Who gets children ready for school

[Rizzoli123]

AIBU

In our house its always me.
We have 2 boys.

My husband is still in bed till at least 5 minutes before they go to school. Am I being unreasonable to ask that he helps maybe just a little bit. I don't mind if he dosent help just sit up and engage with his kids!

Stop thinking of it as help. He should be doing his fair share in looking after his own children.

What is the split with other domestic chores like? Does he have a particular reason to be in bed longer (shift work etc)?

Split in this house. They are both of our kids and therefore both of our responsibilities. The exception being on days I don't work but DH still helps before he has to leave.

Me 99% of the time. However that is because my husband leaves for work at 6 or he is working away. On the rare occasion he is at home and starting work a bit later, he gets them ready and takes them to school

I'm having similar issues. I've taken to going into the bedroom and putting child on him so he has no choice but to get up!

While we’re both at home we split it. We’ve fallen into our respective tasks - he does breakfasts and makes their lunches, I sort out clothes and get them dressed. We get ourselves ready around them. He does the dishwasher as he’s in the kitchen, I supervise teeth and check school bags.

In office times, it’s still split 50:50 as one of us will go into the office early and the other will do kids.

I can’t get my head around the idea of living with someone who stayed in bed while the other partner was rushing about getting themselves plus the kids ready. Doesn’t he feel any guilt or shame?

DH if hes here is in charge of making breakfasts, putting bags etc in the car, loading up the kids and driving them there. I do washing dressing and teeth (well DD12 does it herself while I shout at her to hurry up) as even when I leave clothes out he puts DD2 in weird outfits and he lets her brush her teeth herself which results in toothpaste all over her face and teeth not clean. Not a chance I'd let him lie in bed!

DH gets up earlier so he wakes the kids, makes sure they are dressed, ate & ready for school - on an ideal day it's all done before I get up at 8am.
he's capable of handling it all by himself, but if not he sends one of the kids to get me, or if I'm up anyway I keep the ball rolling.

we have our 4 youngest in 3 different school so depending on who does what if I drive I have to leave by 8.15am

he works ft, I'm a SAHM but because of having lots of kids & my health issues he's always done his share, often taking over entirely.

I don't know what your full situation is so it may or may not be reasonable he gets involved in the morning, I can see it both ways.
sometimes it's one person doing morning routine, the other doing evening (like I cook, you clean up) so it depends.

if you want him to take part then talk to him, asking is never unreasonable

They get themselves ready, but if they still needed help it would be me. DH leaves for work before they get up. He has a 2 hour commute.

Split here. I have done two mornings this week, he has done two.

I voted yabu simply based on the littke information- does he finish work very late, does he fo his share at other times.
If you both work 9-5 and he does nothing extra to you ar other times then you know yanbu.. however its then a conversation for you both as sometimes it simply takes a conversation

Very much split in my house. I'm out of the door a couple of hours before the kids wake up for work 3 days a week and same for DH on the days I'm not working.

Same for bed times, we do alternate nights unless DH is working late.

We discuss it every day and it depends on who starts work earlier? I couldn't let either of us assume it wasn't our job. Unless DH does all night waking or bedtimes or something.

Both get up at the same time. Both do different bits.

Depends on shift work etc.

I get up with dd at the moment, dh is on paternity leave so does the nights with the baby.

He works in a safety critical role so needs to sleep however does early mornings when off work

Your DH should be ashamed, assuming there's no good reason like working a late shift. In my house I always used to get up first and do more than DH, although he did do some of the morning routine, but recently I changed my working hours so that he has to do it 3 days a week and now it's much fairer.

It’s shared here - dh does lunches usually and I do sun cream if needed, hair and supervise teeth. But it’s not fixed - we both just see what needs doing and get it done together.

How old are the DC and how much help do they need? What does the balance of work/house stuff/childcare look like the rest of the time?
On the face of it, it's reasonable for DH to also do the "getting ready for school" bit but you need to look at it in the context of everything going on.
For example, if he works very long hours and you're a SAHP to school age children, it might be unreasonable to ask him. If he always does pick up while you have time to yourself, it might also be unreasonable.

I do it all in the morning, but I’m at work when dh picks them up and feeds them dinner. If it weren’t split fairly I’d tell him I’ve signed up for a 7am walking group mon-fri for a week and he can do mornings on his own all next week then we can see what he thinks about balancing it better between us.

My DH does most of it as he does school drop-off before he starts work. I chip in while I'm getting the laundry on, making sure the eldest gets dressed instead of playing with lego. (Usually I've been up in the night/early morning briefly as youngest always seems to want me to take him to the loo/tuck him in at 5am before going back to sleep, so I'm usually quite sleepy at 7.30).

DH does most of bedtimes too. I do pretty much everything else (pick-ups, clubs, looking after youngest).

@Starlightstarbright1

I voted yabu simply based on the littke information- does he finish work very late, does he fo his share at other times. If you both work 9-5 and he does nothing extra to you ar other times then you know yanbu.. however its then a conversation for you both as sometimes it simply takes a conversation

No. Dosent finish work late. He is WFH and I am a SAHM. Had conversations never changes

We both get up at the same time and help her with bits and pieces, we also both go to school drop off and pick up and both do bedtime.

@UserAtRandom

How old are the DC and how much help do they need? What does the balance of work/house stuff/childcare look like the rest of the time? On the face of it, it's reasonable for DH to also do the "getting ready for school" bit but you need to look at it in the context of everything going on. For example, if he works very long hours and you're a SAHP to school age children, it might be unreasonable to ask him. If he always does pick up while you have time to yourself, it might also be unreasonable.

They are 6. He works from home and I am a stay at home mum. We share the pick up

Does he make up for it elsewhere? School pick ups/weekends/evening clubs etc.

@timeisnotaline

I do it all in the morning, but I’m at work when dh picks them up and feeds them dinner. If it weren’t split fairly I’d tell him I’ve signed up for a 7am walking group mon-fri for a week and he can do mornings on his own all next week then we can see what he thinks about balancing it better between us.

Like it 😉

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Does he make up for it elsewhere? School pick ups/weekends/evening clubs etc.

He cooks donner and plays outside. We are not doing after school clubs beacuse of covid.