Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate it when people bang on about how they didnt need to 'try' to conceive

179 replies

SunflowerOwl · 27/06/2021 16:57

Two pregnancy announcements from friends this weekend have included a comment along the lines of 'we were so shocked that it happened straight away!'.

I'm pregnant myself so it's not a jealousy thing but I just dont understand why that detail needs to be shared with others, especially as you've no idea how difficult others found it.

Am I just being a sour cow or is this becoming more of a thing?

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 27/06/2021 17:01

Its highly competitive personally I never had to try to get pregnant it happened very quickly each time I dont brag because I know people who struggle and I don't want to hurt peoples feelings

DrSbaitso · 27/06/2021 17:02

It's boastful, but it's also not true a lot of the time.

Thelnebriati · 27/06/2021 17:04

It's always been a thing, hasn't it? I think its common for people to feel shocked and get cold feet when they find out they are pregnant, even when they are trying to conceive. So maybe it did feel like a shock. why aren't they allowed to say that?

I don't think one comment is bragging, and I'm getting increasingly weary of the constant policing of speech.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 27/06/2021 17:04

a comment along the lines of 'we were so shocked that it happened straight away!'.

That's hardly 'banging on' is it? Confused

They are just sharing their news and shock and happiness, I wouldn't think twice about it.

Bumblenums1234 · 27/06/2021 17:05

We'd given up trying after 7 years when I fell pg with DS. We had lots of stuff planned that we had to cancel with people so I thought it was the decent thing to do to tell them we hadn't been actively trying as we hadn't. I don't think it is disregarding the 7 years of heartache, just how it happened.

kindaclassy · 27/06/2021 17:07

It's just something people say, if they really are your friends, it's not worth even thinking about it.

DroopyClematis · 27/06/2021 17:09

Sometimes people just say how it is for them. It's not necessarily bragging or insensitive.
Sometimes conception has been a complete surprise.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/06/2021 17:09

I clicked YABU. I came off the pill and got pregnant immediately and to be honest it really fucked with my head, my life changed overnight with no chance to really think about it or get used to the idea. I cried every day in my first pregnancy, looking back I probably had some pre natal depression or something. And it made it harder that I couldnt really talk to anyone about it, other people I knew that were having babies had had years of IVF and I knew it wouldnt come across well if I said I found the speed at which things progressed from vaguely thinking about babies to having one very difficult mentally.

romdowa · 27/06/2021 17:10

Maybe they really are shocked it happened so quick? I fell pregnant on our first try and it was a huge shock and totally unexpected that we had gotten so lucky , especially when we know how hard it can be for some people. Saying something really isn't harping on.

user848272 · 27/06/2021 17:10

YANBU

Rosesareyellow · 27/06/2021 17:12

I would say YABU because saying they are shocked because it happened straight away isn’t bragging is it? If anything it’s acknowledging that it’s not always that easy since they didn’t expect it to be.

Floralnomad · 27/06/2021 17:12

It’s just something people say , it’s hardly banging on . At the end of the day finding it easy to conceive is not something you can brag about as it’s really out of your hands , it’s not like passing an A level it’s just sex and any one can do that .

Yaykyay · 27/06/2021 17:16

Yeah it's embarrassing brag. You're right you have no idea how hard others found it. So probably shouldn't brag about how easy you found it. I'm childfree by choice so not saying it as a jealous person either.

It's especially annoying as it's really not something you have control over so makes no sense to brag about.

Rosesareyellow · 27/06/2021 17:17

If someone was genuinely bragging - I don’t know what that would sound like though, maybe something along the lines of ‘we must be really fertile...’ maybe? - I’d tell them to hold their horses as I conceived straight away the first time and my second, only three years later and still in my twenties, took 8 months! Similarly I know someone who struggled for over a year and then got pregnant again very soon after giving birth whilst also breastfeeding. It really is just luck in many cases.

IWantT0BreakFree · 27/06/2021 17:18

Mentioning something once or twice is not “banging on”. People are allowed to talk about their experiences.

sabrinathemiddleagewitch · 27/06/2021 17:19

YABU. It works both ways, I have friends who TTC for ages and friends who conceived straight away. It's always a game of top trumps "I love my baby more as I tried for ages and truly want it" vs "I'm so fertile and we're so lucky at having sex correctly"

Both parties are equally as bad for it IMO

MouseyTheVampireSlayer · 27/06/2021 17:19

I think the problem is that people who don't conceive straight away generally don't advertise the fact. The narrative was always everyone got pregnant straight away, with that and the sex education I received, which basically implied no contraception meant high risk of pregnancy. The reality is a lot of things have to line up to conceive and most people don't straight away. It took me nine months and I was starting to look into infertility tests. However, the good thing was when my friend then had the same worry I reassured her it wasn't instant for me and we had to use fertility sticks etc. She conceived a few months after.
I'm not saying that if you don't conceive straight away that it's always not a problem, of course some people sadly never do, but I think we're so programmed to think it'll be instant by friends and media, when it's not it can be a great source of anxiety.

I try to be mindful of what I put on social media anyway because I don't think it's necessary to splash my child on the internet and can see how it could be painful for someone TTC.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 27/06/2021 17:20

it's not a new thing and YABU

people often are often surprised not just at the fact that we had 7 kids, but that there's just less than 13 years between oldest and youngest (and I had a MC too).

what am I supposed to say? it's a fact of like that I got pg easily. with 3 of them I know exactly when, 1 of them it's either of 2 dates. it was a running joke that DH hold my hand/look at me/text me and bamm.

people have always said and still say the shittiests, most insensitive, hurtful, judgemental & critical things to me and always have a fucking opinion.
so while I don't usually volunteer the information, but I think my explaining when asked that it was easy is pretty tame in comparison.

if people volunteer it as some sort of bragging that's weird. it's not a fucking competition

PurpleDaisies · 27/06/2021 17:20

That’s what they’ve said in their text to you. Maybe they’ve sent something different to friends who have struggled to conceive.

It’s hard to get excited about this. I agree, it’s hardly banging on to mention it once.

HumunaHey · 27/06/2021 17:21

I honestly don't see it as bragging. People can be shell shocked when it hapoens so soon.

Also, they could be pre-empting the millions of intrusive questions you inevitably get once you're pregnant. Sharing that your shocked it happened so soon could be a way of preventing other, more personal/offensive questions coming their way.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 27/06/2021 17:21

excuse typos and crap grammar.
I'm distracted by football

Goldenbear · 27/06/2021 17:22

It's not banging on.

topwings · 27/06/2021 17:22

I had years of fertility treatment before I had dc so a comment like this used to cut me a bit but I wouldn't hold it against the person, it's just their own experience.

If you had to consider everybody's experience with fertility before you commented on your own pregnancy, you wouldn't be able to mention it at all!

RickiTarr · 27/06/2021 17:23

@SunflowerOwl

Two pregnancy announcements from friends this weekend have included a comment along the lines of 'we were so shocked that it happened straight away!'.

I'm pregnant myself so it's not a jealousy thing but I just dont understand why that detail needs to be shared with others, especially as you've no idea how difficult others found it.

Am I just being a sour cow or is this becoming more of a thing?

Operative words are supposed to be FRIENDS & SHOCKED.

They think they’re safely talking to friends, and it is a very real shock to your understanding of things when after years of contraception and hearing about infertility, it turns out conceiving is sometimes very easy indeed to the point of being instantaneous.

That takes a while to absorb. They probably wouldn’t express it to acquaintances or a general audience, but you are supposed to be a friend.

annacondom · 27/06/2021 17:24

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I clicked YABU. I came off the pill and got pregnant immediately and to be honest it really fucked with my head, my life changed overnight with no chance to really think about it or get used to the idea. I cried every day in my first pregnancy, looking back I probably had some pre natal depression or something. And it made it harder that I couldnt really talk to anyone about it, other people I knew that were having babies had had years of IVF and I knew it wouldnt come across well if I said I found the speed at which things progressed from vaguely thinking about babies to having one very difficult mentally.
Same here, and I had twins! Gave birth less than eight months after coming off the Pill. But I am not bragging - asking for sympathy for my/our total shock! It took me a very long time (probably about two years) to recover, mentally. The babies were fine :)