To ask people to pay for their children at our wedding

[LoubyLouLou22]

We’re looking into our options for a wedding celebration and most of our friends have children. I have no issue with having children at the wedding but am struggling with the budget and it would save us a significant amount if we didn’t invite children.

Some guests are local and others are spread around the country so I don’t feel like a blanket “no children” would work as it may be difficult for the guests travelling a distance to sort childcare for the weekend.

Would I be unreasonable to put something similar to the following in our invitations?

“whilst we’d love to be able to invite your kids we can’t stretch our budget that far as it would double the numbers, therefore the invite is for you and your partner and you’re welcome to bring your kids at a cost of £x per head”

We’re not asking for presents if that makes a difference.

Ooh this was done a couple of weeks ago. Brace yourself OP! (PS YABU)

Oh you absolutely cannot do this. Just no.

It sounds very odd.
Unfortunately you will just have to accept that there will be some children and your adult numbers are smaller, or just go for a no children wedding

You either cover cost of children, or don’t invite children at all and accept that some of your friends and relatives may be unable to attend as a consequence.

@BastardMonkfish

Do you know the thread title or can you link it please?

I think there'd be a lot of eyebrows raised and probably a fair few comments too, both to your face and behind your back. You'd either have to do a blanket "no children" and accept that this means some people won't be able to attend (which will lower the costs anyway as you'll have less people) or find some savings elsewhere in the budget and allow children at your own expense. You can't really invite people to a wedding and then expect them to pay when they're already potentially paying for things like travel, accommodation, drinks, clothing, etc.

Have a cheaper wedding reception? Eg in a community centre/church hall, and a catered buffet.

If you say no children, then half of your guests won't come, and if you ask them to pay for their children most of them won't come.

OMG no. I mutter at a child free wedding as we have no-one to park DD with, but at least you know where you are with one of those. Charging for kids?!?! You’ll literally offend absolutely everybody. Really, don’t, unless you want to end up the subject of the month on everybody’s WhatsApp. (And not in a good way.)

No you cannot do this.

Don’t do it OP, have a child free wedding and let people decide whether or not they want to come/can sort childcare.

Whats the major cost for kids? Just do some party lunch bags with sandwiches etc and bung in some treats et voila.

What is wrong with you! Just don't invite children, if it doesn't suit some people then they don't have to go.

Honestly as a parent it would not bother me at all getting an invite like this. I would totally understand that people have budget restrictions and would appreciate being given the choice.

Seems that most people here don’t like it though.

[quote LoubyLouLou22]@BastardMonkfish

Do you know the thread title or can you link it please?[/quote]
It was deleted after about 15 pages because the OP was a troll I think.

Embarrassing and Cringy and guaranteed to alienate everyone you know with children and make your wedding the talk of their circles in the worst kind of way.

I wouldn’t find it offensive tbh. It might be cheaper than the cost of childcare for the day?

Not a good idea at all. How can you put a price on children's food, when they are all different ages.and what they will and won't eat etc.I think most people would be a bit put out about this.

I don't see a problem with it personally 🤷🏼‍♀️

My cousin hired a couple of childminders for the day, all the kids in a separate room in the hotel with a bouncy castle and crafts etc, party buffet food, daft music and cake for them, the parents could enjoy the speeches and formal dinner, the kids got to go wild after sitting still and quiet in the church. Happy kids, happy parents. Cost her around £400 in all

Wouldnt bother me in the slightest. Seems like a sensible middle ground.

I think the issue would be in the wording so making it clear that you dont WANT a child free wedding but can't afford to invite all the kids and feel it would be unfair to pick and choose which ones get to come. Then its up to the parents. As threads on here have shown, it can cost a fortune for babysitters/accomodation etc for a child free wedding attendee so they may prefer this as an option.

I really wouldn't mind! I totally understand and wouldn't be offended. But yes, it seems Mumsnet are offended by it.
We are just having family children to our wedding this year (2 under 4, 5 x 10-15).

However.....I would ask for the kids costs to be paid well in advance of the wedding so you dont get stuck with kids meals that need paying for but then the parents dont bring them/change their minds.

Nah, it just sounds very off. No matter how you word it, it will seem as if you don't want kids there but don't have the balls to say it.

Either invite their kids and foot the bill, or have a no kids rule.