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Original poster

To hate it when people bang on about how they didnt need to 'try' to conceive

179 replies

SunflowerOwl · 27/06/2021 16:57

Two pregnancy announcements from friends this weekend have included a comment along the lines of 'we were so shocked that it happened straight away!'.

I'm pregnant myself so it's not a jealousy thing but I just dont understand why that detail needs to be shared with others, especially as you've no idea how difficult others found it.

Am I just being a sour cow or is this becoming more of a thing?

OP posts:
Thewinterofdiscontent · 27/06/2021 19:27

Conception is an an absolute lottery.
Shag the first 15 and not get pregnant, shag a random one time and there you go.
Do everything right and not get pregnant, give up and suddenly there you are.
16, your one time sex pregnant, 25 TTC nothing.

The more people get being pregnant is not a side effect of sex (hedonistic pastime) but a biological event the better.

Asterales · 27/06/2021 19:28

I don't think it's "bragging" if they just mention it and then move on. After years of erratic and unpredictable periods (and my mother having enormous difficulty conceiving) I was expecting a difficult journey to motherhood. My boyfriend and I were therefore very blasé when we started "being careless" because we anticipated that a more focused approach of active trying would be necessary. I became pregnant on the very first occasion of carelessness, and whilst I'm grateful every day for my beautiful boy, it doesn't negate how utterly blindsided I was by the pregnancy at the time. Cut your friends some slack, they're probably just processing the huge and unexpected change to their lives.

IWantT0BreakFree · 27/06/2021 19:28

When I announce in a few weeks I will be making it abundantly clean when telling people how difficult this was.

And if anyone who has lost a child, or who has had the gruelling fertility journey but without the happy ending, gets upset upon hearing your story then it's just tough luck?

fruitsaladyummyummy · 27/06/2021 19:29

I had a miscarriage after a very unexpected pregnancy which turned me ttc obsessed, but with life plans for that year we basically agreed we had 3 month to try or would have to hold off ttc for a year. I was obsessed those 3 months, heartbroken when my period would arrive, I lived for ttc and was crushed when it didn't happen.

When we started trying for our first we set a timeline of a year where we decided "if I'm not pregnant by x date we'll go to y, if I'm not pregnant by my birthday we'll go to z" etc, basically something to make me slightly less crazy about becoming pregnant. So it was a HUGE shock when I got pregnant straight away.

With my second I'd missed a few days pills and we had sex once that entire month so I was also shocked it happened so quick. I found I made comments about getting pregnant so quick counter the comments that people couldn't believe I was pregnant when my first was so young (20 weeks). People used to make really weird comments (fck me you must be at it like rabbits, do you not have a tv??? Etc) so I felt the need to tell them that yes we were surprised too!

mullmara · 27/06/2021 19:30

That’s exactly what leads everyone to believe that conceiving will take ages.

Exactly!

Thatsjustwhatithink · 27/06/2021 19:30

[quote Sparrowsong]@Puffalicious you sound like someone worth avoiding tbh![/quote]
Unnecessary and adds nothing to the question. Just being mean.

mullmara · 27/06/2021 19:33

You are’t winners because you had sex once.

Surely that's just projection. Most people don't feel superior because it happens quickly.

Royalbloo · 27/06/2021 19:35

Why? Isn't it just another human's experience?!

We said, "Shall we try and have a bab..."

Pregnant.

It's not an offence to be fertile and doesn't make me insensitive to others who aren't or who take longer or mean? It's just a fact.

Thisbastardcomputer · 27/06/2021 19:35

Well I could get pregnant very easily but couldn't keep hold of them, I never got my longed for second child, something to do with my immune system. It's not a competition but some people will sneak a brag in where possible.

Farwest · 27/06/2021 19:36

They are just sharing their experience and shock. Pretty much any positive experience you have in life will cause envy in someone ... should they never share that they have bought a new house as other friends are struggling to get a deposit together? Never say they were promoted at work because they know people who have been made redundant? It is always bad form to flaunt your good fortune, but one comment about being shocked is not bragging. It is sharing your good news with friends and family, and sharing that it may have been a little unexpected or unsettling, as even good news can be.

Royalbloo · 27/06/2021 19:36

Or was actually a bit of a shock at 35!

Yamashita40 · 27/06/2021 19:36

Yeah this really pissed me off and still would now when I'm well passed ttc.

We ttc for a total of 6 years for our two kids and paid out thousands for ivf. My friend chose to confide in me when I was going through a gruelling round of IVF which didn't work that she was getting worried she was infertile as they hadn't conceived after three months. Like, read the fucking room you twat.

UpSlyDown · 27/06/2021 19:39

You will find these in every part of parenting. ‘Oh my goodness my birth was so quick it was insane can’t believe it’ ‘gosh she’s just a boob monster she loves feeding’ ‘he just ate a whole raddish- he’s only 8 months old! What a weirdo’. If you’ve have a traumatic birth, didn’t manage to breastfeed or have a fussy eater it’s so easy to read into offhand comments (could be a humble brag, could be a random comment, could be an under confident parent making themselves feel bettter). I’d let anything like that wash over you.

Dentistlakes · 27/06/2021 19:42

First time it took 8 years and 3 rounds of IVF. Second time it happened first time we tried (the conventional way). We didn’t advertise the time taken to conceive to anyone. Some people like to discuss the details and that’s ok. It’s their own experience after all.

TrufflyPig · 27/06/2021 19:45

It's a difficult one.

I have had both a long struggle to conceive and then an unexpectedly quick conception.

During my struggle to conceive a work colleague got pregnant the first month of trying and did indeed keep banging on about it! Literally mentioned all the time followed then by lots of moaning about how terrible being pregnant was. I went home crying most days.

But when I unexpectedly got pregnant with my second child I found it hard to keep in the shock and surprise, I wanted to tell everyone how shockingly easy it had been. I didn't though.

On balance you are not being unreasonable.

Blankspace4 · 27/06/2021 19:46

From someone who has had a long term battle with infertility - this is one of the things that narks me the most.

BeardieWeirdie · 27/06/2021 19:47

It took 4 years and a miscarriage before I conceived my first. A friend who knew this said she “kind of understood” how hard that had been because when she didn’t conceive in the first month of trying (but managed it the following month), she felt really sad. YANBU, while some people say it in genuine shock, there are definitely those who like to brag about how they only have to look at their husband blah-de-blah.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/06/2021 19:48

People do ask if you were trying long, especially those hopeful to get pregnant.
It's like everything in life if you long for it when someone else has it easy, it causes distress.
I don't think it is bragging though just fact.

EssentialHummus · 27/06/2021 19:54

I find it distasteful when people share unsolicited details of their sex lives, this included. I think “We’re still getting our heads around it” or similar is fine, but “Yeah, it was our first month trying” - really, whether you’re talking to great aunt Sally or your mate with seven kids, who needs to know?

bananamonkey · 27/06/2021 20:01

I’m not sure about bragging but it just seems unnecessary to share it, there’s a slight air of smugness to some.

Also you can’t be that shocked if you were actually trying. A pleasant surprise yes, you are one of the lucky ones.

Rollycat · 27/06/2021 20:11

I agree with you OP. It may not always be intended as a brag, but it will be heard as one by a lot of people who are struggling with fertility issues. It reminds me a bit of people who say ‘oh it’s weird, I can eat whatever I want, and I never seem to put any weight on’. They might think they are just stating a fact, but a person who’s struggling with their weight to the point of utter misery will likely hear it as a brag.
And yes, of course, it’s good to be resilient in life, and not to be too affected by other peoples’ accounts of their experiences, and realise that not everything is about you. All logical and reasonable in theory……but long term fertility problems are particularly effective at eroding your emotional resilience and capacity for logical thought!

BabyElephant2 · 27/06/2021 20:15

How would you find it if it’s the other way round? Someone ‘banging on’ about how they’re struggling to get pregnant?

Drivingmeupthewall · 27/06/2021 20:22

It would be their shock and/or elation I expect.

In my case I told everyone it wasn’t planned because I was deeply, deeply shocked and deeply depressed. It was a strange time.

steppemum · 27/06/2021 20:26

I get pregnant very easily (well, did I'm past it now Grin)

Usually pregnant by month 2 at latest.

But out of 7 pregnancies, I was only able to carry 3 to term.

It is swings and roundabouts, some get pregnant easily, some don't, some carry easily, some don't.

mullmara · 27/06/2021 20:27

It reminds me a bit of people who say ‘oh it’s weird, I can eat whatever I want, and I never seem to put any weight on’. They might think they are just stating a fact, but a person who’s struggling with their weight to the point of utter misery will likely hear it as a brag.

Well what if they desperately want to put on weight? One of my colleagues doesn't like her figure because in her culture it's not so desirable. She drinks some special drinks but she constantly monitors & checks if she's eating enough. It doesn't piss me off.