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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets children ready for school

190 replies

Rizzoli123 · 24/06/2021 08:39

AIBU

In our house its always me.
We have 2 boys.

My husband is still in bed till at least 5 minutes before they go to school. Am I being unreasonable to ask that he helps maybe just a little bit. I don't mind if he dosent help just sit up and engage with his kids!

OP posts:
DoormatBob · 24/06/2021 10:50

I voted YABU purely because you are a SAHM with school age children. If you weren't getting them ready for school what would you do all day?

Any other scenario your DH should be taking a share.

Rosebel · 24/06/2021 10:52

My oldest two are teenagers so get themselves ready but when they were younger my husband did breakfast and I got them ready and did the school run as he'd gone to work by then.
My husband gets youngest ready for nursery as I'm at work by the time they get up but doesn't do breakfast (DS eats at nursery and older two either do it themselves or don't bother).
So for us it's just about who's available but if we were both home I'd expect it to be 50/50

Grace58 · 24/06/2021 10:54

DH does as he is an early bird generally and now he WFH and has no commute (whereas I do, plus I take a while to get ready). I do a lot of the organising / remembering school paperwork though so do contribute! I usually do DD’s hair though.

ellenpartridge · 24/06/2021 10:54

YABU as you are a SAHM of school age kids it seems totally reasonable that you are doing this yourself

trilbydoll · 24/06/2021 10:54

DH irons their uniform, and I do pack lunches. They get themselves dressed (6 and 8) and I do their hair. The 6yo usually asks for help putting her socks on from whoever is closest.

DH can do their hair but not as well as me Grin

cadburyegg · 24/06/2021 10:56

I voted YANBU but changed my mind. You’re a SAHM and can get your peace during the day while he’s working surely

DorotheaHomeAlone · 24/06/2021 11:09

I also switched from yanbu to Yabu when I saw that you’re a sahp and both kids are school age.

We split the mornings in our house and also split school runs but I work 3 days and look after our 16 month old on the other two. I’m also up early with her then back to bed from 6 to 7.30am while dh does breakfast.

If I had the whole school day and only two 6 year olds to get ready I’d happily do the mornings solo and all the school runs. You get way more free time already. Have your ‘peace’ at 9.30 once they’re in school!

theneverendinglaundry · 24/06/2021 11:12

Its always me. DH works from home and I am a sahm, so I get to take a break during the day and sit on the sofa while he has to work. So swings and roundabouts!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/06/2021 11:17

6yos dont need ti shower every morning before school. Its excessive. Do alternate mornings, with the other one getting dressed as the other one showers.

Member984815 · 24/06/2021 11:18

I do it husband will be long gone to work before kids get up , mine are older now but still need reminding of things . I try to get them doing stuff the night before

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 24/06/2021 11:20

I don't think it's a case of division of labour so much (since presumably he works full time and you have time to yourself during the day) but just engaging with his kids and having family time. Surely he could just get out of bed and sit with a cup of coffee having breakfast with them?

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 24/06/2021 11:21

I'm in a similiar situation DH works full time (currently from home), I work part time. I'm fine with doing the actual drudgery of finding book bags and school shoes but DH is around in the morning so he's actually chatted to the DC before they leave for school.

Treaclepie19 · 24/06/2021 11:23

When dh was in the office I did it because he left too early. He did what he could before he left though. Now he's working from home he gets our son ready for school and takes him (unless he has a meeting at that time) and I sort out our 9 month old. We just do whatever works best on the day but nobody just stays in bed and lets the other do it all.

Treaclepie19 · 24/06/2021 11:24

I'm a SAHM too so probably the lazy one by mumsnet standards.

GintyMcGinty · 24/06/2021 11:27

We both WFH, we both parent, we both do the housework - although I do most of the gardening.

Ohmygoshandfolly · 24/06/2021 11:29

Mine are old enough to mostly get themselves ready. I brush their hair for them still and instruct them to brush teeth and get shoes on when it’s time to do that but other than that, they do everything themselves including getting breakfast. They’re 11, 10 and almost 9 for reference. DH takes them to school because it makes sense for him to drop them on his way to work and I collect them (I’m a SAHM). When they were younger I’d say I mostly did it all alone, DH takes ages in the shower every morning so he’s rarely much use. Lazy of your DH to stay in bed so late, he should at least be up getting ready.

AdaThorne · 24/06/2021 11:32

DH until about 15 minutes before go time at which point I get out of bed, brush teeth, get dressed and do DD's hair before we all do the school run together.

Sounds decadent, especially because as part of his morning routine he brings me a coffee in bed, but (a) once he starts working from home Zoom hell at 9.15am he doesn't emerge from the spare room until 5.30pm at the earliest except for bathroom breaks so I handle everything else during the day including school pickup / dinner / clubs etc and (b) he is a morning person and I most definitely am not (and tend to be the one the DC come to in the night if they have nightmares).

It might not be a fair division of labour over the full day, but it works for us and I appreciate a coffee and time to read the news before I get out of bed more than I can explain.

LoopTheLoops · 24/06/2021 11:32

Me every single time but then I’m a lone parent

TheCatHearsYourSecret · 24/06/2021 11:33

He clearly needs to go to bed earlier if he cannot get out of bed in the morning. Dh works long hours but has always made it home every day for a family dinner and will work on the sofa with a laptop on his lap for the "professional day" ie it isn't a 9-5 job.

He has always been hands on and proactive about parenting. He has always worked full time, I am a SAHM with a disability. Every Saturday he got a lie in, every Sunday I was afforded the same lie in. As Dh has taken responsibility for his children from day one he knows how hard it can be, also how easy it can be too. He would take them out for a boys' breakfast, when he came home he would make me a cup of tea and breakfast in bed.

His Mum was a SAHM and he really appreciated her, but she raised him well, she wasn't his maid. Before we had children all housework, cooking, cleaning etc was split between us. Now I do the vast majority but he is always available before work, up until recently running Ds1 to sixth form and now running Ds2 part way to school because he is working from home and enjoys spending one on one time with his children.

Your Dh is an arsehole shirking responsibility. Why would he not want to make your mornings easier? Why? He supposedly loves you, why would he want to see you stressed and unhappy? Maybe ask him that.

Original poster
Rizzoli123 · 24/06/2021 11:36

@DoormatBob

I voted YABU purely because you are a SAHM with school age children. If you weren't getting them ready for school what would you do all day?

Any other scenario your DH should be taking a share.

He WFH and can pick his own hours. I get up sort out kids, see them off to school, clean, have lunch, clean some more and then kids come home

While I do this husband has finished his work and sat in front of tv

OP posts:
lovelybitofsquirrell · 24/06/2021 11:36

Always me, but DP leaves for work at 7, i leave once kids are dopped off.

DP does however make everyone a tea before he leaves.

Depends on individual family situation, in your case, your DH is a lazy twit,

sillybut · 24/06/2021 11:37

I get them ready normally but DP usually does the school run. To be fair, these days I sometimes get the better end of the bargain as DD is 15 and mainly self managing unless she's lost something or wants last minute revision for some kind of test. DS is 8 - he has to be incessantly supervised as inclined to day dream - send him to bathroom to brush teeth wash face and 10 minutes later find him singing a song Grin However, even he is improving.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 24/06/2021 11:37

just read your update about being a SAHM . ive changed my mind in this case, i think its your responsibility.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 24/06/2021 11:37

Whoever hasn't just come in from a night shift or is working an early shift. DH and I work 24/7 shift patterns so it's pretty much who is there. It's rare that we are both off and have had a full nights sleep

Original poster
Rizzoli123 · 24/06/2021 11:37

@DorotheaHomeAlone

I also switched from yanbu to Yabu when I saw that you’re a sahp and both kids are school age.

We split the mornings in our house and also split school runs but I work 3 days and look after our 16 month old on the other two. I’m also up early with her then back to bed from 6 to 7.30am while dh does breakfast.

If I had the whole school day and only two 6 year olds to get ready I’d happily do the mornings solo and all the school runs. You get way more free time already. Have your ‘peace’ at 9.30 once they’re in school!

I don't get peace. As soon as they are out the door I get ready. I then clean, eat a quick sandwich and then their back. How is that peace
OP posts: