Who gets children ready for school

[Rizzoli123]

AIBU

In our house its always me.
We have 2 boys.

My husband is still in bed till at least 5 minutes before they go to school. Am I being unreasonable to ask that he helps maybe just a little bit. I don't mind if he dosent help just sit up and engage with his kids!

Aside from bedtime stories I only go into my kids rooms max 2 times a week, once to change the bed and vacuum and once to put that weeks batch of laundry away (they take it up daily but keep the clean in a basket).

Imagine going into each of them for 30mins each, every day to clean them? In addition to every other room in the house?!

There is no need to clean as much as you are, so either you really like it or you have issues with simply relaxing. Isn't your DH fed up as he's WFH and you're cleaning all day?

With the exception of teeth cleaning children of that abe shouldn't need anything else done.

You then have all day to yourselves.

Maybe just stop spending 25 hours a week cleaning.

Also you say he cooks dinner and you share pick ups.

So literally your only requirement is to do the morning school run every day.

I do 100% of the ferrying about so DH does 100% of the sorting. Thus each of us does 50% of the DS related work of a morning.
Difference is we both work full time, so theres not an excuse for him to duck out of it (although I know he quite enjoys his early morning chats with DS anyway).
If I was a SAHM I think I'd consider it part of my job description to be honest.
Unlike cleaning. You're not Stay At Home Cleaner.

but then that's what you like to do - cleaning each room every day. I don't like to do that so we clean 4 hours 1 x per week

I normally despair about the men on mumsnet but he actual sounds like a Saint.

He works full time;
Has all the financial responsibility of providing for a family of four;
Cooks dinner every night;
Does half the school pick ups.

And yet is still being moaned at for not helping children who are of an age when they are more than capable of getting themselves ready for school.

Your op could have been;

My jobs;
Get the dc ready and to school in the morning
Clean an average sized house

My dh jobs;
Work full time and be the sole breadwinner
Picks dc up from school
Cooks dinner

Aibu to say he should help get dc ready in the morning?

It would have been an unanimous Yabu!

My partner sorts their clothes (uniforms, sports gear), I sort their food for the day out.

Every room every day? In my opinion that is too much. I give each room a quick tidy every day, but cleaning gets done once a week here. It absolutely does not get dirty enough to clean every day or even every other day, especially when the kids are at school!

I do a few things every day like make beds, vacuum high traffic areas if needed, wipe kitchen counters, but it takes minutes.

You need to lower your standards and get yourself some chill out time on the sofa!

School? The children do, I've not needed to get children ready in the morning since nursery.

DD is almost 7, he's never got her ready for school or nursery and does the same as yours i.e getting up 5 mins before I leave 😑

If you are a SAHM to two school age children and your DH works full time, it's very reasonable that you should get the DC up, make their lunches, etc. He already shares the school run in the afternoon and cooks every night. That's a lot already considering you have 6-7 hours free every day.

If you choose to spend 5 hours a day cleaning your house that is your choice and certainly not a necessity. There is also no need to shower children in the morning, much better to do it in the evening. You seem to be making your life so much harder than it needs to be.

He dosent work full time. He works 2 to 3 hours at most.
Dosent do lunches they have school lunches
I shower everyday if they have a wet night

How are you surviving on one wage working 2/3 hours per day?!

It sounds annoying if you do it every day including weekends, but as you are SAHM it's kind of your job during the week.

I don't understand why you are spending 5 hours a day cleaning. It sounds like your choice so it's unreasonable of you to complain.

How do you spend 30 mins cleaning a room you cleaned the day before - surely it's not dirty enough to need 30 mins cleaning?

How do you think families with no SAHP do it? What did you do when the DC were little and at home, surely you didn't clean all day then? Don't you want to do something else with your life rather than clean?

Have you tried telling your DC that you're going to trial a week of them getting themselves ready? And leaving them to it?

My partner gets up last, eats his breakfast and starts wfh. Once a week, he does the 5 min school run, after I've done everything else.

He dosent work full time. He works 2 to 3 hours at most

Interesting drip feed.

when dd was going to school my husband would get up and give her breakfast then I would get up and supervise her getting dressed and do her hair. Daddy took her to school most days and did pick up most days.

Ds is due to start school this year we have already decided that my husband will get up and get him ready and I will take him to school because I will also be taking a friend's son to school and daddy will do pick up.

OK.

There's clearly more going on here.

What possible financial set up allows 2 hours a day to support a family of four?

Do the children have additional needs? If they are regularly wetting the bed then maybe put them back in nappies for six months and then try again.

This just gets weirder and weirder.
Firstly, please tell us what your husband does as I would love a set up where I could work from home for two hours a day and support a family of four living in a ten room house.
Secondly, you said yourself that you 'like to clean every room' every day. That's your choice to spend that long on your hobby/things you enjoy doing of course, but to moan that you get no peace when you are child-free for five hours a day, five days a week, is quite staggering. There are only so many hours in the day. If you choose to spend all the hours your children are at school cleaning (how dirty does your house get if it needs that much cleaning every day?) that doesn't leave that many more hours to get a break. I guess you just have to wait until after bedtime to get some downtime like most parents. Or, you know, stop choosing to spend all day, every day cleaning your house and get a life outside of the home.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

He dosent work full time. He works 2 to 3 hours at most

Interesting drip feed.

Even more interesting if you spotted another post from OP today where she says her boys are both in private school. Though I guess grandparents might pay; but it does sound like a change of narrative as the thread wasn't going her way.

OP - the MN rule of thumb is "equal leisure time". For you that sounds like an hour in the morning getting the DC ready (I'm being generous here) and an hour of cleaning in the day (you are doing more from choice, not necessity). Meantime your OH allegedly works 2-3 hours a day and evenings are shared. so it's still pretty equal.

If your dh is only working 2-3 hours a day maybe you should get a job?

Me - and if I’m honest I’m pretty grumpy about it too. My partner works from home, I work part time outside the home. Usually I get up at 7, get the kids ready and to school, he gets up at 9 once I get back, showers, comes downstairs and starts work. I run around washing up, doing laundry etc, then go out to work, then back for the school run, then take the kids to their activities, then sometimes more work, then cook dinner etc. We have this routine because he’s the main earner and works full-time - but I feel like he gets more free time (and more lie-ins).

Me! And then my husband drops them to school and nursery (two different directions) while I get to relax!