all getting a fourth full sized wheelie bin each in our council area. Well now have green, blue, grey and brown. Outrage.

Missing cat found

Who's the cheapest man with a van

Photos of the nice rainbow last night

The man who pissed on someone's gate left her a box of chocolates in the nearby local shop to say sorry. She caught him and went crazy, he was drunk at the time and too frightened to apologise in person the next day.

‘Official’ Facebook page for the middle class residents of our nearest village:

• Dog poo (often with photos)
• Memorial procession for a gentleman who died recently
• Various wholesome community projects
• More dog poo

More interesting unofficial page for people who like to WRITE IN CAPITALS and carnt spel nuffink rite:

• Ongoing hysteria over how often local businesses should be allowed to tout their wares and policing of this
• Missing cats (usually turn up after 20 minutes)
• Missing teenagers (usually turn up within the hour)
• Weekly rantings of batshit crazy woman who despairs that people are walking around on the pavements WITHOUT MASKS and THIS IS WHY WE WILL BE IN LOCKDOWN FOREVER

I started using the Nextdoor app during lockdown to connect with our neighbours from nearby farms and hamlets. My feed reads like a series of abridged Alan Bennett monologues.