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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate it when people bang on about how they didnt need to 'try' to conceive

179 replies

SunflowerOwl · 27/06/2021 16:57

Two pregnancy announcements from friends this weekend have included a comment along the lines of 'we were so shocked that it happened straight away!'.

I'm pregnant myself so it's not a jealousy thing but I just dont understand why that detail needs to be shared with others, especially as you've no idea how difficult others found it.

Am I just being a sour cow or is this becoming more of a thing?

OP posts:
rainbowdaz · 27/06/2021 17:24

You're only going to think it's bragging if you're having fertility problems and it's sensitive to you

I would not think twice if someone said they got pregnant straight away/were surprised or whatever

thelegohooverer · 27/06/2021 17:25

There are so many struggles and so much hidden pain around conception, pregnancy and birth. The taboo on infertility and miscarriage has been lifted but in a way that has made it difficult to talk about other issues.
I understand why it stings op but on balance I feel yabu.

grapewine · 27/06/2021 17:25

Agree, they're hardly banging on about it from what you've described.

Twylar · 27/06/2021 17:30

I'm going to say YANBU because It is weird to say. It's not information people want to know. Either you're pregnant or not pregnant and noone wants to know the ins and outs of how it came about.

ThedaBara · 27/06/2021 17:31

I think stories about people having to try for months (esp if they're past 30+) before they get pregnant are quite common now, so a lot of people are surprised if it happens on the first try.
I wouldn't volunteer it personally bc I don't want to put the picture of me and DH in bed into people's heads, but to each their own!

Hankunamatata · 27/06/2021 17:32

Nope not bragging. I always thought it would take months and two months after stopping the pill, bam pregnant. No way did I think it would happen like that

Merryoldgoat · 27/06/2021 17:33

I have lived from late teens being told I’d likely find conceiving naturally very difficult, don’t wait too long, you’ll likely need treatment etc.

I got pregnant instantly and it was a shock. I didn’t post that but I have told friends as they know the history.

I wasn’t bragging, just talking.

newnortherner111 · 27/06/2021 17:35

I think it is insensitive as other women's fertility or wish to have children is a private matter, and even such things as early miscarriage may not be known beyond the woman and her husband or partner.

3scape · 27/06/2021 17:36

I think it's because there's so much about infertility and trying and companies pushing the ovulation kits and fertility aps etc that people forget in the majority of cases it doesn't take much effort.

mullmara · 27/06/2021 17:37

Did they say it you or an announcement on SM? I'm not sure why a one off comment has to be bragging. I genuinely was shocked that it happened as fast as it did & I remember being scolded for not taking folic acid in advance, I just wasn't prepared.

mullmara · 27/06/2021 17:38

I certainly had expected it to take longer because I was still getting used to the idea & I presumed I would have had more time.

Fairyliz · 27/06/2021 17:39

I'm surprised when supposedly intelligent people are shocked that they get pregnant after having unprotected sex.

Do they not know how making babies works?

EmeraldShamrock · 27/06/2021 17:39

Yabu. It happens like that for lots of people.
It didn't for me took approximately 1 year for both.
My friend was on the pill 13 years, she was pregnant with 6 weeks of stopping.
It is how it is.
Is it preferable if they said they struggled?

SionnachRua · 27/06/2021 17:40

A comment in an announcement is not banging on, now is it? C'mon OP. Don't twist things into something that they're not. Plenty of surprise pregnancies out there, it's nothing for people to be ashamed of.

StillCalmX · 27/06/2021 17:41

I never put it on SM but I didn't brag about it. I was embarrassed tbh, not married. Came off the pill wondering if it would happened. very foolish. the relationship wasn't solid. My 18 year old is here now of course but it's all perspective. What seems like bragging when you're struggling to get pregnant might actually be somebody feeling like that was tooooo faaaaaast and the rug ripped from under them, quesitoning did they did they wanted this!?

mullmara · 27/06/2021 17:43

I'm surprised when supposedly intelligent people are shocked that they get pregnant after having unprotected sex.

But the narrative isn't if you are in your 30s you will get pregnant the first time you have unprotected sex. The narrative is its normal to take up to a year & it's more difficult as you get older.

PurpleyBlue · 27/06/2021 17:44

They might have been shocked it happened so quickly as they'd had past issues?

PurpleyBlue · 27/06/2021 17:44

But yeah seems an odd thing to tell everyone

mullmara · 27/06/2021 17:45

They might have been shocked it happened so quickly as they'd had past issues?

Yes I have two friends that had IVF with their first but nothing with subsequent dc.

HumunaHey · 27/06/2021 17:46

@Fairyliz

I'm surprised when supposedly intelligent people are shocked that they get pregnant after having unprotected sex.

Do they not know how making babies works?

Because having unprotected sex does not mean a 100% "success" rate in getting pregnant.

I could throw a basketball to a hoop and be shocked it went in, even if there was obviously a chance that would happen.

Pinkdelight3 · 27/06/2021 17:46

It's certainly becoming more of a thing that people get over-reacted over very mild that someone else said which doesn't even impact on them. They're your friends, they told the truth about what happened to them, do they have to mediate everything and censor it in case you 'hate' it ?

Original poster
SunflowerOwl · 27/06/2021 17:50

Sour cow it is then Grin

Our journey to pregnancy was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster so I'm possibly over sensitive although it was nowhere near as hard as what I know others go through.

It always just stings a bit!

OP posts:
StrawberrySquash · 27/06/2021 17:51

I think people are scared it won't happen, then shocked, quite naturally when it does. It's a big deal after all. It's a way of processing a big life change. Insensitive to say it directly to someone you know is struggling without any prompting, but otherwise I think it's part of life. That doesn't mean I don't have sympathy for people watching everyone else get pregnant around them.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/06/2021 17:53

Personally, I wouldn’t mention how fast I had conceived, because I am aware that there are people who really struggle/take a long time to conceive, and I wouldn't want to upset anyone.

But maybe these people don’t realise how their comment might hurt someone who hasn’t conceived so quickly - I doubt it was said with deliberate malice.

mullmara · 27/06/2021 17:54

It's certainly becoming more of a thing that people get over-reacted over very mild that someone else said which doesn't even impact on them. They're your friends, they told the truth about what happened to them, do they have to mediate everything and censor it in case you 'hate' it ?

I agree & think it's quite odd. One of my friends had a baby that literally fell on the breast & bf was a dream (like the videos) it was much harder for me. My friends good experience doesn't tarnish mine in anyway.