To ask people to pay for their children at our wedding

[LoubyLouLou22]

We’re looking into our options for a wedding celebration and most of our friends have children. I have no issue with having children at the wedding but am struggling with the budget and it would save us a significant amount if we didn’t invite children.

Some guests are local and others are spread around the country so I don’t feel like a blanket “no children” would work as it may be difficult for the guests travelling a distance to sort childcare for the weekend.

Would I be unreasonable to put something similar to the following in our invitations?

“whilst we’d love to be able to invite your kids we can’t stretch our budget that far as it would double the numbers, therefore the invite is for you and your partner and you’re welcome to bring your kids at a cost of £x per head”

It’s really good that you are considering inviting all the family and realising that some parents would struggle to come if they couldn’t bring children.

However, if you are going to invite children, then you have to pay for them.

You cannot, simply cannot, ask people to pay for their children to come to your wedding any more than you can ask any guest to pay for their food and drink. It is just totally inappropriate.

What you can do is have a smaller wedding that you can afford.

I think that other thread got taken down for obvious reasons 🤣 - basically the OP said as covid had delayed her wedding the kids that would have been babies had the wedding gone ahead last year would now be older and would require food so she wanted to ask the parents to pay for their meals 🙄

I'm actually cringing for you at the thought of you asking people to pay for their kids to come to you wedding - save yourself the embarrassment and just say no children

You absolutely cannot charge people to attend your wedding, whatever their age.

This is why I can never have a wedding. So much judgment on what you do or don’t do. I think what you suggest is entirely reasonable and gives people the option to bring their children or not. You also aren’t asking for gifts and you are just being honest about a situation. People get their knickers in a twist over weddings and clutch at their pearls if you do anything considered ‘not proper’.

It’s a no from me! The cost of children’s meals are nothing in comparison to the rest of the costs involved in a wedding. Weddings are also expensive to attend - an outfit (x 2 if a couple and more if you are bringing your kids), transport, childcare, accomodation, and gift.

Cringe. Aren't you embarrassed.

A wedding doesn't have to be expensive to be a great day. Ours cost less than £4k including everything, no restriction on numbers or children, & it was a lot of fun. We told everyone we didn't need gifts as we'd lived together a few years already. Weddings should be about celebrating with your friends & family. It's not as good if half of them aren't even invited.

Gosh people really do bring the begging bowl out to fund their lifestyle choices more often now. See if you can make cheaper swaps in your budget rather than doing this. E. G don't hire a wedding car but ask a friend with a fancy car to drive you etc.

Ask the venue if they can provide a packed lunch for kids or if you can bring your own. One pp on a previous thread filled take away boxes with a substantial picnic, crayons & pocket money toys. That went down well with the guests.

Rule of hosting is that if you invite then you foot the bill for the whole event.

Oh my god! No I'm cringing

** You cannot, simply cannot, ask people to pay for their children to come to your wedding any more than you can ask any guest to pay for their food and drink. It is just totally inappropriate.

What you can do is have a smaller wedding that you can afford.**

^This. Kids meals don’t even cost that much.

You can ask whatever you like OP.

But people will think you're tight as a duck's arse.

Makes you sound cheap in a bad way. Why not just have a smaller function with very few people?

How much does it cost at your venue to pay for a few kids meals? Just serve them pasta or fish and chips. Is that r ally going to break the bank?
Honestly I think it’s rude to ask guests to pay.

You'll either have to no invite children or invite them and pay for them. Your wedding isn't a tourist attraction that can charge for optional child entry.

@Whycantibetangy

My cousin hired a couple of childminders for the day, all the kids in a separate room in the hotel with a bouncy castle and crafts etc, party buffet food, daft music and cake for them, the parents could enjoy the speeches and formal dinner, the kids got to go wild after sitting still and quiet in the church. Happy kids, happy parents. Cost her around £400 in all

The OP has already said she is on a budget and can’t afford to cover the costs of everyone bringing their children and up you pop with another £400 for her to spend!

Lots of people dread weddings, and then to have to pay for the privilege after already having shelled out for presents, outfits, travel and possibly accommodation.... I'd probably decline the invitation at this point.

Oh I don't know, this wouldn't bother me I'd understand. But then my friend did the biggest mumsnet faux pas ever and asked people to pay for their meal because otherwise they couldn't afford it. It wasn't expensive and didn't bother me at all I wanted them to get married and have everyone together but people on here seem to get their noses out of joint over it.

That would be such a negative unloving way to start your married life. Your wedding day should be a joyful happy day. Keep your plans simple and affordable.

it feels less offensive to me than asking for cash for a wedding gift but I'm old and what do I know.

@dancealittleclosertome

Lots of people dread weddings, and then to have to pay for the privilege after already having shelled out for presents, outfits, travel and possibly accommodation.... I'd probably decline the invitation at this point.

Exactly this i lost a good friend a few years back who couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t travel to Spain for her wedding for 5 days . I said I couldn’t afford it and if we went it would mean no two week holiday for us in the summer. She really thought I should give up my entire holiday budget for the year for her wedding .

I did a seperate kids buffet at mine, with stuff kids like to eat.. Wedding meals are expensive for one to have to pay for and not to be eaten.
I personally dont think yabu.. For me, it would be cheaper to pay for her meal than fork out babysitter for the day... Then again..
Lot of parents would enjoy a kid free day, so maybe put it kid free and save some money 😉😂

Lots of people dread weddings

I often see this on mumsnet. Do they really dread weddings? Really?

They don't have to go if they don't want to.

If you can’t afford so many guests, cut down. You really can’t charge people.

I thought it was a good compromise. The amount of abuse people get for having child free weddings is rife.
At least you are given the option.
It's better than the tacky 'presence not presents' crap.