To ask people to pay for their children at our wedding

[LoubyLouLou22]

We’re looking into our options for a wedding celebration and most of our friends have children. I have no issue with having children at the wedding but am struggling with the budget and it would save us a significant amount if we didn’t invite children.

Some guests are local and others are spread around the country so I don’t feel like a blanket “no children” would work as it may be difficult for the guests travelling a distance to sort childcare for the weekend.

Would I be unreasonable to put something similar to the following in our invitations?

“whilst we’d love to be able to invite your kids we can’t stretch our budget that far as it would double the numbers, therefore the invite is for you and your partner and you’re welcome to bring your kids at a cost of £x per head”

Me too Monti, I was really surprised at the amount of posts that would find it unacceptable. Hey ho! 💐

Don't people talk to each other any more?
Just speak your friends/family and explain the situation
It wouldn't bother me in the slightest!
When I got married we had a limited budget. My husbands army friends wanted to come but we could afford it...they offered to pay for themselves and we had a ball.

Everyone needs to stop being so up themselves. True friends will understand, if they're offended then you don't need them there!

I wouldn’t mind this at all. Good luck OP.

We could only invite a certain amount of children to our wedding and it was brought up many times by DH family after the wedding that other children were allowed to attend (My sister's, aunts and closest friend) I personally wouldn't mind someone giving me the option of paying for the children to attend or not. I have had to leave one wedding before the main meal due to the only baby sitter I could get only being available til 7 (they did the speeches first 🙈,evening guess where arriving as we left and there was still mains and dessert to come!) and several others we have had to take trys and turns at driving to get back for babysitters/family!
I don't see the issue.

It's much less controversial just not to invite the children. We didn't invite children at ours, and it was fine.

You either pay or you don't invite children.

If you invited me and expected me to pay to bring my kids I'd absolutely decline.

If you said no kids at the wedding I'd sort childcare.

A 3 course meal for a 9mth

Insane

Under 1’s should have been given a different menu /choice

I was going to say no, as on principal you cant expect guests pay to attend, however although it might raise eyebrows given the option of either not going at all due to childcare or paying for my DC to come I'd rather pay for them to attend.
I think your wording is good but maybe address the invite to couple only and add a note to say if childcare is an issue ---- (insert your wording) that way you havent actually invited the children and expect them to pay but have given them the option if childcare is a problem

Just read read your post and realised thats exactly what youd suggested,-sorry! I thinks its fine but pay for any nieces or nephews

I don’t see the problem of having a child free wedding if that’s what you want - it’s your day, if people don’t want to/aren’t able to come along without their children then they don’t have to. Parents are so entitled now, they expect everything to revolve around the fact that THEY have children.

Asking people to pay though is a bit much.

I have just been to a child free wedding. I have to say that a great deal of the parents enjoyed it very much without having to keep an eye on their children.

Not inviting kids or asking for parents to pay for them will ultimately save you money as some parents won't come. YABU

I told people to let me know if they wanted to bring their kids. Some people said they wouldn’t come without their kids so I included them, others told me they wanted to go without their kids. I love weddings with children. I went to a wedding with no kids when I had a baby, but messaged the groom to say I couldn’t go without my baby and that was fine. I had to leave my toddler with her grandparents but I enjoyed the wedding more. Babies are great at weddings.

Babies are great at weddings.
Why?

Child free wedding all the way! The only kids I’d allow attend are nieces and nephews.
I’d cringe if I was asked for money in an invitation but I’d also hate to bring my kids to a wedding! God no.

Have an 11 am wedding followed immediately by tea, punch, and cake reception. It’s inexpensive and avoids waiting about for a evening reception.

Either ban kids or pay for them. Making people pay is just ridiculous

@Ericaequites

Have an 11 am wedding followed immediately by tea, punch, and cake reception. It’s inexpensive and avoids waiting about for a evening reception.

That sounds LOVELY!

Congratulations 🥳

This thread baffles me.
A bride and groom can't afford children at wedding. So say no children. Either way people bitch and moan.

If I wanted to attend a wedding, I usually only attend when i am GOOD friends with the couple. I would absolutely have no issue paying for my child if that meant they could attend with us.
OP I would chat to your friends privately and give them the option. Don't announce it formally.

More and more people - my kid's generation - seem to be getting married after they have kids themselves. Which, I've noticed, makes a big difference to how they plan their wedding, and the extent to which they take other people's kids into account when setting the whole thing up - and, actually, when deciding what are the important things to pay for.

I think this is a Good Thing.

It wouldn’t offend me as a parent but I wouldn’t come if I had to pay for the kids. Far better to either invite kids and find a cheaper venue or don’t invite kids and accept some people won’t come. I understand the rationale but think it’d alienate a lot of your parent friends. Good luck

I would not do this. Talk to the caterers/venue about it. They should be able to give you a cheap rate for children's food and drink - chicken fingers and chips and squash should not be more that £10 a head. If they are too old for a kids meal they are old enough that they can be easily farmed out for the night and not come to the wedding.

Talk to your potential guests first & see if they even want to bring kids. If so, explain your problem. Those that say they still want to come & bring their kids can do so, those that don't want to, don't invite, then hopefully, there'll be enough spaces for you to afford to pay for the kids anyway. Those that have a problem with it, are the ones that will lose out.

Those that have a problem with it, are the ones that will lose out.
God, I'm sure they'll learn to manage their disappointment. Honestly!

I think it’s a very sensible, honest approach. You’re not being a princess that thinks children are horrible things that ruin weddings. You’re just saying that funds won’t stretch to the numbers needed to invite all the children, but they can bring them if they’re happy to pay for their meals.