Page 16 | To ask people to pay for their children at our wedding

LoubyLouLou22 · 2021-06-26T00:06:00+00:00

We’re looking into our options for a wedding celebration and most of our friends have children. I have no issue with having children at the wedding but am struggling with the budget and it would save us a significant amount if we didn’t invite children. Some guests are local and others are spread around the country so I don’t feel like a blanket “no children” would work as it may be difficult for the guests travelling a distance to sort childcare for the weekend. Would I be unreasonable to put something similar to the following in our invitations? “whilst we’d love to be able to invite your kids we can’t stretch our budget that far as it would double the numbers, therefore the invite is for you and your partner and you’re welcome to bring your kids at a cost of £x per head”

Honeyroar · 28/06/2021 20:25

@Frankola

You either pay or you don't invite children.

If you invited me and expected me to pay to bring my kids I'd absolutely decline.

If you said no kids at the wedding I'd sort childcare.

See I don’t understand this (sorry to single you out). It’s a case that your children are not invited, however for those that can’t or won’t come without their children there is a way round it..

frigglerock · 28/06/2021 20:29

I don't understand the outrage... If you're paying for expensive catering and can't afford to feed the children at the same cost as the adults, at least you'd be giving parents some options.

But the better option, imo, would be to spend less on food or serve special (cheaper, smaller-portioned) food for the children... but then you'd probably run into problems with older kids who would want to eat the adult food.

Hadenough2021 · 28/06/2021 22:08

Oh lord no. Not at all. No. Just. No.

JMR185 · 28/06/2021 22:58

I think it's perfectly ok to do this. Friends and relatives with children will understand. But it's all in the wording!

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 28/06/2021 23:00

As a parent it wouldn’t bother me at all and I’d be happy to pay if it was a wedding I wanted to go to.

VestaTilley · 28/06/2021 23:03

YABU. Please don’t do this- it’s shockingly crass, although I know that’s not your intention.

Either pay for the kids places yourselves or make it a child free wedding. You cannot ask the guests to pay.

thelonghaul · 04/07/2021 22:43

Change to a buffet, catered just for adults. There's always too much food so should easily cover any kids. I still scowl when I think how much food was left over from our evening do, particularly since I'd wanted less but was persuaded by others (who claimed to know more than me) !!!

Oops scab well and truly picked.

Maggiesfarm · 04/07/2021 23:06

That's a very good idea, thelonghaul.

ChocolateCookies123 · 04/07/2021 23:11

YABVU You’d be better off saying that it’s ‘no children wedding’. You may need to make some exceptions though if you want parents of very small children who are travelling to come as it can be hard to find either 1) someone in home town who is happy to take kids overnight and for the parents to be too far away to come back if something happens. Or 2) a babysitter in a town that they don’t live in that they’d be happy to leave their very small child with. If there’s any babies under 1 year old this is a very very hard to organise (would you want to look after a 6 month old for a whole weekend knowing mum can’t come back if baby screams blue murder or gets a temperature. It’s a lot of responsibility!). Maybe you could put a note on the invite saying ‘we prefer no children but if you will struggle to attend please let us know so we can discuss’ something like that?

SallyB392 · 05/07/2021 12:08

Not sure if it would help, but my sister hired 2 local nannies, and a couple of older ladies, and sent out special home made invites for the children (up to 16 yrs old), they attended the service, then had their own venue with a variety of activities and their own menu (a fast food chain, followed by some home made cakes.

Children were free to attend the evening do. There were no complaints and in fact most parents chose to make their own arrangements. Those that took up the invite popped in to check on their offspring as they wanted, it worked REALLY well.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/07/2021 12:10

@SallyB392

Not sure if it would help, but my sister hired 2 local nannies, and a couple of older ladies, and sent out special home made invites for the children (up to 16 yrs old), they attended the service, then had their own venue with a variety of activities and their own menu (a fast food chain, followed by some home made cakes.

Children were free to attend the evening do. There were no complaints and in fact most parents chose to make their own arrangements. Those that took up the invite popped in to check on their offspring as they wanted, it worked REALLY well.

If the bride @LoubyLouLou22 can’t afford to feed a few children at £10 maybe a head

She isn’t going to afford to pay 2 nannies plus food

SallyB392 · 05/07/2021 13:52

In my sister's case it was £60per child for food, the nannies were really cheap and the other lady's from the village offered their services as a wedding gift. The venue was a neighbours barn. I appreciate that my sister is fairly privileged, but it's just an idea outside the box, if money is very tight, there could be alternative ideas that would work, it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Nohomemadecandles · 05/07/2021 15:01

@SallyB392

In my sister's case it was £60per child for food, the nannies were really cheap and the other lady's from the village offered their services as a wedding gift. The venue was a neighbours barn. I appreciate that my sister is fairly privileged, but it's just an idea outside the box, if money is very tight, there could be alternative ideas that would work, it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

£60 per child? Crikey.

Maggiesfarm · 05/07/2021 16:13

@SallyB392

Not sure if it would help, but my sister hired 2 local nannies, and a couple of older ladies, and sent out special home made invites for the children (up to 16 yrs old), they attended the service, then had their own venue with a variety of activities and their own menu (a fast food chain, followed by some home made cakes.

Children were free to attend the evening do. There were no complaints and in fact most parents chose to make their own arrangements. Those that took up the invite popped in to check on their offspring as they wanted, it worked REALLY well.

That sounds like a splendid idea. I attended a wedding where children had separate entertainment at the reception and it worked very well, all the kids seemed to love it. (I know some wouldn't, especially if they are a bit shy or on the verge of puberty and don't consider themselves to a kid any more).

The only thing is, not everyone would be able to afford that.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/07/2021 16:46

Nannies were cheap

I work at wedding crèches and £15ph usually min of 3hrs so £90 for two of us

I still want to know the cost of the child’s meal @LoubyLouLou22

Maggiesfarm · 05/07/2021 17:29

That's good blondes, I didn't know how much they cost for things like that.

Greydove28 · 05/07/2021 17:31

Wow!

Husbandno4 · 05/07/2021 17:54

One good thing about doing what you suggest op is it that the people that your good friends/close family, the ones that know you and know you mean nothing nasty by it are likely to understand not care about the extra expense.
The ones who do make a fuss/decide not to come are unlikely to be good friends in the long run. This means you’ll get to weed out some people you have had to invite to be polite! This will save your money and time wasted on talking to these on your actual day and in your new lives together as a couple. :)

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/07/2021 18:58

@Maggiesfarm

That's good blondes, I didn't know how much they cost for things like that.

I’ve worked in some lovely venues and hotels

Where money is no object ......

And normal weddings where kids play with the childcare wedding crèche I worked via brought along

Many a laugh was had :)

Some would then book is for the night ans we would get room service ans babysit their child in the hotel room while they partied

Penistoe · 05/07/2021 19:33

When I got married kids under 2 were free, 2-14 were £10 and 16-18 were half price. This was 5years ago Manor House type place. Price per head included, meal, buffet and canopies, kids had a separate kids meal but 16 plus has adult meal it was just cheaper because they didn’t get wine.
We had about 16 kids so was about £200 extra, but at £55ish per head for adults didn’t seem much extra.
Genuinely wondering if I was lucky and it’s normal to charge full price for kids at venues? I would have been annoyed and can understand the frustration if they do.

Boomisshiss · 05/07/2021 21:29

I see the OP never did come back to this

beentoldcomputersaysno · 05/07/2021 21:48

@PyongyangKipperbang

Wouldnt bother me in the slightest. Seems like a sensible middle ground.

I think the issue would be in the wording so making it clear that you dont WANT a child free wedding but can't afford to invite all the kids and feel it would be unfair to pick and choose which ones get to come. Then its up to the parents. As threads on here have shown, it can cost a fortune for babysitters/accomodation etc for a child free wedding attendee so they may prefer this as an option.

This. However, it's probably not worth doing given the amount of people that would be appalled by this.