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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My child was rude to me!

210 replies

Ivymundane · 26/06/2021 08:09

I woke up a bit annoyed this morning about an incident yesterday when my child said something to me that just doesn’t sit right.

A bit of background. I have two kids 11 and 7. Eldest is a very mature and very clever girl, always well behaved, always polite with good manners, never in trouble, she is just a genuinely nice person with a good heart and not a bad bone in her body. On Thursday I had to collect her from school as there was a covid case in her class. Her sister was allowed to remain at school as it’s one joint building but separated as she is in the younger years.

During all the lockdowns my eldest was affected but not too badly as she spoke to her friends online daily, played games with them, did FaceTime etc. My youngest is too young for that, and with the age gap my kids don’t play together so my youngest was affected a lot more with no other people to interact with her own age for a long period of time.

I said, “thank god (youngest name) can still go to school though” to my eldest and she said
“Why? So you don’t have to deal with her!?”

I felt like I’d been hit by a bus, I couldn’t even react as I was just so shocked! I never get to go anywhere or do anything as I have absolutely no childcare support at all, so I’m always home, I work from home, I’m always with my kids in the house, I’m always bloody here!!!! And my eldest said this to me (which was rude) in a very platonic tone, almost like she had no idea it was rude, and it was because I do absolutely bloody everything and I always put my kids first.!! It’s like being kicked in the teeth.

She seems to have no idea this was rude, it’s like she way saying it to me as a reaction to a question, rather than saying it as she thought it in her mind, if that makes sense.

I can’t believe my child thinks this, there is no way, so she just must of heard someone else say it, and she’s repeated it to me. Does that make sense?

She would never intentionally hurt someone, she is just a good kid.

Aibu in thinking a family member has said this with her in ear shot (maybe a few times) so she has repeated this without actually knowing what she is implying?

OP posts:
Scaredycatmoo76 · 26/06/2021 09:50

But single parent with no family support
When do they see family in order for her to have heard this?

nanbread · 26/06/2021 09:53

If that's the rudest your child has been, fucking hell walk a mile in my shoes 🤣

bishbashbosh99 · 26/06/2021 09:55

What a drama over nothing

2pinkginsplease · 26/06/2021 09:55

I wouldn’t say that was rude, I think she was trying to be funny and you have bizarrely got offended.

Good luck for the teenage years if you think that was rude!

bendmeoverbackwards · 26/06/2021 09:55

@GalesThisMorning

OP, do you have other things in life you enjoy, aside from your children? Maybe if you don't have hobbies or friends etc these comments gain undue significance.

A friend of mine has, what appears to me, an odd relationship with her daughter. She claims they are best friends and never wants to anything without her daughter as it's not as much fun. When her daughter entered the 12 year old eye rolling, omg mum don't, leave me alone stage she was devastated. She would cry about it, the same way you might cry if your husband slammed the door in your face and shrieked get out of my life. She was so fixated on their relationship being best mates that she couldn't accept the normal adolescent behaviour for what it was.

You need to have more in your life than just kids, imo. What your daughter said was not rude, and your reaction suggests that you need to build some perspective.

Gosh that sounds very unhealthy. You shouldn’t be best friends with your child or rely on them for emotional support. It’s a parent’s job to raise an independent adult and there will be plenty of parenting decisions along the way that won’t be popular with your child.
bendmeoverbackwards · 26/06/2021 09:58

@nanbread

If that's the rudest your child has been, fucking hell walk a mile in my shoes 🤣
And mine! 😂
DrDresaid · 26/06/2021 10:01

God help you when she's 16!

riotlady · 26/06/2021 10:01

That’s such a mild comment Confused no idea why you would assume she’s heard it from a family member either

Rrrrrrrrr · 26/06/2021 10:04

She is morphing into a teenager. She’ll come back when she’s about 17 lol.

WorraLiberty · 26/06/2021 10:05

Massive over reaction and paranoia with you thinking it came from someone else.

Little sisters are annoying, she was probably looking for some (albeit misguided) empathy!

Rosebel · 26/06/2021 10:06

Gosh my kids say this about each other all the time. Well actually they usually say I'm glad is x at school so I don't have to deal with them. (I being them not me).
It's not rude and I agree you are in for a rough time in the next few years if you get upset about this.
It's highly unlikely she heard someone say it but perhaps she finds her sister hard work and thought you did too but most likely just a silly throwaway comment.
I don't understand why you think spending all your time with your children means they'll never be rude either. In the nicest possible way maybe your 11 year old would rather spend time with her friends than with her family.

HalzTangz · 26/06/2021 10:06

You may be always there, but are you interacting with the, or getting on with work, housework etc leaving them to entertain themselves.
You mention she saw friends via facetime but youngest saw basically no one. You make no mention of what time or activities you spent with them.
Maybe she does feel you don't spend quality time with them, so said what she did.

Personally if my child said that to me I would have asked why they thought that, instead of saying nothing and stewing all night like you've done

NightOwl19 · 26/06/2021 10:07

@pastapestoparmesan

I think you’re making a massive unnecessary drama from one throwaway comment, from a child you describe yourself as polite and well-behaved. I literally wouldn’t give it another moment of thought.
This
Biffbaff · 26/06/2021 10:09

Maybe it's because she feels bad you had to "deal with" her by being picked up from school early, and she was deflecting?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/06/2021 10:10

But wasn't she simply stating the truth?

(Or is it just me that needs a break from dealing with my DC?)

Conchitastrawberry · 26/06/2021 10:10

Huge over reaction. I’d talk to her about it though. My daughter was a dream at that age. Teachers always commented in how lovely and polite she was. 12-14 she pushed the boundaries a bit and now at 15 she’s absolutely lovely again. My 14 year old son is a different matter though.

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 26/06/2021 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 26/06/2021 10:10

Ugh. Wrong thread. Sorry.

Poppins2016 · 26/06/2021 10:11

Hmm. I think you could re-frame this:

"Yesterday, my mother had to pick me up from school because my class had to isolate. My mother said “thank god (sisters name) can still go to school though” which really hurt me as it sounded as though she didn't want to deal with me and would prefer I was in school, especially as I keep hearing adults saying this sort of thing. I asked an honest question, “Why? So you don’t have to deal with her!?” and my mother looked annoyed. AIBU?"

As PPs have said, I don't think your DD was being rude. If anything she might have even felt hurt or wanted to clarify what you were thinking, especially in the context of the media broadcasting the message that 'parents are struggling with children being at home'.

Sally872 · 26/06/2021 10:11

Massively overreacting dd wasn't rude, you were saying "thank god youngest is at school" I would take that to mean so you don't have to entertain a 7 year old (even the most delightful ones have different interests to adults or stop you getting chores done).

It isn't an attack on your parenting enthusiasm or ability. Perhaps you should have said "I am glad youngest is still at school as she finds being at home more difficult than you" although that is pretty insensitivite to older child who probably also found lockdown hard, even if not as bad as youngest.

tolerable · 26/06/2021 10:12

she didnt need to overhear. anyone...you said "thank god ....can still go" her response may not have been snidey but regognition that (otherwise) you do have to" deal "with her(sister).Maybe shes aware(due to high intelligence\social scene)lived experience.your being ridiculous really.

HalzTangz · 26/06/2021 10:15

@Ivymundane

This isn’t a big drama by the way, it’s coming across as a massive deal about my daughter but that’s not the issue, the issue is I feel a family member is not being very nice about me (which I couldn’t care less about) but within ear shot of my daughter, and I don’t think that’s acceptable at all.

I’m not going to talk to my daughter about it, she would be upset she upset me and then feel pushed into saying where she heard it and there’s just no need for me to do that to her, it’s not like someone’s in danger or anything so I will leave it, I just think things hurt more when they are said but are absolutely not true in anyway.

Yet none of that mentioned in your opening post
feistymumma · 26/06/2021 10:18

I am not sure why you were massively offended. Seems like an innocent nigh question without any underlying malice

TheTuesdayPringle · 26/06/2021 10:19

I had to re-read your post bc I felt like I had missed the rude part. I mean, are you serious?

This is a big fat nothing. To me it sounds like your lovely daughter was trying to be conversational in the way she hears adults talking and besides, it's just a question. What's with the drama?

Definitely don't bring it up again, poor mite.

And brace yourself for the teen years. 😂

DavidTheDog · 26/06/2021 10:20

I never get to go anywhere or do anything as I have absolutely no childcare support at all, so I’m always home, I work from home, I’m always with my kids in the house, I’m always bloody here!

Wot I reckon is... your child has picked up on this.

Unfortunately, you didn't hear your daughter saying this, you heard your judgemental, overbearing mother-in-law.