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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets children ready for school

190 replies

Rizzoli123 · 24/06/2021 08:39

AIBU

In our house its always me.
We have 2 boys.

My husband is still in bed till at least 5 minutes before they go to school. Am I being unreasonable to ask that he helps maybe just a little bit. I don't mind if he dosent help just sit up and engage with his kids!

OP posts:
CommanderBurnham · 24/06/2021 09:05

We split it. It's loosely scheduled but it does help that we all wake up and leave the house at the same time.

I wake up, get breakfast ready while kids/DH teeth brushed. Kids come downstairs while DH does beds/curtains/faffs

I feed kids, make lunches put a wash on. Send kids up to get dressed while DH gets ready. I eat, finish up and head upstairs to get ready while kids are finishing off

DH goes downstairs, has his breakfast, empties and reloads dishwasher. I come down with kids, coats, shoes, water bottles and off we go.

Lemonwoe · 24/06/2021 09:06

Both of us. For a while it was just DH as I started work a bit earlier

Spied · 24/06/2021 09:07

Me.
If my partner has annual leave or on the days where he is working late I do sometimes have 'an appointment' where I need to get ready myself while he sees to the dc and takes them to school and I go into town for a coffee go to my appointment.

Ineedtogotobednowplease · 24/06/2021 09:07

On the weekdays DH is off, he gets the kids ready and I start work earlier (I WFH). Usually I am up and about, talking to them etc even if I'm not getting them ready. I leave the door open so they can talk to me while I work etc.

DH starts work at 7am, so he's gone before we're even out of bed. So on those days, I do it.

Remind him that he will be a very lonely old man who's kids never want to spend time with him because he couldn't be arsed doing the same for them when they were young.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/06/2021 09:08

What happens on weekends - who gets to lie in?

Rillington · 24/06/2021 09:08

Throw a bucket of water over him the lazy git.

DelurkingAJ · 24/06/2021 09:09

Sounds like he thinks it’s part of your SAHM duties! Talk to him…maybe he thinks you should have a job now the DC are at school but has failed to talk to you and is just stewing. Maybe he’s an utter pig. You need to discus why he thinks it’s your job.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/06/2021 09:11

So are you children all school age? I dont think its unreasonable that you do all the school runs if you then are childfree with no work (aside from whatever you choose to do around the house) for 6 hours a day.

Amaya89 · 24/06/2021 09:14

The 3 days a week we start at the same time we both get them ready, the other 2 days it's just me because he's in work before they get up but then he picks them up and sorts dinner. There isn't much to do though, everything is sorted the night before, they just have to get themselves dressed and get lunchboxes out of the fridge.

EmeraldShamrock · 24/06/2021 09:15

I do the mornings DP is gone by 7.30.
When he was on a 9am start he'd stretch out at 7.45 watch TV while I'm packing lunches and making breakfast until I lost it with him.
He cleans 2 nights a week minium and looks after the DC with me on his day off he doesn't do any school stuff or bills etc.
I'd drag him up. Grin

blahblahblah321 · 24/06/2021 09:17

Children are older now, but DS2 (12) still needs someone available to chivvy him along (he has poor time keeping/organising skills- SEN)

Usually whichever of us isn't needing to get out of the door is the one in charge of making sure he's on time - so as DH is still WFH, he is the one to do it, as I'm normally getting myself ready to go off to work.

On a Friday I'm off work so I do it to give DH a nag free day Grin. I wouldn't dream of staying in bed!

UserAtRandom · 24/06/2021 09:18

I think it's reasonable for a SAHP of school age children to do the school runs tbh. 6 year olds are surely mostly sorting themselves with just the odd bit of supervision?

You get time to yourself during the day when he is working.

timeisnotaline · 24/06/2021 09:31

@UserAtRandom

I think it's reasonable for a SAHP of school age children to do the school runs tbh. 6 year olds are surely mostly sorting themselves with just the odd bit of supervision?

You get time to yourself during the day when he is working.

What kind of 6 year olds do you know? Mine needs 20 minutes waking, and individual repeated attention for getting every item of clothing on. I hate mornings.
phoenixrosehere · 24/06/2021 09:32

YANBU.

My husband and I have this battle. My husband thinks making breakfast is a big thing and wants to be thanked yet he has never thanked me for doing it for the years I did so before he started WFH due to the pandemic. Breakfast is an apple or berries and two slices of toast with peanut butter. Takes 5 minutes to do and 3 of it is done by the toaster. I’ll thank the toaster tbh. He moans about getting up with them even though they only ask for him to put a code in for the tablet and then go and play in their room on their own or watch it quietly on the floor at the foot of the bed. Same guy stays up til 1am and talks about how tired he is yet I’m the one that has been woken up by kicks to the back and head from our youngest and putting one or both boys back to sleep or even staying up with them when they don’t. I’m the one who gets them dress which includes fighting or chasing to get clothes on them and the school run (which I hate with a passion) yet breakfast somehow deserves praise. He has never thought to dress at least one of them during the 45 minutes they’ve been up or make sure our asd 6 yo has used the loo before school. I have to ask him and then tell him to do so and then he wonders why I “side eye” him when he talks about him making breakfast and me having a “lie-in”. Not exactly a lie-in if I’m doing the school run and was dropping them off before going to work myself part-time until a month ago when my hours switched to weekends.

CoffeeWithCheese · 24/06/2021 09:39

DH does breakfast management and tooth brush wrangling - I take over and tend to organise the fact that pants go on before trousers, and do hair etc (little girls).

If DH needs to go into work early - I do stuff, if I need to be somewhere early he takes over.

DD1 is in charge of morning cuppa tea administration.

UserAtRandom · 24/06/2021 09:43

What kind of 6 year olds do you know? Mine needs 20 minutes waking, and individual repeated attention for getting every item of clothing on. I hate mornings.

I'm thinking back to when my own DC were that age. DH and I both worked full time and we simply didn't have time in the morning to engage with getting a child ready who was old enough to do it themselves. Does your DC need help with every putting on every single item during school PE as well? If not, then he's playing you and I'd suggest you get strict. (I used to use the carrot and stick approach, that they could watch TV before school if they were completely ready before the time we had to go; but would lose TV after school if they weren't, but different things work for different children.)

Original poster
Rizzoli123 · 24/06/2021 09:46

@phoenixrosehere

YANBU.

My husband and I have this battle. My husband thinks making breakfast is a big thing and wants to be thanked yet he has never thanked me for doing it for the years I did so before he started WFH due to the pandemic. Breakfast is an apple or berries and two slices of toast with peanut butter. Takes 5 minutes to do and 3 of it is done by the toaster. I’ll thank the toaster tbh. He moans about getting up with them even though they only ask for him to put a code in for the tablet and then go and play in their room on their own or watch it quietly on the floor at the foot of the bed. Same guy stays up til 1am and talks about how tired he is yet I’m the one that has been woken up by kicks to the back and head from our youngest and putting one or both boys back to sleep or even staying up with them when they don’t. I’m the one who gets them dress which includes fighting or chasing to get clothes on them and the school run (which I hate with a passion) yet breakfast somehow deserves praise. He has never thought to dress at least one of them during the 45 minutes they’ve been up or make sure our asd 6 yo has used the loo before school. I have to ask him and then tell him to do so and then he wonders why I “side eye” him when he talks about him making breakfast and me having a “lie-in”. Not exactly a lie-in if I’m doing the school run and was dropping them off before going to work myself part-time until a month ago when my hours switched to weekends.

That's exactly what it's like. I shower both, dress both. They argue constantly and if i havent done something for the school run I get moaned at. I just dont understand why he can't do the other stuff as he won't get up. It's always up to me. I just want some peace in the morning
OP posts:
Original poster
Rizzoli123 · 24/06/2021 09:48

@UserAtRandom

What kind of 6 year olds do you know? Mine needs 20 minutes waking, and individual repeated attention for getting every item of clothing on. I hate mornings.

I'm thinking back to when my own DC were that age. DH and I both worked full time and we simply didn't have time in the morning to engage with getting a child ready who was old enough to do it themselves. Does your DC need help with every putting on every single item during school PE as well? If not, then he's playing you and I'd suggest you get strict. (I used to use the carrot and stick approach, that they could watch TV before school if they were completely ready before the time we had to go; but would lose TV after school if they weren't, but different things work for different children.)

He WFH and I am a SAHM. He can get himself ready but needs help with a few things. Tried the TV before school. They never get dressed in time which then comes a tantrum as they want to
OP posts:
Yellow85 · 24/06/2021 09:50

I do, although DH leaves for work at 7:30. He does iron all the uniforms at the weekend to make it easier though.

MangoFango · 24/06/2021 09:52

6 year olds are surely mostly sorting themselves with just the odd bit of supervision

Both my 7-year olds need a lot of supervision. Otherwise they'll dress in party costumes for school day, shorts in winter and full blazer uniform for forest school. Or wrestle naked while I shower. They'd never brush their teeth or do homework or load the dishwasher without an adult. We don't actually do much except stand there and nag nag nag, they do it themselves but it's more exhausting than anything I know.

I think it was easier when they were babies because you have control over everything, id dress them in 30 seconds and they don't talk back.

Mostly DH sort mornings (I lie in) and I sort evenings (he lies down surf on his phone) unless one of us is going in the office etc. But we are both perfectly capable of doing on our own. It's not ideal but feels fair, we just settled into it naturally without really thinking. In an ideal world I'd like to be a SAHP just because this is most knackering.

BiddyPop · 24/06/2021 09:53

It used to be that DH would get DD dressed while I finished getting myself dressed, but then I would make her breakfast etc, and grab her lunch from the fridge. Whoever was nearest coats first, sorted their own and hers while the other finished clearing last things in kitchen as we all left together (to go different directions).

BrownEyedGirl80 · 24/06/2021 09:55

Me.Dh leaves at 5am to go to work as he isn't a lazy cunt.

topwings · 24/06/2021 10:02

I'm a bit 50/50 on this. Yes, both parents should do their share of parenting but if you are a SAHM and don't have younger children at home, you can get your downtime during school hours while your DH works.

FlowerPower3110 · 24/06/2021 10:19

DH leaves for work at 7 am and that's usually when DC wake up, so he doesn't really have a chance to take care of them of play with them in the mornings.

Most days he gets home after DC have gone to bed, so bedtime routine is all on me too.

I'm a SAHM, DH works long hours so I think it's only fair that I take care of the kids most of the time.

ConstanceGracy · 24/06/2021 10:38

Dh. While he’s working from home he gets dd up every morning, does her breakfast and takes her to and from school if he can.